10 Practical Ways to Create Mutually Beneficial Relationships

10 Practical Ways to Create Mutually Beneficial Relationships

Winning doesn’t have to be at someone’s expense. Instead of focusing on what you want, focus on how much you can accomplish together.

You may be thinking, “If I don’t advocate for myself, who will?” The answer is simple. Rather than focusing solely on your needs, identify opportunities where you can mutually benefit. In other words, think win-win rather than winner-take-all.

Win-win is cooperative, not competitive.

10 practical ways to create mutually beneficial relationships

#1. Change your outlook.

Shift your mindset from me to we — selfish to selfless.

#2. Listen before you speak.

Don’t assume you know what people want. Make it your business to find out.

#3. Pinpoint areas of mutual interest.

Identify common goals and areas of synergy.

#4. Select opportunities where everyone benefits.

Opportunities don’t have to be large. Small wins help to build momentum while you pursue long-term goals.

#5. Focus on the journey as well as the destination.

Fight the tendency to focus solely on results.

First, get to know each other and build trusting relationships — transparency, honesty, and respect are key.

#6. Secure buy-in.

Never force your preferences on others. Work together to create commitment.

#7. Abide by the “shoe-on-the-other-foot” rule.

Put yourself in each other’s shoes to ensure that you’re being fair and equitable. Ask yourself whether you’d be happy to trade places with them.  

#8. Make sure everyone benefits.

If the benefits of a relationship become too lopsided, consider adjustments or changing course.

#9. Don’t keep score.

There will be periods when benefits are not equal, but over the long term, things work out. Will it come out evenly? Probably not. But this isn’t a competition.

#10. Think long term.

Never win at the expense of the relationship.

This post is adapted from The Path to a Meaningful Life by Frank Sonnenberg.

Still curious: 7 Ways to Master the Most Important Leadership Skill

Frank Sonnenberg is an award-winning author and a well-known advocate for moral character, personal values, and personal responsibility. He has written nine books and has been named one of “America’s Top 100 Thought Leaders.”

Additionally, his blog — FrankSonnenbergOnline — has attracted millions of readers and was recently named one of the “Top Self-Improvement and Personal Development Blogs” in the world.

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10 Ways to Manage Entitled People in the Real World

10 Ways to Manage Entitled People in the Real World

The entitlement monster always wants more.

When you feel you deserve it, you are ungrateful when you get it.

You don’t have the right to succeed. You earn it.

Entitled people don't see their own jerkholery. 3D cartoon of a blind person.Entitled people don't see their own jerkholery. 3D cartoon of a blind person.

Entitled people:

  1. Prefer defensiveness over discussion.
  2. Use the ‘little people’ to feel superior.
  3. Want advantage without earning it. They don’t wait in line. The world owes them.
  4. Don’t compromise. Entitlement grabs its toys and runs home when it doesn’t get its way.
  5. Can’t see their weaknesses and frailties.
  6. Choose blame over responsibility.
  7. Feel underappreciated. Entitled people always need compliments and affirmations.
  8. Judge themselves as more talented than others.
  9. Take short-cuts to get ahead.
  10. Think ‘what’s best for me’, not ‘what’s best for us’.
  11. Choose arguing rather than admit they’re wrong.
  12. Act like victims when they don’t get what they want.

Do you catch glimpses of yourself in the above list? There’s a little entitlement in all of us.

Entitled people don’t see their own jerkholery.

You don't deserve it. You get to earn it. Cartoon of construction worker.You don't deserve it. You get to earn it. Cartoon of construction worker.

10 real world ways to manage entitled people:

#1. Highlight earning it.

You don’t deserve it. You get to earn it.

#2. Praise hard work more than talent.

“You worked hard to bring this project home,” is better than, “You’re so talented.”

#3. Provide corrective feedback.

Don’t inflate positive feedback. Give clear corrective feedback when appropriate.

#4. Set clear expectations.

Avoid opportunities for people to overestimate their performance.

#5. Establish a rhythm for accountability.

Track performance, but remember no one enjoys micro-management.  

#6. Treat people equally.

#7. Provide opportunities for team members to praise their peers.

#8. Encourage people to focus on things within their control.

Entitled people think, Entitled people think,

#9. Ask people what they are thankful for.

Entitled people feel ungrateful when they finally get what they feel they deserve.

The enemy of entitlement is gratitude.

#10. Practice perspective-taking.

Recognize the viewpoint of others. Seek input from diverse people and groups.

What signs of entitlement do you see in your organization?

What suggestions do you have for managing entitled people?

Still curious?

Origins of narcissism in children

9 questions to test your entitlement

3 Ways To Manage Entitled Employees

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7 Questions to Ask Yourself That Will Change Your Life when the Seasons Change

7 Questions to Ask Yourself That Will Change Your Life when the Seasons Change

Variety is one reason I enjoy Pennsylvania. We have four seasons.

Transitioning from one season to the next is opportunity to ask questions that change life.

Questions are beginning. Image of a cat looking at a glowing butterfly.Questions are beginning. Image of a cat looking at a glowing butterfly.

Questions to ask yourself that will change your life:

#1. How much does real life reflect preferred life?

Describe your life with brutal honesty.

If things are the same in the next season, how satisfied will you be?

#2. What choices/behaviors created your current life?

You navigated to this point. Own it.

Nothing good comes from blaming others or circumstances for a dissatisfying life.

#3. Where would I like to be three months from now?

Year-long goals help set direction, but don’t provide daily vitality.

Design behaviors based on 30-day goals.

#4. What behaviors will contribute to progress?

It’s easy to set goals. It even feels like you got something done, but the important work lies ahead.

Distill decisions into behaviors.

Goals are fantasies until they distill into daily behaviors.

The urgency illusion controls you until you embrace behaviors that reflect goals. The busier you feel, the more likely you are to neglect important work.

#5. What new behaviors will hasten progress?

Try something new when the seasons change. The present reflects the past when you don’t change today.

Reject behaviors that don’t move you forward.

Embrace past behaviors that improved trajectory.

#6. How could you use time to create your preferred life?

3 questions about time:

  1. What’s on your calendar that shouldn’t be?
  2. What ‘good things’ are keeping you from ‘great things’?
  3. What are you doing that someone else could/should do?

#7. Who might help you move forward?

The people you spend time with impact the trajectory of your life.

Questions are beginnings.

Ask, reflect, adapt, and explore.

Imagine this season is over and you’re proud of your progress. What did you do to get there?

Still curious:

Questions Proactive People Ask

Self-Reflection Questions for Introspection

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Complainers: 5 Ways to Limit the Garbage People Pour into Your Ears

Complainers: 5 Ways to Limit the Garbage People Pour into Your Ears

How much time do you spend listening to complainers? Too much.

Cy Wakeman’s research with one company showed employees spent almost 2.5 hours a day dealing with drama. Drama most often came from b*thching, moaning, and whining (BMW).

Complainers feel powerful pouring garbage in your ears. Image of garbage.Complainers feel powerful pouring garbage in your ears. Image of garbage.

Garbage in your ears:

Complainers feel powerful pouring garbage in your ears. You mistakenly think you’re helping when you listen to complainers.

Powerless complainers expect people with power to fix their problems. When you fix someone’s problems for them, you teach them to run to you the next time they need something fixed.

You encourage weakness when you solve people’s problems – when they could solve their own.

Venting:

Venting doesn’t work. Venting intensifies negative emotion.

Repeated complaining multiplies pain.

Don't give megaphones to complainers. Image of a sky full of megaphones.Don't give megaphones to complainers. Image of a sky full of megaphones.

5 ways to respond to complainers:

#1. Coach more. Fix less.

#2. Watch your pronouns.

Use ‘we’ when you plan to get involved. Use ‘you’ when you expect them to solve their own problems.

#3. Keep the ball in their hands.

Ask, “What have you tried to solve this?” If they haven’t tried anything, it’s good for them to acknowledge it.

If they tried to solve a situation and failed, say, “Let’s develop some other solutions.”

#4. Say, “How can I help,” skillfully.

Let people know you aren’t going to do their job for them. However, you can point them in a useful direction.

#5. Invite self-reflection.

“What does this situation teach you about yourself?”

End well:

At the end of a session that began with complaining say, “Let’s set up a meeting next week so you can let me know what you did and how it’s working.”

Tip: You have power to solve some problems for complainers. Go for it but take note of people who keep returning.

How can leaders limit the amount of garbage people pour in their ears?

Still curious: 7 Truths about Chronic Complainers Every Leader Needs Today.

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Finding Purpose: 5 Practical Suggestions You Can Do Today

Finding Purpose: 5 Practical Suggestions You Can Do Today

Work doesn’t give you purpose. You give meaning to work.

“The purpose of life is not to be happy, but to matter…” Leo Rostein

Contribution makes you matter. Seek to contribute.

The affirmation of your contribution by others enhances fulfillment.

Finding purpose includes understanding your response to pain and suffering. Image of a Jack Russell in a round frame.Finding purpose includes understanding your response to pain and suffering. Image of a Jack Russell in a round frame.

Purpose…

  1. Energizes action.
  2. Ignites emotion, sometimes painful.
  3. Makes life challenging. Life doesn’t get easier when you know why you’re here.
  4. Gives direction.
  5. Informs and evaluates decisions.
  6. Brings value to you and others.
  7. Explains intention. An intention provides a reason to act.
  8. Enables endurance.
  9. Creates dissatisfaction.
  10. Makes life feel like you’re always beginning. You never fully fulfil your aim in life.

5 Suggestions for finding purpose:

#1. Reflect on painful experiences.

Finding purpose includes understanding your response to pain and suffering. What pain are you solving?

How are you turning hurts into healing?

#2. Consider reasons behind recurring frustration.

Frustrations reveal something you want but don’t have. Finding purpose is understanding what you deeply want.

What pain or injustice or unhappiness have you witnessed that you just can’t live with?

List your dissatisfactions with others, yourself, and the world. What themes do you see?

#3. Explore your formative people.

Who are you emulating?

#4. Notice motivation.

What are you willing to do for free? What value does that bring to you? Others?

#5. Discover the value you naturally bring to others.

What do you do without trying? All my life people have told me I make them think. I don’t try to make them think. I just do.

What are you doing that feels like effortless effort?

What do people often say about you?

Contribution is about who you are before it’s about what you do.

What might people do to find or clarify their purpose?

Still curious: Who Do You Want to be When You Grow Old

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An Actionable Solution to the Mistakes Leaders Make

An Actionable Solution to the Mistakes Leaders Make

There are many paths to success, but the options for screwing up are limitless. You screw up by leaving things undone, or you do the right thing in the wrong way.

It’s usually easier to spot mistakes of action than mistakes of neglect.

The mistakes leaders make are deadly because they harm others.

You’ve probably made all the mistakes listed below.

The mistakes leaders make are deadly because they harm others. Image of a cat with its paw covering its eyes.The mistakes leaders make are deadly because they harm others. Image of a cat with its paw covering its eyes.

Reasons for the mistakes leaders make:

You do the wrong thing for two reasons, ease or ignorance. Sometimes the wrong thing is easier than the right thing. Other times you’re just ignorant.

Mistakes of ease are caused by lack of courage or short-term wins.

Sincere ignorance doesn’t do the right thing because it’s busy doing other things.

Mistakes of ease sacrifice the future on the altar of the immediate. Image of an embarrassed cat.Mistakes of ease sacrifice the future on the altar of the immediate. Image of an embarrassed cat.

7 mistakes of ease:

  1. Not giving feedback.
  2. Not seeking feedback.
  3. Postponing tough conversations.
  4. Ignoring problems.
  5. Allowing fuzzy accountability.
  6. Not defining the win.
  7. Not setting priorities.

Mistakes of ease sacrifice the future on the altar of the immediate.

7 mistakes of ignorance:

  1. Confusing busy with getting things done.
  2. Working hard on the wrong things. Doing someone’s work for them, for example.
  3. Hanging on too long. Mistakes of endurance wear you down.
  4. Trying harder. Pedaling faster when you’re going the wrong way doesn’t help.
  5. Going it alone. Isolation intensifies ignorance.
  6. Waiting for the perfect decision instead of moving the ball forward.
  7. Allowing double standards. You notice the mistakes of others and make exemption for your own.

The worst mistakes leaders make are a combination of ease and ignorance.

Lack of self-reflection prolongs mistake-making. Image of an opened journal.Lack of self-reflection prolongs mistake-making. Image of an opened journal.

Solving the mistakes leaders make:

Lack of self-reflection prolongs mistake-making.

Invest 15 minutes a day asking yourself questions.

  1. What’s working?
  2. What’s not working?
  3. What are my frustrations?
  4. What am I learning?
  5. What could I try that I haven’t tried yet?
  6. What’s giving me energy?
  7. What’s draining my energy?

Self-reflection protects you from repeating the same mistakes.

What are some mistakes in leadership/management you have made?

Still curious:

Self-Reflection: The Secret to 23% Improvement in 10 Days

The Self-Reflection Sandwich

Where Leadership Starts – The Surprising Practice You Can Begin Today

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4 Ways to Lead with Courage Today

4 Ways to Lead with Courage Today

Skills are a car without gas. Courage to act is gas.

Imagine you learn how to make the best possible decisions. Apart from courage you’re still stuck.

Winston Churchill said, “Courage is rightly esteemed the first of human qualities, because, as has been said, it is the quality which guarantees all others.”

Image source

4 ways to lead with courage:

#1. Stand up for something that matters.

“Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the assessment that something else is more important than fear.” Franklin D. Roosevelt

It takes courage to:

  1. Stand up for people on your team.
  2. Build a future different from today.
  3. Challenge yourself to contribute to others.
  4. Let yourself be seen.
  5. Declare what makes you afraid.

12 Courageous Acts of Leadership with insights from Simone Sinek and Malcome Gladwell.

Image source

#2. Know why you’re here.

Purpose is fuel for courage. Give yourself to something that matters.

You find yourself when you give yourself.

Sometimes you give yourself and come up empty, but when you give yourself to something that matters, you feel fulfilled.

You don’t find yourself in isolation. You find yourself in contribution.

  1. Artists give themselves to art.
  2. Parents give themselves to their children.
  3. Leaders give themselves to a future ideal. It might be a vision, the team, a challenging goal.

#3. Engage, don’t withdraw.

Fear wins when you withdraw. Courage gets dirty.

Quiet reflection serves you, but isolation is detrimental for your health, mind, relationships, and contribution.

Meaningful leadership and isolation are mutually exclusive.

#4. Know what you want today.

Purpose is lived in small moments every day, not giant leaps.

Know purpose before you:

  1. Have tough conversations.
  2. Make change.
  3. Reject the present.
  4. Lead.

Courage is where leadership begins and ends.

How do people become courageous leaders?

Still curious:

Courage to Become a Leader

How to Find the Courage to Lead

7 Ways to Feel More Courageous

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4 Ways to Quickly Change the Future

4 Ways to Quickly Change the Future

The terrible thing about the future is its predictability.

Yesterday returns until you change the future today.

Lousy relationships will be disappointing tomorrow unless you treat people differently today.

Boring meetings will drag on if you lead meetings like you did yesterday.

Yesterday returns until you change the future today. Image of a long line of sheep.Yesterday returns until you change the future today. Image of a long line of sheep.

4 ways to quickly change the future:

#1. Reject consistency.

Consistency is the enemy of change unless you consistently change things.

Repetition congeals the past.

Stopping is a beginning.

Stop:

  1. Having the same conversations over and over.
  2. Doing the same things and expecting different results.
  3. Thinking the same way about situations that aren’t changing.
  4. Asking the same questions.

Stopping is a beginning. Image of a stop sign.Stopping is a beginning. Image of a stop sign.

#2. Act differently.

Someone said, “The future belongs to those who believe in their dreams.”

Dreaming is a source of frustration for those who refuse to change.

“If you always do what you’ve always done, you always get what you’ve always gotten.” Uncertain attribution

The future is created now.

Dreaming is a source of frustration for those who refuse to change. Image of a person laying in a field. Dreaming is a source of frustration for those who refuse to change. Image of a person laying in a field.

#3. Welcome new people into your life.

  1. Invite people from other departments to attend your meetings.
  2. Listen to children’s books.
  3. Ask the clerk at the store for the secret to success.
  4. Take a casual introduction to the next level. Have coffee, for example.

#4. Try one new thing today.

Tomorrow will be the same as today unless you do something differently today.

Exercise:

Create two columns on a sheet of paper. Make a list of everything you would love to change about your organization or team in the left column. In the right column list everything a new leader might do to produce those change.

Choose one small thing you can do today to change the future. Don’t ask permission. Don’t violate established policies. Don’t step into someone’s turf.

“The future cannot be predicted, but futures can be invented.” Nobel Prize winner Dennis Gabor.

How can you change the future today?

Still curious:

10 Ways to Change the Future Today

Future-Back: How Leaders Create the Future Today

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5 Secrets to Working Relationships

5 Secrets to Working Relationships

I love the feeling of being seen and recognized when I show up at any place of business.

We frequent the local Rita’s Italian Ice which is run by a couple from India. Her English is passable. He smiles and nods a lot. But they both give us a look of recognition when we walk up to the window. It feels like they’re glad to see us.

They remember that we like long-handled spoons. Short-handled plastic spoons are monstrosities.

I like people who like me.

Build working relationships by liking people.

Strong working relationships begin with noticing people. Image of eyes looking out through OK signs made with finders.Strong working relationships begin with noticing people. Image of eyes looking out through OK signs made with finders.

5 secrets to working relationships:

#1. Notice others:

Strong working relationships begin with noticing people.

I ask the owners of Rita’s about business and personal things. For example, I ask them what they do when the store closes for the winter. By the way, she works at Walmart.

#2. Notice things that matter to others:

I notice the weather. When it’s warm and sunny, I say, “Business is going to be good today!”

Compliment good work. We recently had landscaping done. I walked around complimenting good work.

Compliment good work, even when you’re paying for it.

I like people who like me. Image of two monkeys that like each other.I like people who like me. Image of two monkeys that like each other.

#3. Be playful:

At Rita’s I compliment the owner’s summer shorts and give him a thumbs up.

#4. Be glad to see others.

When you’re glad to see others, it’s easier for them to feel happy to see you.

I often begin coaching calls by saying, “I’ve been looking forward to our conversation.” Or “It’s good to see you.”

Be genuine. Before coaching calls, I think about things I respect about the person I’m speaking with.

#5. Give what you enjoy receiving.

I enjoy feeling special.

What you give to others often returns to you. When you make people feel special, they are more likely to treat you special.

How do leaders build strong working relationships?

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