Month: November 2022

3 Powers of Proactive Worry

Worry isn’t just in your head. You feel worry in your body. Some have stomach issues, others neck and shoulder pain.

Chronic worry triggers ‘stress hormones’ that elevate your heart and breathing, raise your blood sugar, and send more blood to your arms and legs. You can develop hardening of the arteries, high cholesterol, and high blood pressure.

Proactive worry motivates action not rumination.

Proactive worry is:

Worry is good when unavoidable danger heads at you. Tax Day comes every year. Proactive worry says keep up with record-keeping.

1. Accepting reality.
2. Noticing stress, worry, and anxiety. Pretending things are better than they are aggravates worry.
3. Responding to emotional tension with action.
4. Acting before you need to.
5. Defining and solving root causes of recuring problems.
6. Creating confidence in yourself and your future.
7. Learning to not worry about things outside your control.

3 powers of proactive worry:

#1. Get busy.

Handwringing is not a strategy.

The best thing you can do with worry is get off the couch.

1. On a scale of 1:10, how likely will your worry happen? Spend energy on things that are likely to happen.
2. How can you prevent or prepare for anticipated problems?

#2. Invite elephants to dance.

Dance with elephants when they’re young.

You can ignore problems, but you can’t escape them. Baby elephants get bigger; eventually you face them down.

It’s easier to dance with baby elephants than full-grown bulls.

#3. Persecute recurring problems.

When you have the same conversation over and over, call it out. You waited too long when you feel deja’vu. Refusing to change your approach has become hard-headed stupidity, not grit.

Approach recurring problems with a commitment to find actionable solutions. Don’t allow yourself to rehash old issues for the third time.

What positive value might worry offer?

Added resources:

The Advantage of Atychiphobia – the Fear of Failure

Physical Effects of Worrying

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6 Ways to Lead with Heart

Lead with heart to get above the fog.

6 ways to lead with heart:

#1. Get above the fog.

Purpose is about heart. Declare the purpose of meetings before people show up, for example. Set goals with deadlines.

Lead with heart by bringing up tough topics with openness.

#2. Strengthen relationships between others.

You enrich people when you provide opportunity to build relationships with others.

I hadn’t talked with John Spence in years; so I reached out. We connected and he introduced me to philosopher Tom Morris. A coaching client introduced me to a corporate leader at Chick-fil-A Supply. A friend and long-time reader of Leadership Freak introduced me to executive coach Heath Diekart. An editor at BenBella introduced me to David Adler, founder of BizBash.

Relationships enrich life.

#3. Provide a steady hand on the rudder.

Anxious leaders have anxious followers.

Don’t add to anxiety unnecessarily. Provide stability; establish rituals at work.

1. Greet people with a smile and eye contact.
2. Walk around once or twice a day.
3. Be known for asking some of the same questions. When you ask the same questions, people know what matters.

#4. Say nice things to people.

Problems, pressure, and stress make being nice unusual. Don’t lower standards to be nice. Lead with heart.

Don’t confuse tough with mean.

Don’t turn coaching into criticizing.

Only open your mouth to make things better.

#5. Practice challenge AND support.

Ask two questions before your one-on-ones.

1. How can I challenge people to challenge themselves?
2. How can I support people without creating helplessness?

#6. Give people control.

Control freaks make lousy leaders. Talent likes to drive the boat.

Set a clear coarse and get out of the way.

Control freak question: How can I give control to others?

How can leaders lead with heart?

Still curious:

4 Ways to Become a Leader with an Open Heart

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3 Destructive Lies about Feelings

Two-year olds do what they feel.

You’re doomed until you learn to live beyond feelings.

You’re unstable when feelings control you. You’re unpredictable until character – not emotion – guides action. When you feel like sleeping do you go with your gut and stay in bed or do you jump in the shower? The difference is character.

A person governed by character is predictable, but you tiptoe around emotional volatility. The less tiptoeing teams need to do the more success they enjoy.

Don’t wait to feel it just get busy.

3 destructive lies about feelings:

Lie #1: You need to feel it before you do it.

The notion that you need to feel it before you do it is bull crap! People protest, “I feel like a hypocrite when emotion doesn’t align with action.”

Did you feel like giving your first public talk? Probably not. But you did.

When you do the right thing when you feel like doing the wrong thing, you’re responsible, not hypocritical.

Lie #2: It’s disingenuous when you do something you don’t feel.

Manipulation is disingenuous. When you feel like lying but tell truth it’s character.

You’re completely genuine when you live into your aspirational self. You don’t have to feel grateful to practice gratitude when you aspire to be grateful.

Practice gratitude when you don’t feel grateful. Someone might complain, “But I feel like a hypocrite. Isn’t it disingenuous when you do something you don’t feel?”

Lie #3: You can’t make yourself feel something.

There are two kinds of people in the world, those who feel their way into behaviors and those who behave their way into feeling.

Emotion follows action.

Action produces emotion.

Put a big smile on your face and your brain starts thinking you’re happy. Practice gratitude: feelings follow.

What do you do when you don’t feel like doing the right thing?

Here’s more:

4 Ways to Practice Gratitude when You Don’t Feel Grateful

Four Ways Gratitude Helps You with Difficult Feelings

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