Month: September 2021

Navigating People-Threats with Confidence

In nature the strong eat the weak. We live in a threatening world. Thankfully, no one is trying to eat you, at least literally.

Threats happen when:

1. Competitors gain a foothold with your clients.
2. Boundaries blur and colleagues intrude on your turf.
3. Someone wants your job.

Malevolent people are bigger threats than difficult circumstances. The most dangerous people smile while they cut you down.

Navigating people-threats with confidence:

#1. Listen to what people say. Believe what they do.

Threat wants to be perceived as a friend. It approaches with a smile on its lips and a knife behind its back.

#2. Obsessing is natural. Don’t condemn yourself.

Fear demands attention. Before long all you see is fear and all you taste is bitter.

#3. Recurring thoughts are magnifiers.

The more you think about something, the bigger it gets. Yes, take threats seriously, but focus on solution-finding, not catastrophizing.

#4. Agreements aren’t solutions.

Negotiated agreements with a threat might help, but they don’t remove concerns. The enigma of Ronald Regan’s statement comes to mind. “Trust but verify.”

#5. Protecting yourself is only half the battle.

When threatened you tend to build walls to protect your turf. But the walls that keep others out, hold you in. The added question is how you will expand your boundaries and add more value to others.

#6. Reconnect with your best self.

Threat pushes you off center. You forget yourself. When you forget yourself, you are never your best self.

Never let a threat be an excuse to do things you can’t tell momma about.

#7. Grow through, don’t simply push through.

1. How will you be a better person as a result of growing through a threat?
2. What’s going to be different about you when this threat is over?
3. How will you live up to your aspirational self today, not when this is over?

The above list is only a beginning. What suggestions do you have for succeeding when facing people-threats?

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7 Top Strategies that Break the Grip of Self-Inflicted Anxiety

Healthy anxiety rises to face challenge, opportunity, and threat. That tension in your gut means you care. But self-inflected anxiety causes leaders to…

1. Struggle with decision-making.
2. Flip flop after making decisions.
3. View others as threats.
4. Over-react.
5. Obsess.

(I’m thinking about anxiety as something we do to ourselves, not anxiety as a disorder* that may need professional treatment.)

Looking inward to reflect is necessary for self-awareness and growth. But constantly thinking about yourself contaminates life.

The difference between self-reflection and self-absorption is anxiety.

Self-reflection:

1. Reveals who you are.
2. Empowers healthy decision-making.
3. Exposes negative patterns before they become destructive habits.
4. Enables useful service.
5. Maximizes joyful contribution.

The purpose of self-reflection is expanding capacity to serve.

Self-reflection enables you to escape unhealthy navel gazing.

Self-absorption:

1. Replaces self-refection by focusing on what’s happening to you.
2. Disempowers decision-making.
3. Reinforces negative patterns until they become destructive habits.
4. Disables useful service.
5. Prevents joyful contribution.

A person absorbed with themself feels frustrated and offended when you don’t focus on them.

Healthy leaders think, “It’s all about others.” Sick leaders believe they’re the center of the universe.

7 top strategies that break the grip of self-inflicted anxiety:

1. Turn inward so you can turn outward. Turning inward is a means to an end, not an end in itself.
2. Take care of yourself so you can take care of others. Healthy habits keep anxiety at bay. Rest. Have fun. Eat good food.
3. Do something kind, generous, and unexpected every day. If possible, do it for someone who can’t pay you back.
4. Develop routines.
5. Engage in things that capture your attention. Engagement cures anxiety. You forget yourself.
6. Get a friend, mentor, or coach that helps you process and get outside yourself.
7. Do something physical. Take a walk in the park.

There’s more to self-inflicted anxiety than what I’ve written.

What causes self-inflected anxiety?

How might leaders break the grip of self-inflicted anxiety?

*Anxiety Disorders: Types, Causes, Symptoms & Treatments (clevelandclinic.org)

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Photo by SHaHraM Anhari on Unsplash

This message is excerpted from the book Life Coaching for Successful Women: Powerful Questions, Practical Answers by Valorie Burton.

Research shows that resilient people think differently. They have a set of skills – sometimes learned, other times innate – that allow them to persevere, manage stress, and triumph in the face of challenges. In the midst of your current challenges, which of the five traits of resilient people is it time to lean on?

1. They are authentic.
Resilient people are at peace with their humanity. Perhaps it is because their mistakes along the way have humbled them, or life experiences have helped them accept their own vulnerability, but resilient people don’t let imperfections hinder them. They don’t think failing makes them a failure. They learn as they go, making course corrections that lead them to positive outcomes.

As a leader, your ability to navigate challenges and lead effectively in an uncertain environment can set you apart and positively influence those you lead. Your team looks to you for clues about how to respond in these ever-changing times. Organizations that thrive with change are those who have high psychological capital – a workforce that has the resilience to see the big picture, embrace a new vision, and work together to persevere towards it.

2. They are flexible thinkers.
Even if they initially struggle with negative thoughts, resilient people are self-aware enough to notice when their thinking is counterproductive. They don’t jump to conclusions or make assumptions. Instead, they gather the facts they need to move around obstacles and face challenges head-on. If something isn’t working, they make adjustments. They find aspects of the challenge that are within their control, and they exercise that control.

3. They are (mostly) optimistic.
It’s hard to bounce back from setbacks when you see every obstacle as the end of the world. Research shows that optimists live as much as nine years longer than pessimists. But it isn’t just about positive thinking. Resilient people see risks and take precautions to prevent problems. When faced with a challenge, they are more likely to say, “I can get through this.”

4. They reach out.
Resilient people don’t go it alone. They have close friends and are not too proud to ask for help when they need it, talk out problems, or help others in need. When faced with a stressful situation, just knowing you have support can alleviate the pressure.

5. They use their strengths.
Everyone has innate talents and strengths. When faced with a challenge, there is power in tapping into those strengths – the things that come naturally to you. It takes less energy to use your strengths – and, in fact, you are energized by them. Know what your strengths are and use them.

Coach Yourself

Of the five key resilient traits, which do you possess in abundance? What is an example of a time…

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