3 Ways to Serve Your Future Self Today

3 Ways to Serve Your Future Self Today

The power of living is decisions have a life of their own. It is disappointment and dread. All action has a future. Choices have lifespans. Poor choices feel good in the present but persecute you in the future.

To my future self: I think I need to remember what you will remember about me. Image of a pen to paper.

I didn’t connect consequences with actions when I was young. I just did what I wanted. Now that I’m a gray hair I know decisions keep breathing long after you wish they would gasp and die.

Actions are seeds. Consequences are fruit. Every choice impacts the future.

3 ways to serve your future self today:

#1. Morning orientation:

What can you do today that will cause you to pat yourself on the back tonight? Invite the near future into this moment. Choose one thing.

#2. Personal goal setting:

Serve your future self today.

What goal can you set for yourself this month that you will thank yourself for a year from now? The trouble with fruit is delay. You want the juicy fruit but cultivating, planting, watering, and weeding drag on.

Write your near-term goal on paper. Talk it over with a friend. If you suck at keeping goals, make it small enough that you will actually do it. Just commit to put on your gym clothes. Next, commit to drive to the gym.

#3. Consider others:

A leader’s decisions shape other people’s lives. People respond to the way you show up. Your tone of voice. Your demeanor.

The way you treat others impacts the quality of your life. Your actions are the wake of a boat. Consider your wake.

Make a list of three things you respect about everyone on your team. Carry it with you for a few days. Read it before meetings.

What can you do today to brighten the future of others?

How can you serve your future self today?

Still curious:

12 Promises to My Future Self

6 Ways to Honor Your Future Now

From Teen Magazine: A Letter to My Future Self

Like this:

Like Loading…



Continue reading

10 Hacks To Master Your Focus and Crush Distractions (M)

Uncover the truth about multitasking, how to deal with interruptions, entering a flow state, finding the right environment and much more…

Uncover the truth about multitasking, how to deal with interruptions, entering a flow state, finding the right environment and much more…

Keep reading with a membership

• Adverts removed
• Cancel at any time
• 14 day money-back guarantee

Author: Jeremy Dean

Psychologist, Jeremy Dean, PhD is the founder and author of PsyBlog. He holds a doctorate in psychology from University College London and two other advanced degrees in psychology. He has been writing about scientific research on PsyBlog since 2004. He is also the author of the book “Making Habits, Breaking Habits” (Da Capo, 2013) and several ebooks. View all posts by Jeremy Dean



Keep reading here

One Thing That Reduces Dementia Risk 40%

Dementia risk can be reduced 40 percent in this common way.

Dementia risk can be reduced 40 percent in this common way.

Avoiding loneliness reduces dementia risk by 40 percent, research finds.

The study helps underline the striking effect of loneliness on health.

People can still feel lonely despite regular contact with friends, family and colleagues, research shows.

Loneliness can be a feeling of not fitting in with those around you — despite having a lot of social contact.

Dr Angelina Sutin, who led the study, said:

“We are not the first people to show that loneliness is associated with increased risk of dementia.

But this is by far the largest sample yet, with a long follow-up.

And the population was more diverse.”

Socially isolated

The study followed 12,000 Americans over 50-years-old for up to 10 years.

All reported on their levels of loneliness and took cognitive tests.

During the study, 1,104 people developed dementia.

The results revealed that those who reported the highest levels of loneliness were more likely to develop dementia.

Dr Sutin explained that loneliness is different from social isolation:

“It’s a feeling that you do not fit in or do not belong with the people around you.

You can have somebody who lives alone, who doesn’t have very much contact with people, but has enough—and that fills their internal need for socializing.

So even though objectively you might think that person is socially isolated, they don’t feel lonely.

The flip side is that you can be around a lot of people and be socially engaged and interactive and still feel like you don’t belong.

From the outside it looks like you have great social engagement, but the subjective feeling is that you’re not part of the group.”

Loneliness may be linked to dementia through a number of paths:

  • Meaningful social contact may help to keep the brain engaged and healthy.
  • Lonely people may experience more inflammation in their bodies.
  • Loneliness may lead to unhealthy behaviours like drinking.

Escaping loneliness is not easy, but it is at least amenable to change, Dr Sutin said:

“Loneliness is a modifiable risk factor.

Most people might describe periods where they felt lonely and then periods where they didn’t feel lonely.

So just because you feel lonely now, you don’t always have to feel this way.”

The study was published in the Journal of Gerontology: Psychological Sciences (Sutin et al., 2018).

Author: Jeremy Dean

Psychologist, Jeremy Dean, PhD is the founder and author of PsyBlog. He holds a doctorate in psychology from University College London and two other advanced degrees in psychology. He has been writing about scientific research on PsyBlog since 2004. He is also the author of the book “Making Habits, Breaking Habits” (Da Capo, 2013) and several ebooks. View all posts by Jeremy Dean

Keep reading here

Forget Scandinavia: The Real Key to Happiness Lies Elsewhere (M)

The happiest countries in the world may not be what you have been told.

The happiest countries in the world may not be what you have been told.

Keep reading with a membership

• Adverts removed
• Cancel at any time
• 14 day money-back guarantee

Author: Jeremy Dean

Psychologist, Jeremy Dean, PhD is the founder and author of PsyBlog. He holds a doctorate in psychology from University College London and two other advanced degrees in psychology. He has been writing about scientific research on PsyBlog since 2004. He is also the author of the book “Making Habits, Breaking Habits” (Da Capo, 2013) and several ebooks. View all posts by Jeremy Dean



Keep reading here

4 Secrets of Trust Building

4 Secrets of Trust Building

Distrust interprets action as manipulation. When people don’t trust you, the things you do for them feel insincere. Skeptics believe compliments obscure self-serving ends and gifts mask selfish motives.

Trust reflects how others feel about your intentions.

Nothing you do to strengthen relationships matters until people believe you care.

4 Secrets of trust building

#1. Show care.

Trustworthy leaders commit to serve the best interest of others. Trust reflects how people feel about your intentions.

The questions are, “What motivates you?” Or “How are you at cheering when others make progress?”

Tip: Express your intentions with words. Never assume they are obvious.

Trustworthy leaders: Earn trust, earn trust, earn trust. Then you can worry about the rest. Image of a high-five.

#2. Demonstrate competence.

I don’t trust my dentist to fix my car. He’s a great guy and a wonderful dentist, but he’s unqualified to repair my broken muffler.

The question is, “Can you deliver results reliably?”

Tip: Deliver on your promises.

#3. Practice humility.

Humility expresses willingness to learn and grow.

Defensive people inspire apprehension and anxiety. Humble leaders admit they are wrong and commit to improve.

The question is, “How are your listening skills?”

Tip: Let people know what you are learning.

#4. Exemplify transparency and vulnerability.

You give permission for people to be themselves when you exhibit frailty (along with improvement). Inauthentic leaders are surrounded by posers. People don’t speak the truth until they see your protective barriers go down.

The question is, “How are you at receiving help?”

Tip: Speak openly about challenges.

A note on receiving help: When competent reliable people offer to take on new responsibilities, don’t simply let them, encourage them (especially when it takes something off your plate). But don’t delegate the core responsibilities of your job.

Which of these ideas seems most challenging for leaders?

There’s more to this than the above four items. What would you add to the list?

Still curious:

The Top 5 Tips for Building Trust and Multiplying Impact

How to B.U.I.L.D. T.R.U.S.T.

Everything Starts Here (hbr.org)

Like this:

Like Loading…



Continue reading

How To Market Online Courses And Get Customers Now

How To Market Online Courses: 20 Ways To Earn Sales Now triggerPosition) { // Show or modify the styles of your sticky bar welcomeBar[0].style.display = ‘block’; } else { // Hide or revert the styles of your sticky bar welcomeBar[0].style.display = ‘none’; } }); ]]> How To Market Online Courses And Get Customers Now ]]> {{{ ( data.maybeFilterHTML() === ‘true’ ) ? _.escape( data.label ) : data.label }}} ]]>

Continue reading here

Weight Loss: Over 1,000 Psychologists Agree On Most Common Barrier

Over one thousand psychologists agree on the biggest barrier to weight loss.

Over one thousand psychologists agree on the biggest barrier to weight loss.

The greatest barrier to weight loss is emotional eating, a survey of psychologists finds.

Losing weight is about addressing the issues behind emotional eating.

So said almost every psychologist polled about successful weight loss.

Emotional eating refers to the way in which the emotions can trigger eating.

One example might be responding to feeling bored by eating a bag of chips.

Another might be reacting to feeling sad by eating ice cream.

Emotional eating often begins in childhood when treats are given as rewards for good behaviour.

Psychologists help people break the cycle of emotional eating by identifying situations and feelings that trigger it.

Changing the habit is about spotting the triggers and then changing the response.

Strategies psychologists recommend to help with this process include mindfulness, cognitive therapy and problem-solving.

Professor Norman B. Anderson, an expert on mind/body health, said:

“Anyone who has ever tried to lose a few pounds and keep them off knows that doing so isn’t easy.

The good news is that research and clinical experience have shown that, in addition to behavioral approaches, cognitive behavioral therapy that targets emotional barriers helps people lose weight.”

The survey included 1,328 licensed psychologists who were asked how they helped their clients lose weight.

The need to target emotional issues was highlighted by 92 percent of respondents.

Professor Anderson said:

“Although it is generally accepted that weight problems are most often caused by a combination of biological, emotional, behavioral and environmental issues, these new results show the key role of stress and emotional regulation in losing weight.

Therefore, the best weight loss tactics should integrate strategies to address emotion and behavior as well as lifestyle approaches to exercise and making healthy eating choices.”

The study was conducted by the Consumer Reports National Research Center for the American Psychological Association.

Author: Jeremy Dean

Psychologist, Jeremy Dean, PhD is the founder and author of PsyBlog. He holds a doctorate in psychology from University College London and two other advanced degrees in psychology. He has been writing about scientific research on PsyBlog since 2004. He is also the author of the book “Making Habits, Breaking Habits” (Da Capo, 2013) and several ebooks. View all posts by Jeremy Dean

Keep reading here

4 Myths about Coaching You Must Reject

4 Myths about Coaching You Must Reject

Coaching provides people centered approaches to development and results.

“Coaching is the universal language of change and learning.” Julie Winkle Giulioni

Coaching is the universal language of change and learning. Image of a person playing scabble.

4 myths about coaching:

Myth #1: Coaching isn’t leading

Coaching is a tool and a way of being. Leadership is a way of being.

Coaches focus on people. Asking questions feels awkward at first, but it’s empowering and freeing when mastered.

Tip: Learn to ask forward-facing questions that clarify action. Use “what” or “how” when clarifying action. Use “why” when exploring purpose.

Myth #2: Coaching is slow

In the short-term command and control is fast. Eventually, authoritarian styles stifle initiative, create bottlenecks, add stress, cause adversarial relationships, and demotivate.

Coaching requires up-front investment that produces long-term benefit. Coaching-leaders go slow to go fast.

Tip: Ask yourself, “Is development fast enough to get us where we need to be in a timely manner?” Don’t over-invest in people who don’t fit.

Myth #3: Coaching is soft

Coaching-leaders expect people to own their own development.

Questions that energize:

  1. What does success look like in terms of behaviors, not simply results?
  2. What are you great at and how can you do more of that?
  3. How can you move the ball down the field today? We don’t need a touch-down, just a first down.
  4. What’s holding you back?
  5. What are you learning about doing well? About yourself? About team members?
  6. What’s working?
  7. What’s not working and what new approaches might you try?

Myth #4: Coaching is easy

The rigors of coaching include:

  1. Creating space where people take ownership of themselves.
  2. Resistance from ingrained expectations.
  3. Developing coaching skills.
  4. Solving with instead of solving-for.

Coaches trust talent to pull organizations forward.

Not all the time:

Coaching doesn’t work when:

  1. The house is on fire.
  2. Talent needs training.
  3. External factors impede success.
  4. Employees are know-it-alls.

What suggestions do you have for leaders who aspire to coach their team members?

The four myths are adapted from, “Coaching for Engagement,” by Bob Hancox (My coach).

Still curious:

4 Questions that Guide Your Most Important Conversation

3 Insightful Questions You Can Ask Today

Like this:

Like Loading…



Continue reading

How Parents ‘Pass On’ Empathic Ability To Their Children & Grandchildren (M)

Learn the science-backed methods for nurturing empathy in your children.

Learn the science-backed methods for nurturing empathy in your children.

Keep reading with a membership

• Adverts removed
• Cancel at any time
• 14 day money-back guarantee

Author: Jeremy Dean

Psychologist, Jeremy Dean, PhD is the founder and author of PsyBlog. He holds a doctorate in psychology from University College London and two other advanced degrees in psychology. He has been writing about scientific research on PsyBlog since 2004. He is also the author of the book “Making Habits, Breaking Habits” (Da Capo, 2013) and several ebooks. View all posts by Jeremy Dean



Keep reading here

The Goldilocks Paradox – Leadership Freak

The Goldilocks Paradox

Robert Southey wrote the short story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears in 1837. A little girl happens upon the house of three bears where she finds three bowls of porridge, three chairs, and three beds.

Goldilocks samples the porridge and finds pappa bear’s is too hot, momma bear’s is too cold, and baby bear’s is just right. She eats it. She finds three chairs. One is too hard. One is too soft. Baby bear’s is just right. Upstairs she sees three beds. The big bed is too hard. The medium-sized bed is too soft. Baby’s bed is just right.

Goldilocks falls asleep. The bears come home. Goldilocks wakes up and runs away. I’ve been afraid of bears ever since.

The story illustrates the dance between too much and too little constantly.

The Goldilocks Paradox - Extremes reveal norms. Image of two puppies playing tug-of-war.

The Goldilocks Paradox:

Extremes reveal norms.

The path forward rises between extremes.

Challenge and support:

Tension between challenge and support illustrates the dance. Too much challenge causes frustration and discouragement. Too little challenge leads to boredom. Extreme leadership results in two things, poor performance and strained relationships.

4 questions to dance with extremes:

  1. What level of challenge brings out your best?
  2. How challenged do you feel right now?
  3. What’s causing you to say your challenge level is X?
  4. What could you/we do to move toward the right level of challenge for you today?

Help:

Too much help leads to helplessness. Too little help causes disengagement. The amount of help you provide speaks to your nature. Some lean toward overhelping. Others naturally push people too hard.

Before helping ask, “What have you tried?” Don’t do someone’s job for them. The best way to help novices is with assurances. Let them know they’re on the right path.

Monitor energy to dance the Goldilocks Paradox effectively.

How are you dancing the Goldilocks Paradox?

What suggestions do you have for succeeding with the Goldilocks Paradox?

Author’s note: Paul Thornton’s comment on the May 10th post motivated me to explore this topic. Thanks Paul.

Goldilocks and the Three Bears

Like this:

Like Loading…



Continue reading