Leadership Archives - Jeff Cassman

How to Find the Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness

I screwed up my face Sunday morning. While trimming my beard, I took off the spacer to clean it and forgot to put it back. The bathroom mirror revealed irreparable damage. So, I trimmed the whole thing down to the skin.

When my wife saw it, she said, “What happened?” Her tone discomforted me. I’ve had a beard since my 20’s. One day long ago, I shaved it off. My wife’s first words back then, “Grow it back.” I like a woman who knows what she likes. And she likes my beard. So, I like my beard.

I forgot about my deformed visage after a few hours.

Self-forgetfulness is freedom.

Damage of self-consciousness:

Self-consciousness is slavery to anxiety. Your inner critic takes the tone of imagined criticisms from others. “They’re staring at you. They think you’re ugly.”

Imagined criticism from others transforms into damaging self-criticism. You imagine others think you’re ugly. So, you tell yourself, “I’m ugly.”

Self-consciousness is the end of authenticity. You’re not yourself when fear amplifies the imagined voice of others.

How to find the freedom of self-forgetfulness:

#1. Develop yourself.

There are four stages of competence.

Unconscious incompetence.
Conscious incompetence.
Conscious competence.
Unconscious competence.

Incompetence forces you to focus on yourself. When you learned to drive a car, you went through all four stages. Now you don’t even think about yourself while you drive.

#2. Limit yourself.

People pleasers never develop self-forgetfulness. Don’t assume a power you don’t possess.

You do a few things well and many poorly. Focus on what you do well and let everything else go.

#3. Turn outward.

You forget yourself when you get lost in something outside yourself. Sometimes it’s healthy. Other times it’s destructive. Workaholics forget themselves, for example.

Bring advantage to others.

Turn toward something bigger than yourself. If it’s bigger than yourself, it requires self-forgetfulness.

How does self-consciousness hold people back?

How have you developed self-forgetfulness?

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Become Extraordinary: Guidelines for Reaching High

The stuff I read about setting goals is dangerous because it works.

The thing you reach for shapes you.

Big goals destroy us when we reach for the wrong thing.

Many lose what matters in pursuit of fool’s gold. Reaching high corrupts life and distorts perspectives when done poorly.

Guidelines for becoming extraordinary:

#1. Choose extraordinary.

Aim to become an extraordinary person.

Sir Edmund Hillary said, “People do not decide to become extraordinary. They decide to accomplish extraordinary things.”

I want to add a necessary dimension to Hillary’s quote. Meaningful goals are bigger than climbing Mt. Everest. Hillary said his greatest work was helping the Sherpa people.

Extraordinary people love deeply. I never met a hate-filled person worth respecting.

Image source: Edmund_Hillary

#2. Define achievement.

You achieve more when you aim for Mars, even if you don’t get there. (As long as Mars-goals motivate action.)

Look to the sky when you shoot for Mars, not Las Vegas. Someone said, “Shoot for the moon. If you miss it, you will still land among the stars.”

Modern quotes about aiming high may have begun with a poem by the poet and Anglican priest George Herbert who died in 1633. In the poem “The Church-Porch,” he writes…

Pitch thy behaviour low, thy projects high;
So shalt thou humble and magnanimous be:
Sink not in spirit; who aimeth at the sky,
Shoots higher much, than he that means a tree.
A grain of glory mix’d with humbleness
Cures both a Fever, and Lethargickness.

Herbert reminds us to be humble when we reach high. “Pitch your behavior low…” Aiming high doesn’t make you special. Any fool can aim high.

#3. Clarify evaluation.

A noble goal makes sense of the tapestry of life.

When setting high goals ask, “Is this how I want to measure my life?”

What is dangerous about setting high goals? Useful?

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Low Goals: 7 Unexpected Advantages

Better to set a small goal and meet it than a grand goal and feel defeated.

I set a low goal for riding my stationary bike, 85 minutes a week. I reach my target If I ride five times a week for 17 minutes. Last week I road four times but exceeded my goal.

I set a low mark to guarantee success. It helps that I’m maintaining, not riding in a race next month.

Sometimes you should aim low.

7 unexpected advantages of low goals:

#1. Boost confidence.

Novices need more encouragement than pros. Set attainable goals for novices and challenge goals for experts.

Everyone needs to feel they’re making progress. Goals that can’t be reached drain enthusiasm.

#2. Surf the wave.

Momentum is a series of successful endings. Grand objectives choke momentum because they’re achieved slowly.

A series of trivial wins takes you further than attempting one ginormous leap.

Tip: Slice long-term goals into manageable bites.

#3. Defeat procrastination.

You put off writing college papers because they were big and distant. Then you scrambled at the end.

Achievable action today is better than an ambitious aspiration next month.

#4. Develop habits.

Aim low at the beginning. When you return to working-out, just get in the car and drive to the gym.

Read, Mini Habits: Small Habits, Bigger Results, by Stephen Guise.

#5. Lower risk.

Attainable targets are safer than BHAGs.

Better to under-deliver than over-promise.

#6. Enable consistency.

You’re inconsistent when you regularly fall short.

#7. Facilitate learning.

Inexperience finds courage to learn when ambitions are manageable. Tight deadlines create stress, and stress makes us stupid.

When is it better to reach low? Reach high?

However, sometimes trivial targets limit potential and hinder growth. Tomorrow’s post focuses on setting high goals.

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An Elegant Accountability Practice for Today

Leaders often ask about ‘holding people accountable’. What they sometimes mean is, “How can I pressure resistance into compliance and still be a nice person?”

Accountability increases resistance when it’s coercion wrapped in cotton candy.

Being ‘held accountable’ sounds like working at gunpoint. It doesn’t have to be that way. Accountability isn’t arm twisting.

Elegant accountability:

#1. Practice personal responsibility.

Make yourself accountable to…

Know, respect, and maximize the top strengths and talents of everyone on the team.
Focus on the welfare of others. Accountability makes you a tyrant when you don’t care for people.
Bring vitality. Team energy hinges on the interactions you have with people.

#2. Leverage aspiration.

Shift your thinking from external coercion to internal drive.

High performers love being held accountable. They enjoy achievement. They look for weight to carry. Responsibility means work matters.

#3. Use a simple elegant practice.

One of my clients occasionally CC’s himself when he emails the supervisors he leads. He files his copy of the email in his follow up folder.

His team knows when he CC’s himself he’ll follow up with them in the near future.

If you use the CC-method:

Do it for yourself. You lose credibility when you don’t follow up.
Explain your strategy to everyone.
Always follow up when you CC yourself, always.
Don’t overuse the CC-method.

Holding people accountable in healthy ways makes work meaningful.

Still curious:

Mastering the Art of Creating Accountability

How to Hold People Accountable

Cotton candy image comes from A Person Holding a Pillow

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My Subscriber List is Broken

The last Leadership Freak post that went to the subscriber list was published on May 23 (At least that’s the best I can tell). I apologize for this inconvenience. There are indications that wordpress is working to resolve the issue.

Posts you might have missed:

The Ultimate Pursuit of Leadership: One leadership pursuit is more important than any other.

Quiet Quitting – 5 Questions that Confront Quiet Quitting: People who show up to give the minimum harm themselves and it’s not just disadvantaging their career.

7 Questions to Create Brag Time: Bragging is good when it’s invited. Leaders serve team members by providing brag time. Give it a try.

Culture Shock: The Most Important Habit of a Great Manager: This post is based on my conversation with the chief scientist at Gallup. One highlight: How to have a meaningful conversation. The answer is easier than you might think.

4 Questions that Guide Your Most Important Conversation: The most important conversation you have is the one you have with yourself. But don’t let your mind wander.

I wish you well,

Dan

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4 Questions that Guide Your Most Important Conversation

Quality of conversations predicts quality of life.

I talk to strangers even though momma said not to. You talk to dogs, babies, team members, bosses, family members, neighbors, and store clerks. Some talk to God. Others talk to nature. But the most important conversation you have is the one you have with yourself.

You guide action with words.

The quality of your leadership is directed by the conversation you have with yourself. Action begins with thought. Thoughts are words you say to yourself.

4 questions that guide the most important conversation:

Two of my clients reflect on the way home. One said he replays the day like a movie in his head. You probably do the same thing but haven’t noticed.

Brains run to dark places without direction. Tell your brain what to think about when you reflect. Self-defeating behaviors take root in gray matter.

Use structure to protect yourself from an angry inner critic. Guide self-reflection with established questions.

What are you glad you did today? You hate work if you aren’t happy about things you did.
How did people feel when your conversation with them ended? Anyone can beat down. Leaders energize action.
What did you plan to do today? What actually got done?
How did you serve your future self today?

Quality of questions determines quality of self-reflection.

Talk to action:

One leader said he calls people when he feels uncomfortable about a conversation. He doesn’t wait to get home. He calls them on the drive home. “Sometimes people say what they really think on the phone. It feels less confrontational than face-to-face.”

He might say, “I don’t feel good about our conversation.” This leads to reflecting on original intent and evaluating outcomes. He’s owning it, not blaming.

What questions for reflection do you suggest?

Still curious:

The Most Powerful Words You Hear

5 Ways to Expose Your Inner Critic

Don’t Underestimate the Power of Self-Reflection

20 Dangerous Traps Intelligent Leaders Stumble into by Accident

Culture Shock: The Most Important Habit of a Great Manager

Peter Drucker said, “The purpose of business is to create and keep a customer.”

Organizational culture is the way we treat each other while we do the work. Should you build a culture that puts employees or customers first? The better question is how can you enable team members to create and keep a customer?

The chief scientist at Gallup has a surprising answer.

Build a culture that energizes employees:

Jim Harter, chief scientist at Gallup, says the most important habit of a great manager is, “One meaningful conversation per week with each team member.” (In Gallup’s new book, “Culture Shock.”)

Lousy conversations are holes in your boat. Meaningful conversations propel you forward.

What is a meaningful conversation? Jim says a meaningful conversation, “Focuses on employee goals.”

“Discussing goals leads to customer retention, team collaboration, recognition, and wellbeing.”

The ultimate measure of a great manager:

Gauge manager effectiveness by asking employees on a scale of 1-5 if they have received meaningful feedback in the past week. Only 5s matter. (Jim explains meaningful conversations and the necessity of 5s in the video below.)

Meaningful feedback energizes performance. You’re doing it wrong when feedback sucks the life out of people. When giving feedback:

Clarify positive intention.
Confirm aspirations.
Determine the win.

Coaching conversations:

A coaching culture meets two primary demands of high performance and wellbeing.

Fit strengths to role. Are people using their strengths every day?
Have the right conversations. Do people know you’re personally interested in their success?

Jim Harter in his own words.

19:45 only 5s matter.
37:35 the power of one meaningful conversation a week.

What makes conversations meaningful?

“Culture Shock,” is released today, 5/30/2023.

This post is based on my conversation with Jim Harter.

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7 Questions to Create Brag Time

Give team members brag time in one-on-one meetings.

Bad stuff:

Bad overshadows good. You’re rightly concerned about making things better and solving problems. But constant concerns suck the life out of people.

You call issues and problems learning opportunities. Sometimes our ‘learning’ muscle needs a break.

7 questions to create brag time:

What are you glad you’re doing?
What’s energizing you this week?
What’s working?
What do you want to do more of?
What’s the best thing you’ve done at work this week?
What’s the best thing you’ve done for your team this week?
What’s the best thing you’ve done for a customer this week?

Brag to me:

Sometimes I just begin a coaching conversation with, “Brag to me.”

Introduction to brag time:

You can start brag time by saying…

“There are always issues to resolve. You deal with them all the time. You can’t brag to employees and colleagues. But you can brag to me.”

“Let’s talk about some good things for a few minutes.”

Brag about:

Before one-on-ones I take three minutes to do four things.

Take a few deep breaths to create a break from what I was just doing.
Reflect on what I admire about the person I’m going to meet with.
Choose how I want to show up.
Listen for any questions or topics to come to mind that I might bring up.

Sometimes I tell people what I admire about them.

Indirect brags:

I brag in indirect ways when I say things like:

I only work with top performers.
I only work with high aspiration people.
I admire and respect everyone I work with.

How might leaders integrate brag time into their one-on-ones?

Still curious:

The Secret Power of Bragging

A Five Step One-on-One Any Leader Can Do

Bragging: When Is It OK and When Is It Not OK? | Psychology Today

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Quiet Quitting – 5 Questions that Confront Quiet Quitting

Quiet quitting is a disaster. I’m not thinking about organizations. It’s a disaster for everyone. Doing the minimum at work is circling a black hole.

Quiet quitting is disengagement. Disengagement is boring. Imagine waiting for the day to end – day after day after day.

Engagement is necessary to flourish according to Martin Seligman. Engagement is getting lost in enjoyable challenges that mean something to you. (Read Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi’s book, “Flow,” to get a grip on engagement.)

5 questions that confront quiet quitting:

Quiet quitting is a leadership opportunity.

#1. How can you define ‘bigger’?

Feeling part of something bigger than yourself is part of belonging. Being part of a high functioning team enhances meaning at work.

#2. How are you letting people know their contribution matters?

If someone’s work doesn’t matter, why are you paying for it? Everyone’s contribution matters. If it doesn’t, eliminate their job.

#3. How can you encourage people to support each other?

Soldiers don’t simply fight to win battles; they fight for each other. Feeling supported feels like belonging.

Don’t shoot your wounded.

#4. How can you be loyal to team members?

Expendable people feel devalued. Why should people give their best when all that matters is the bottom line?

If you want people to be loyal to you, be loyal to them.

#5. How can you teach people that hard is meaningful and easy is boring?

Olympic medals are meaningful because people sweat to earn them. Sweat gives value. Trophies for showing up insult our potential. Only children brag about trophies for showing up.

Meaning energizes hard work. Belonging feels like meaning.

If you want people to engage, ask, “How can I create opportunities for people to feel like they belong?”

What is true when you feel like you belong?

How can leaders make a sense of belonging more likely?

Still curious:

3 Creative Ways to Cultivate Meaningful Connection

How to Find Fulfillment When Work is Frustrating

Quiet Quitting Is A Sign Of A Deeper Problem

12 Quiet Quitting Remedies

Image source: Hubble Sees Possible Runaway Black Hole Creating a Trail of Stars | NASA

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The Ultimate Pursuit of Leadership

It’s normal to complain; it’s leadership to make something better.

The consistent pursuit of improvement yields unfathomable advantage.

Improvement is the ultimate pursuit of leadership.

Choose the goal:

Know where you’re going before you begin. Stephen R. Covey said, “Begin with the end in mind®,” in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

Improvement is success if you improve the right things.

When you aspire to remarkable leadership, begin in three areas: self-knowledge, strengths/talents, and fatal flaws.

Pursuit #1: Improve self-knowledge:

“Everything in leadership starts with self-reflection,” says Harry Kraemer, former CEO of Baxter Pharmaceuticals. Harry told me the biggest challenge of leadership is knowing yourself. If you don’t know yourself, you can’t lead yourself. If you can’t lead yourself, how can you lead others?

Pursuit #2: Improve strengths and talents:

Gallup says, “A strength is the ability to consistently provide near-perfect performance in a specific activity. Talents are naturally recurring patterns of thought, feeling, or behavior that can be productively applied.”

Pursuit #3: Improve fatal flaws:

Not all flaws are equal.

Some flaws are low-impact inconveniences. Other weaknesses are fatal flaws that hold you back.

10 fatal flaws of leadership:

Low energy and enthusiasm.
Accepting mediocrity.
Lack of vision and direction.
Poor judgement.
Resistance to collaboration.
Not walking the talk. Inconsistency.
Resisting new ideas.
Not learning from mistakes.
Lacking personal skills. (Low EQ)
Failing to develop people.

The above list is adapted from the research of Zinger and Folkman.

Pursuit oriented questions:

Ask questions that reflect commitment to improvement:

What can we make better today? Embrace the brutal facts and work to improve something.
What’s the next step? Leaders think more about the next step than the last step.
What roadblocks to progress can we remove?
What’s holding us back? (Ask with the intention of accelerating improvement.)

What will you improve today?

A personal afterword:

On a personal level I work to improve two things, simplicity and writing. It’s distraction when we try to improve everything. Focus on aspirations. I aspire to a simple life, and I aspire to be a good writer.

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