A Peaceful Sign That You Are An Introvert

Discover the difference between healthy solitude and harmful isolation in this study.

Discover the difference between healthy solitude and harmful isolation in this study.

Both extraverts and introverts need solitude to recharge — although introverts prefer to have more alone time, psychologists find.

Wanting to be alone is not necessarily a red flag for depression or isolation, the research concludes.

In fact, choosing solitude can be a sign of self-acceptance and personal growth.

Periods of solitude can provide spiritual renewal, critical self-reflection and even a chance for creative expression.

Professor Margarita Azmitia, study co-author, said:

“Solitude has gotten a lot of bad press, especially for adolescents who get labeled as social misfits or lonely.

Sometimes, solitude is good.

Developmentally, learning to be alone is a skill, and it can be refreshing and restorative.”

Wanting to be alone is not necessarily about shyness or loneliness, Professor Azmitia said:

“There’s a stigma for kids who spend time alone.

They’re considered lacking in social skills, or they get labeled ‘loners’.

It’s beneficial to know when you need to be alone and when you need to be with others.

This study quantifies the benefits of solitude and distinguishes it from the costs of loneliness or isolation.”

The conclusions come from a study of 979 young people who completed a survey about solitude.

The results showed that those who sought solitude because they felt rejected were at a higher risk of depression and anxiety.

However, those who sought solitude for positive reasons did not face any of these risks.

Dr Virginia Thomas, the study’s first author, said:

“These results increase our awareness that being alone can be restorative and a positive thing.

The question is how to be alone without feeling like we’re missing out.

For many people, solitude is like exercising a muscle they’ve never used.

You have to develop it, flex it, and learn to use time alone to your benefit.”

Dr Thomas said both introverts and extraverts need solitude:

“Introverts just need more of it.

Our culture is pretty biased toward extroversion.

When we see any sign of shyness or introversion in children, we worry they won’t be popular.

But we overlook plenty of well-adjusted teens and young adults who are perfectly happy when alone, and who benefit from their solitude.”

The study was published in the Journal of Adolescence (Thomas et al., 2019).

Author: Jeremy Dean

Psychologist, Jeremy Dean, PhD is the founder and author of PsyBlog. He holds a doctorate in psychology from University College London and two other advanced degrees in psychology. He has been writing about scientific research on PsyBlog since 2004. He is also the author of the book “Making Habits, Breaking Habits” (Da Capo, 2013) and several ebooks. View all posts by Jeremy Dean

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My Battle with a Tractor: Tools Make the Job

My Battle with a Tractor: Tools Make the Job

Yesterday I wrestled our garden tractor into submission. She almost pinned me until I called a friend for help. There’s always one nut or bolt that laughs when you try to loosen it.

Joe had the impact driver I needed. He offered to come help, but I refused. When you’re in a battle of pride, winning with another’s assistance is defeat. But borrowing tools is acceptable humility.

The old girl trembled when she saw the glint in my eye. She surrendered when the red Milwaukee cordless impact driver spun into action. Just the sound made our 17-year-old Craftsman riding mower shiver. Success came in the time it took to pull the trigger. My wife mowed the grass after dinner.

Tools make the job. Image of tools.

Tools make the job:

Skills are tools.

Skills are learned. The beautiful thing about skills is anyone can learn them. Lousy communicators learn to provide clarity. Think of kindness, gratitude, and humility as skills. They can be learned.

Skills, used well, are the only way stuff gets done.

Skills get in the way when they don’t fit. The first law of the instrument is we tend to overuse familiar tools.

A Phillips screwhead mocks a flathead screwdriver. Fixing a garden tractor’s drivebelt isn’t the same as replacing a well pump. Stay humble after success. You can always learn new skills.

Abraham Kaplan said, “Give a boy a hammer and everything he meets has to be pounded.”

Skills are often acquired through others. You learn to use body language to indicate you’re listening by seeing a skillful listener do it.

Notice people who achieve things you aspire to. What are they doing that produces results? Find ways to emulate their skills. Let yourself feel like a fraud when you pick up new tools.

What skills are most important for leaders today?

What leadership tools do you love using?

Still curious:

The Skill Leaders Neglect to Their Peril

7 Ways to Master the Most Important Leadership Skill

A little book about humility.

John David Mann and I give readers an opportunity for structured self-reflection in our new book, The Vagrant. There’s hope for you if you occasionally see yourself in the story.

Click here https://amzn.to/3WC9Qw6 to learn more.

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13 Writing Side Hustles To Earn An Extra $1,000

13 Writing Side Hustles To Earn An Extra $1,000 triggerPosition) { // Show or modify the styles of your sticky bar welcomeBar[0].style.display = ‘block’; } else { // Hide or revert the styles of your sticky bar welcomeBar[0].style.display = ‘none’; } }); ]]> 13 Writing Side Hustles To Earn An Extra $1,000 ]]> {{{ ( data.maybeFilterHTML() === ‘true’ ) ? _.escape( data.label ) : data.label }}} ]]>

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This Is How Long Social Pressure Really Lasts (M)

What group influence is doing to you and how long until you reclaim your independence.

What group influence is doing to you and how long until you reclaim your independence.

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Author: Jeremy Dean

Psychologist, Jeremy Dean, PhD is the founder and author of PsyBlog. He holds a doctorate in psychology from University College London and two other advanced degrees in psychology. He has been writing about scientific research on PsyBlog since 2004. He is also the author of the book “Making Habits, Breaking Habits” (Da Capo, 2013) and several ebooks. View all posts by Jeremy Dean



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These Forbidden Words Soothe Embarrassment And Rejection

Certain words can reduce both social pain and physical pain.

Certain words can reduce both social pain and physical pain.

Swearing can help to relieve hurt feelings and an aching heart, research has found.

Swearing aloud helps to quickly reduce various types of ‘social distress’ such as being socially excluded.

The experiment was carried out to test ‘Pain Overlap Theory’.

This is the idea that physical pain is processed in a similar way by the brain as social pain, the kind you get from being rejected or embarrassed.

Dr Michael Philipp, the study’s first author, explained the results:

“The results suggest that socially distressed participants who swore out loud experienced less social pain than those who did not.

Previous research suggests that social stressors, like rejection and ostracism, not only feel painful but also increase peoples’ sensitivity to physical pain.

Pain Overlap Theory suggests that social distress feels painful because both social and physical pain is biologically coupled.

Pain overlap theory predicts that anything affecting physical pain should have similar effects on social pain.”

In the study some people shouted out swear words in response to social pain.

Others shouted out non-swear words.

Swearing reduced the social pain and also reduced people’s sensitivity to physical pain.

This suggests that physical and social pain are related, as the theory suggests.

It means the hurt you feel when someone gives you the silent treatment is, in some sense, similar to that caused by banging your thumb with a hammer.

Dr Philipp said:

“There is still speculation about why swearing aloud has the effect it does on physical pain and social pain.

What’s clear is that swearing is not a completely maladaptive reaction to a sore thumb or a broken heart.”

Dr Philipp was also quick to warn that swearing all the time reduces its power.

So save it up for when you really need it.

The study was published in the European Journal of Social Psychology (Phillip et al., 2017).

Author: Jeremy Dean

Psychologist, Jeremy Dean, PhD is the founder and author of PsyBlog. He holds a doctorate in psychology from University College London and two other advanced degrees in psychology. He has been writing about scientific research on PsyBlog since 2004. He is also the author of the book “Making Habits, Breaking Habits” (Da Capo, 2013) and several ebooks. View all posts by Jeremy Dean

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The Genius of Listening to Stories

The Genius of Listening to Stories

Stories invite engagement. I’m not talking about telling stories. I’m talking about hearing them.

Your greatest tool of influence is your ears.

When people hear facts, they decide if they agree. But stories create landscapes. Facts invite intellectual responses. Personal narratives inspire vitality.

Facts are about reliability. But when you hear a story, you ask, “What does this mean?”

We’re adrift without facts. We’re barren without stories.

We're adrift without facts. We're barren without stories. Image of a dead tree in the desert.

Use how, when, who, and where to invite stories:

People use cliches to express values. You may hear an epic tale when you ask, “How did you come to believe that?”

Invite time travel. Instead of “how” ask “when”? When did this become important to you? Or tell me about a time when your perspective on leadership radically shifted? Begin gently. Where did you grow up? What did you want to be when you grew up?

People like you when you respect their stories. Image of an admiring dog.

When someone exhibits passion, ask, “Who shaped the way you feel about this?” Use the word “feel” not “think”.

I asked a person I coach, “When did achievement become important to you?” He told me about riding in a car with his coach. About the feel of the seats and door. He recalled the smell. He remembered his words and the single sentence his coach said.

It was quiet in the car. He broke the silence by saying, “That was embarrassing.” The coach replied, “Yes it was.” Those three words ignited a fire that propelled him to excellence.

The foundation of change is self-reflection. Stories invite self-reflection. Tell me about a person who shaped the way you think about yourself. Or tell me about the person who was influential in shaping your values.

You become a person of influence when you invite people to tell their story.

How can leaders invite people to tell their story?

Still curious:

How to Use Story to Fuel Vitality

How to Use Hero Stories Today

This post is inspired by chapter 15 of, “How to Know a Person,” by David Brooks.

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7 Psychology Studies On Love’s Strange Secrets

Uncover love’s strange secrets with these seven illuminating psychology studies on relationships.

Uncover love’s strange secrets with these seven illuminating psychology studies on relationships.

These seven psychology studies explore how we navigate love, loss and connection.

They shed light on how our gender can influence our priorities, how we recover from heartbreak and the subtle dynamics that shape long-term partnerships.

They also explore the impact of bullying on teenagers and the power of self-compassion in romantic relationships.

These studies are all from the members-only section of PsyBlog — if you are not already, find out how to become a PsyBlog member here.

1.

Are you misinterpreting your partner’s jealousy triggers?

2.

Researchers tracked over 200,000 people to reveal the hidden impact of breakups on mental health.

3.

Learn why positivity might not be enough to save your love life.

4.

How bullying in adolescence plants seeds of suspicion that lead to mental health struggles later in life.

5.

The transformative power of this emotion in romantic relationships.

6.

Up to 5 percent of people in the U.S. report they are currently in a consensual non-monogamous relationships.

7.

Saying “I love you” is a risk — if it is not reciprocated it could irreparably damage the relationship.

.

Author: Jeremy Dean

Psychologist, Jeremy Dean, PhD is the founder and author of PsyBlog. He holds a doctorate in psychology from University College London and two other advanced degrees in psychology. He has been writing about scientific research on PsyBlog since 2004. He is also the author of the book “Making Habits, Breaking Habits” (Da Capo, 2013) and several ebooks. View all posts by Jeremy Dean

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How Navigating Stressful Situations Can Make You a Hardier Leader 

How Navigating Stressful Situations Can Make You a Hardier Leader 

Book Giveaway!!

20 copies available!!

Leave a comment on this guest post by Dr. Steven Stein to become eligible for one of 20 complimentary copies of his new book, Hardiness: Making Stress Work for You to Achieve Your Life Goals.

Deadline for eligibility is 05/11/2024. International winners will receive electronic version.

The mindset you adopt when approaching a stressful situation can affect your reaction and success in dealing with it. Stress itself is not inherently bad, but how you manage it is important. 

Each successful encounter with a difficult situation enables your hardiness factor to grow. 

The mindset you adopt when approaching a stressful situation can affect your reaction and success in dealing with it. 

Some people get through difficult times by becoming more engaged and more challenged. 

Where we see ourselves and our sense of control over the things around us play important roles in our ability to overcome the challenges that we encounter in life. 

Some people get through difficult times by becoming more engaged, more challenged, and more in control of their lives. We call it hardiness. Image a dog licking its nose.

Build commitment: 

  • Take time to think about what is important and interesting to you.  
  • Increase your skills and competence in an area that is important to you.  
  • Take pride in your past successes and achievements. 
  • Remember the good things in life and count your blessings. 
  • Spend time with family, friends, and people you care about. 
  • Pay attention to what’s going on in the world around you. 

Be up for the challenge: 

  • Look at changes as opportunities to learn and get better. 
  • Ask yourself, “What can I learn from this?” whenever you fail at something. 
  • Be willing to change your plans to meet changing conditions. 
  • Try out new things. 
  • Take reasonable risks. 
  • Imagine future positive outcomes. 
  • Do not dwell on past disappointments. Learn, forgive, and look ahead. 

Take Control: 

  • For difficult jobs, break them into manageable pieces so that you can see the progress.  
  • Plan ahead and gather the right tools and resources for the task.  
  • Ask for help when you need it. 
  • Recognize your successes. 
  • When you cannot solve the problem, focus on other things you can control. 

What was true for you when you became more engaged, more challenged, and more in control during difficult times?

Dr. Steven Stein is a world-renowned clinical psychologist, international best-selling author, sought-after speaker, and founder and Executive Chair of Multi-Health Systems (MHS), a publisher of scientifically validated assessments for over 40 years. His most recently published books include Emotional Intelligence for Dummies and Hardiness: Making Stress Work for You to Achieve Your Life Goals. You can learn more about Dr. Stein on his website

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Foundations of Agency Success: Simplifying Operations for Growth

Why do we read books like Traction, Scaling Up, and the E-Myth and still struggle with implementing systems, defining processes, and training people in our agency?

Those are incredibly comprehensive methodologies. And yet digital agencies still suffer from feast or famine months, inconsistent results and timelines on projects, quality control, revisions, and much more. It’s not because they aren’t excellent at what they do. I

t’s not because there isn’t value in their service. It’s often because they haven’t defined the three most important elements of delivery: the how, the when, and the why

Complicating our operations early on can lead to a ton of failure in implementing them. Business owners overcomplicate their own processes, hesitate to write things down, and then there’s a ton of operational drag in the company.

Couple that with split attention and paper-thin resources and you have yourself an agency that spends most of its time putting out fires, reacting to problems with clients, and generally building a culture of “the Founder/Creative Director/Leader will fix it” mentality. 

Before we chat through how truly simple this can all be, let’s first go back to the beginning. 

When we start our companies, we’re told to hustle. And hustle hard. We’re coached that it takes a ton of effort to create momentum, close deals, hire people, and manage projects. And that is all true. There is a ton of work that goes into getting a business up and running.

The challenge is that we all adopt this habit of burning the candle at both ends and the middle all for the sake of growing the business. And we bring that habit into the next stage of growth when our business needs… you guessed it… exactly the opposite. 

In Mike Michalowitz’s book, Profit First he opens by insisting the reader understand and accept a fundamental truth: our business is a cash-eating monster. The truth is, our business is also a time-eating monster. And it’s only when we realize that as long as we keep feeding it our time and our resources, it’ll gobble everything up leaving you with nothing in your pocket and a ton of confusion around why you can’t grow.

Truth is, financial problems are easy compared to operational problems. Money is everywhere. You can go get a loan or go create more revenue by providing value easily. What’s harder is taking that money and creating systems that produce profitably. Next level is taking that money, creating profit and time freedom. 

In my bestselling book, The Sabbatical Method, I teach owners how to fundamentally peel back the time they spend in their company, doing everything, and how it can save owners a lot of money, time, and headaches by professionalizing their operations.

The tough part about being a digital agency owner is that you likely started your business because…

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Cooking Fish This Way Linked To 14% Larger Brain Volume In Key Area

Brain regions responsible for cognition were 14 percent larger in those who ate fish cooked with this method.

Brain regions responsible for cognition were 14 percent larger in those who ate fish cooked with this method.

Eating both baked and broiled fish once a week protects the brain from loosing gray matter with age, according to new research.

The findings found no link between eating fried fish and better brain health.

Dr Cyrus Raji, who led the study, explained:

“Baked or broiled fish contains higher levels of omega-3s than fried fish because the fatty acids are destroyed in the high heat of frying, so we took that into consideration…”

The data came from 260 people who had their brains scanned and who also provided information on what they had been eating.

They were all part of a 10-year study starting in 1989 which was originally designed to reveal the lifestyle factors important in cardiovascular health.

The study found that people who ate baked or broiled fish had, on average, 4.3% larger brain volumes in the areas responsible for memory and 14% larger volumes in areas responsible for cognition.

Professor James T. Becker, who co-authored the study, explained the results:

“Our study shows that people who ate a diet that included baked or broiled, but not fried, fish have larger brain volumes in regions associated with memory and cognition.

We did not find a relationship between omega-3 levels and these brain changes, which surprised us a little.

It led us to conclude that we were tapping into a more general set of lifestyle factors that were affecting brain health of which diet is just one part.”

Omega-3 fatty acids, which are also found in seeds, nuts and certain oils, have been repeatedly found to enhance brain health.

However, in this study there was no link between actual omega-3 levels in the body and changes in the brain.

Dr Becker said:

“This suggests that lifestyle factors, in this case eating fish, rather than biological factors contribute to structural changes in the brain.

A confluence of lifestyle factors likely are responsible for better brain health, and this reserve might prevent or delay cognitive problems that can develop later in life.”

The study was published in the American Journal of Preventive Medicine (Raji et al., 2014).

Author: Jeremy Dean

Psychologist, Jeremy Dean, PhD is the founder and author of PsyBlog. He holds a doctorate in psychology from University College London and two other advanced degrees in psychology. He has been writing about scientific research on PsyBlog since 2004. He is also the author of the book “Making Habits, Breaking Habits” (Da Capo, 2013) and several ebooks. View all posts by Jeremy Dean

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