Month: November 2023

Gratitude When You Don’t Feel It

Feelings aren’t the final authority on noble behaviors.

You do the right thing when you feel like doing the wrong thing all the time. For example, you want to share a piece of your mind you can’t afford to lose, but you don’t. That’s maturity, not hypocrisy.

Gratitude is a practice.

Express gratitude when you don’t feel it as long as you believe it’s the right thing to do.

4 ways to practice gratitude when you don’t feel it.

#1. Think about obstacles you have overcome.

The world’s leading expert on gratitude, Robert Emmons, says, “Remembering failures, sorrows, and other painful experiences is more beneficial to gratitude than recalling only the successes.”

Faking positivity hinders gratitude. Don’t forget the bad, remember how far you’ve come.

#2. Simplify a gratitude journal.

When I struggle to come up with five things to write in my gratitude journal it makes me ungrateful.

Don’t write five things in a gratitude journal, write one. If you want to challenge yourself, write one thing in the morning and one thing in the evening.

#3. Ask others about gratitude.

When you don’t feel grateful, ask others what they are grateful for. Better yet, ask, “Who are you grateful to?”

#4. Express gratitude.

Unexpressed gratitude is ungratefulness.

1. Lower your expectations. Notice little things.
2. Say, “I appreciate you.”
3. Say, “I notice xyz. Thank you for doing that.”

What suggestions do you have for expressing gratitude when you don’t feel it?

Still curious:

7 Powerful Ways to Elevate Leadership with Gratitude

The Five Freedoms of Gratitude

A Little Gratitude Goes a Long Way

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One-On-Ones: 7 Powerful Phrases to Use

You spend large amounts of time talking. Embrace the transformative power of one-on-one conversations.

Words are hammers. Your hammer gets heavier when you earn respect.

Believe in the power of words. You devalue your ability to influence when you say, “No one really cares what I say.”

Before one-on-ones:

Set an intention before you open your mouth.

Are you striving to instruct, build, correct, encourage? Choose words that express your intention.

Imagine your words have weight. Allow the power of words to influence the way you use words. Only a fool spews words with disregard for their impact.

Tip: You don’t need to say everything you think.

7 powerful phrases to use in one-on-ones:

1. I love your…. Name qualities that align with organizational values – passion, determination, vision, empathy, openness. Tell people you respect them.
2. You aren’t helping yourself when…. Teach people to avoid self-defeating behaviors.
3. When I see you at your best, I see you ….
4. I notice you (something good). Keep it up.
5. You belong here.
6. You earned this opportunity.
7. I want you beside me during this challenge.

10 Powerful questions to use in one-on-ones:

1. How are you feeling?
2. On a scale of 1:10 what level of challenge are you at? Show interest in well-being.
3. What are you learning?
4. What do you want to do differently moving forward?
5. What’s working?
6. How can you take yourself to the next level?
7. What would you like to ask?
8. What should I be asking?
9. I wonder if _______ holds you back?
10. How is your confidence level? What could you do to raise your confidence?

The rule:

The #1 rule of leadership communication is: Only open your mouth to make something better.

How many times have words changed your perspective. You shift, for example, from defeat to opportunity when someone asks, “What are you learning?”

What are some of the best and worst things you’ve heard or said during one-on-ones?

What’s your go-to statement or question you like to use?

Still curious:

The Top 10 Rules for Talking Like a Leader

How to Measure the Impact of Words

4 Ways to Talk Like a Leader

Avoid Enemies of Energy in Workplace, Advises Rockwell | NIH Record

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Leadership isn’t Disney Land

We live in an imperfect world. The universe isn’t conspiring to do anything.

Leadership is more like a war zone than Disney Land. Yes, it’s fulfilling. Yes, there are rewards. And yes, you get to make a difference.

Leadership isn’t Disney Land. Success is enjoying the battle.

Leadership isn’t Disney Land:

1. You can’t fix everything. Shift from fixing to enabling others to fix.
2. When you feel certain, you’re missing something.
3. Turbulence is normal. You work toward stability, but if the seas are calm now, they won’t be for long.
4. Where people interact, friction pops up.
5. Change makes things worse before it makes them better.
6. New people usually make friction worse.
7. Complaints are like weeds. You pull them today – they return tomorrow.
8. You have inadequate information. It’s foggy most of the time.
9. Some people are jerks. It doesn’t matter what you do.
10. Focus is rare – distraction normal.

How to enjoy living in a war zone:

#1. Remember why:

Nietzsche said, “He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.”

Constant battles cause you to forget the reason for the war.

Why are you leading in the first place?

#2. Learn:

Be a learner, not a knower. Ask questions.

1. What do you think we should do?
2. What’s important?
3. What are we learning?
4. Why does it matter? Or what’s important about this?
5. What does the win look like? It’s shocking how many people work in frustration without an idea of what a win looks like.

#3. Expect people to do their job:

Kind leaders tend to assign work to themselves. You’re a failure when you regularly do someone’s job for them.

War zones are intolerable when you consistently do other people’s work for them.

What’s on your list of discomforting realities about leadership?

How can people enjoy the battles in leading?

Still curious:

5 Ways to Exploit the Circle of Life

4 Steps to Defining the Win

Humility and self-reflection strengthen leaders for the battle. Click here to check out, The Vagrant: The Inner Journey of Leadership. It’s a wonderful tool for leaders facing challenges.

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Like most things, the art of effective speaking has evolved and changed. Accepted practices that once worked well haven’t necessarily withstood the test of time.

While principle never change, the way we apply those principles can and do change. Here are five key techniques that are powerful and relevant today.

1. Be more conversational and less formal: In the past, public speakers often adopted a more formal tone and delivery, which could come across as stiff or boring to younger audiences. Today, younger audiences tend to respond better to a more conversational tone and a relaxed, natural delivery.

2. Use multimedia: In the past, public speakers often relied solely on their words to convey their message. Today, younger audiences are accustomed to a constant stream of multimedia content, and speakers need to incorporate images, videos, and other visuals into their presentations to keep their audience engaged.

3. Incorporate interactive elements: In the past, public speaking was often a one-way communication channel, with the speaker delivering their message and the audience listening passively. Today, younger audiences expect to be more actively engaged in the process, whether that means taking part in a Q&A session, participating in live polls, or being asked to share their own thoughts and experiences.

4. Be authentic: In the past, public speakers were often seen as distant, authoritative figures who had all the answers. Today, younger audiences value authenticity and want to hear from speakers who are willing to share their personal experiences and vulnerabilities.

5. Support and complement your message with social media: In the past, public speaking was largely limited to live events and broadcasts. Today, social media has transformed the way that public speakers connect with audiences, allowing them to build a following and engage with their audience on an ongoing basis.

These are five simple but effective power moves you can use to be a more effective communicator and leader. Pay attention to the nuances of change in your audiences, but also remember that the fundamentals of good public speaking, such as clear objectives, a compelling message, and effective delivery remain just as important as ever.

 

Mark Sanborn is motivational keynote speaker and Leadership Expert in Residence at High Point University, the Premier Life Skills University. His presentations help the best leaders get better and inspire listeners to choose to be extraordinary. For more information about his work, visit www.marksanborn.com. 

Author: Mark Sanborn

Mark holds the Certified Speaking Professional designation from the National Speakers Association (NSA) and is a member of the Speaker Hall of Fame. He was recently honored with the Cavett Award, the highest honor the NSA bestows on its members, in recognition of his outstanding contributions to the speaking profession. In 2020, Global Gurus named Mark the #5 Leadership Authority in the world.

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