Month: October 2022

The Goal of Helping is Enabling, Not More Helping

Ego needs to feel important. A ego-filled leader enjoys dependent relationships.

Helping feels good. It’s destructive when people can’t move forward without you.

Reject the ego-building intoxication that comes from being needed.

The goal of helping is enabling:

Over-helping makes people weak. People enable themselves. You provide tools, training, and opportunity.

Belief is the beginning of enabling. Ego enjoys the dependency of others. Leaders help people believe in themselves. If people believe in you, help them believe in themselves.

You create dependency when people need permission. Initiative indicates confidence. Permission-asking indicates dependency. The more check-ins you require, the more dependent people become.

You promote insecurity when you hoard information and resources. Build teams that move forward without you. Clarify goals together. Identify resources together. Establish timelines together. Schedule appropriate check-ins and set competent people free.

You perpetuate dependency when you solve problems for people. Never offer a solution until you ask, “What have you tried?” Explore their solutions before offering your own. Never help a competent person who hasn’t tried something already.

You prolong neediness when people are afraid to offer alternative viewpoints. When was the last time someone disagreed with you?

1. When someone asks what you think, ask, “What do you think?”
2. When someone asks for advice, ask, “What would you do?”
3. When someone is hesitant, ask, “What’s the bravest thing you can do?”

You maintain helplessness when you do all the talking. The person who talks the most has the most power. Give power by providing space for others to talk. Shift their talking from things others should do to things they can do.

How can leaders offer help that doesn’t promote dependency?

Added resources:

7 Rules for Overhelpful Leaders

Have you Fallen into the Destructive Practice of Offering Harmful Help

Helping People Achieve Their Goals

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25 Real World Ways to Lower Stress without Medication or Meditation – Leadership Freak {const n=e.match(d);return!(!n||!new RegExp(n[1],n[2]).test(navigator.userAgent))||navigator.userAgent.includes(e)})))return;e.g.addEventListener(“DOMContentLoaded”,(()=>{const e=document.getElementById(“amp-mobile-version-switcher”);if(!e)return;e.hidden=!1;const n=e.querySelector(“a[href]”);n&&n.addEventListener(“click”,(()=>{sessionStorage.removeItem(a)}))}));const g=o&&[“paired-browsing-non-amp”,”paired-browsing-amp”].includes(window.name);if(sessionStorage.getItem(a)||r||g)return;const m=new URL(location.href),h=new URL(t);h.hash=m.hash,m.searchParams.has(s)&&i===m.searchParams.get(s)?sessionStorage.setItem(a,”1″):h.href!==m.href&&(window.stop(),location.replace(h.href))}({“ampUrl”:”https://leadershipfreak.blog/2022/10/27/25-real-world-ways-to-lower-stress-without-medication-or-meditation/?amp=1″,”noampQueryVarName”:”noamp”,”noampQueryVarValue”:”mobile”,”disabledStorageKey”:”amp_mobile_redirect_disabled”,”mobileUserAgents”:[“Mobile”,”Android”,”Silk/”,”Kindle”,”BlackBerry”,”Opera Mini”,”Opera Mobi”],”regexRegex”:”^\/((?:.|n)+)\/([i]*)$”,”isCustomizePreview”:false,”isAmpDevMode”:false})}(); ]]>

25 Real World Ways to Lower Stress without Medication or Meditation

1. Show up curious. Pressure to know solutions increases stress.
2. Adopt a 50-minute hour. Take a short break between meetings. Tip: Make back-to-back meetings illegal.
3. Stop being such a control freak. Create a list of things you can’t control. Read it when you feel stressed. Refusing to accept reality increases stress.
4. Design a schedule that reflects the life you aspire to enjoy. The way you use time determines the quality of your life. When your calendar frustrates you, life is dismal. (This will take lots of time.)
5. Surround yourself with competent trustworthy people. Don’t trust incompetent people.
6. Compliment someone you don’t like. Be sure to smile when you do.
7. Give something on your to-do list to someone.
8. Stroll. (Add whistling or humming for deeper effect.)
9. Do something physical. 10 pushups. Sweep the floor. Anything will do.
10. Say what you really think. Always speak with kindness and forward-facing vision. Backward-facing language reflects powerless thinking. You can’t change the past.
11. Walk out of the office with empty hands.
12. Send a thank you email. Surprise someone with a kind act.
13. Practice saying no with kindness. Establish boundaries.
14. Do something you’re putting off. Procrastination increases stress.
15. Do something you dread doing. Tip: Stop thinking about things you can’t do. Go do something.
16. Pat dogs and cats. Hug a person.
17. Cut back on caffeine.
18. Turn off the TV.
19. Throw stuff away.
20. Don’t rush to the next thing. Finish something and reward yourself.
21. Delete all emails that are 30 days old or older. Tip: Don’t respond to emails when you’re in the CC line.
22. Turn off email notifications. Tip: Turn off your phone for an hour and store it out of sight.
23. Stop trying to convince people you’re right. See #4 above.
24. Question urgencies. Will this matter in a week, month, or year?
25. Hang with people you like.

How do you lower stress?

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7 Questions You Can Use to Help Anyone Develop, Even the Boss

Leadership is more than getting things done. Leaders bring out the best in people.

Successful leaders ask questions that help others develop.

7 questions that help anyone develop:

#1. What do people admire about you?

Listen for traits and behaviors. Affirm their response. Come up with at least three responses.

#2. Why do you think they admire those traits and behaviors?

This question may feel awkward. Don’t push too hard. Move to the next question.

#3. What value do those traits and behaviors bring others?

Use the word others. Leadership is about others. If the person initially listed qualities and behaviors that were self-serving, ask #1 again using the lens of “value to others”.

Don’t rush to question #3. It might be enlightening to gently shift the conversation from self-serving to other-serving.

#4. If you were asked how to develop those admirable traits and behaviors, what practices would you suggest?

Come up with observable actions. Take time to develop a list. Ask, “And what else comes to mind?”

#5. Which one of those traits has most contributed to your success? What makes you say that?

#6. What is the potential downside your admirable traits and behaviors? How might they hold you back?

#7. If you were to get better at one of your admirable traits or behaviors, what could you try?

Suggestions:

Genuine curiosity is essential. Don’t use questions to manipulate. Questions #3 provides an opportunity to shift perspective, but you can’t force it.

Always have the best interest of others at heart. When you help people develop, do it for them.

Gently probe after first responses. Ask, “I wonder if you could come up with at least three things?” Or, “What else comes to mind?”

Soften questions with phrases like, “I’m curious,” or “I wonder.”

How would you adapt the above set of questions?

How do you develop people, even the boss?

Still curious:

15 Questions that Change the Way People Think

10 Questions You Need to Ask to Develop Employees

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