Month: December 2021

Dear Dan – I Feel Caught Between the Boss and Fellow Employees

Dear Dan,

I wonder if you could provide me some guidance with what I call “The curse of the middleman.” I’m a member of two teams. The team of leaders that run our organization, and the team of people that report to these leaders.

A leader on my team is often hurt when employees approach me with questions, instead of going to them directly. The irony is this same leader tells employees that I am a leader in our organization and to utilize me as a resource.

I strive to build strong relationships with employees, but the success of that work is causing me to fail in another area. At times, there is concern from employees that if they approach the leader, they will get an immediate smack with a bat. Some have been smacked enough, they’ve learned not to approach.

I don’t want to violate the relationships I’ve built, but I’m trying to navigate these waters. 

What advice would you give?

Sincerely,

The Middleman

Dear Middleman,

Like you, people usually try to do the right thing. It’s always disheartening to have good intentions misjudged. This happens more frequently than you might think. Intentions are invisible. Behaviors are all we see.

We are judged, not by our intentions, but by the intentions others impose on us.

Biggest challenge of feeling misunderstood:

The biggest challenge you face isn’t a fearful boss. It’s loss of enthusiasm.

Loss of enthusiasm becomes discouragement. Eventually, we give less than our best. Winston Churchill said, “Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm.”

Tighten your belt and keep doing the right thing with enthusiasm.

Doing the right thing matters most when you’re  misunderstood or underappreciated.

The higher you rise in an organization, the more you will be misunderstood. The best you can do is apologize when appropriate and press forward with unaltered enthusiasm.

Adapt to the leader:

People who don’t adapt to the leader always struggle and often flounder.

Perceived threat invites fearful bosses to attack like caged animals. Forget about instilling confidence in a boss who feels threatened, but don’t turn a blind eye either.

1. Don’t tell the leader, “You seem threatened by my relationships.”
2. Seek advice from your leader. Ask, “What are some ways to respond to co-workers who come to me with their concerns?” Eliminate any resentment or resistance in yourself when you ask for input. You may or may not receive useful advice. It doesn’t matter. You asked.
3. Show respect to your leader in public ways. Notice positive qualities. Honor successes.
4. Encourage co-workers to go to the leader, even if they feel smacked down. Nothing good comes from undermining your boss, even if they…

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3 Things We Get Wrong About Humility

Humility and I stand beside each other like strangers on an elevator. We glance sideways, but we don’t stand close. The only thing I say is, “Have a good day,” when I step off.

Accident or intention:

I don’t understand people who are naturally humble. They probably aren’t faking, but I think they must be. Arrogance is natural. Humility is an acquired taste.

You never develop humility by accident.

You learn how to be humble reluctantly, usually the hard way. We keep humility at arm’s length because we misunderstand it.

3 things we get wrong about humility:

#1. Humility isn’t passive.

It’s not humble to admit mistakes and then play dead; it’s feeble. It’s not humble to screw up and look for sympathy; it’s pathetic.

Humility admits shortcomings and works to improve. Arrogance hides shortcomings to protect its image.

#2. Humility isn’t fearful.

Humility speaks the truth with kindness.

Arrogance protects itself by shielding people from hard truths. Every time you neglect tough issues or soften the truth, you prolong incompetence and weaken relationships.

Humility cares too much to disadvantage others.

Humility takes responsibility. Arrogance plays it safe for self-serving reasons. Humility takes the bull by the horns and won’t let go.

#3. Humility isn’t weak.

A person who doesn’t need your approval is dangerous.

Humility doesn’t do the right thing to impress anyone. Humble leaders ooze with calm grit.

Humility owns challenges.

Humble leaders know what they can’t control, accept their responsibilities, and won’t be bullied by either.

5 ways to practice humility today:

1. Get mad about apathy. Embrace ambition for the work.
2. Learn something. Try something new.
3. Reflect on things you have learned from failure.
4. Make room for others to be right.
5. Practice gratitude. Humility and gratitude have an unbreakable bond.

What do we get wrong about humility?

How might leaders practice humility today?

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4 Questions that Define a Useful Idea

Good ideas aren’t necessarily useful. Any idea that you can’t act on today is a glamourous distraction.

Useful ideas are actionable today.

A bucket full of good ideas is paralyzing.

Choose a mission that’s clear enough to challenge people. Don’t change it. Adopt goals that apply in turbulence or calm and stick with them.

Chasing new ideas feels exciting, but your team is tired of starting new things before finishing this thing.

4 questions that define a useful idea:

#1. Can the horses pull the wagon?

Forget about the horses you wish you had. Useful ideas require you to dig in, but the horses you have must be able to make progress.

Good ideas sparkle and sing but an idea that paralyzes the team is a disillusionment.

Tip: Hire for progress, not maintenance.

#2. Do the horses want to pull the wagon?

Few things are more dazzling than a good idea that requires OTHERS to fulfill it.

1. Where are the horses in the barn willing to go?
2. What are YOU prepared to do to get there?

#3. What if you don’t pull the wagon at all?

Ideas matter when they improve things. If you don’t pull the wagon at all, will anything be lost?

#4. What does progress look like today?

It’s tragic when people end a day of hard work but can’t describe what they got done.  

Define progress.

People need to know what winning today looks like.

1. What will be different at the end of the day if we make progress?
2. What do we need to do – now – to make progress today?
3. What’s distracting us from making progress?
4. How might we eliminate roadblocks to progress?
5. What can we finish today?

Tip: Define progress in terms of behaviors.

How do you define a useful idea?

What distracts us from useful ideas?

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