Category: Leadership

5 Steps to Making Habits that Create Your Future

5 Steps to Making Habits that Create Your Future

Making habits is easier than breaking habits.

“You are what you repeatedly do.”*

The things you repeatedly do create your future. Tell me the things you do every day and I’ll tell you what your life will be like next year.

The quality of your leadership distills into making habits that create your future.

The quality of your leadership distills into making habits that create your future. Image of a pot still.The quality of your leadership distills into making habits that create your future. Image of a pot still.

5 steps to making habits:

#1. Notice habits.

Notice the things you repeatedly do. Making habits includes noticing current habits.

Project:

Ask people you admire about the habits that helped them succeed.

#2. Tap your imagination.

Imagination is key to making habits.

Imagine who you aspire to become. What repeated behaviors take you there?

Imagine the team you would love to lead. What repeated behaviors build your desired team?

Imagine the life you aspire to enjoy. What repeated behaviors build your preferred life?

Project:

Spend two weeks writing an imagination journal. Set aside 5 or 10 minutes every day to let your imagination roam. Look for patterns when you’re done.

What do you really want?

#3. Begin small, very small.

Create the flywheel effect with a series of tiny wins.

Design an intervention and lower it by 90% to begin.

Don’t commit to working out for an hour everyday if you haven’t worked out for a year. Commit to showing up at the gym at 7 a.m. on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Don’t even commit to working out. Just show up.

Create the flywheel effect with a series of tiny wins. Image of a flywheel.Create the flywheel effect with a series of tiny wins. Image of a flywheel.

#4. Practice habit stacking.

I wanted to drink more water. My new habit: Every time I go to the restroom it reminds me to drink water.

#5. Include others.

Everyone needs a ‘with’.

Find a partner. Encourage each other.

Tip: Write this phrase on a small piece of paper: I change best by feeling good, not by feeling bad. BF Fogg

What tips might you add for making habits that create the future?

Still curious:

The Self-Reflection Sandwich

How to Build Healthy Habits – The New York Times

*Will Durante summarizing Aristotle.

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5 Ways to Find Power to Transition with Grace and Confidence

5 Ways to Find Power to Transition with Grace and Confidence

Life is like a circus and leaders are trapeze artists waiting for the right moment to release the bar. You spend your days creating momentum and letting go again and again.

Leaders create transitions. You succeed when you hang in mid-air with joyful confidence.

You fall when you hang on too long or let go too soon.

The power to transition is the power to live – to let go and take hold over and over.

Failure to transition is oblivion.

Power to transition - You succeed when you hang in mid-air with joyful confidence. Image of trapeze artist hanging in mid-air.Power to transition - You succeed when you hang in mid-air with joyful confidence. Image of trapeze artist hanging in mid-air.

Power to transition:

Causes of transition:

  1. External demands.
  2. Competitive pressure.
  3. Changing rules.
  4. Internal dissatisfaction. Yearning for better.
  5. Fear.
  6. Dreams.
  7. Fatigue. Weariness is both a cause and a symptom of life in transition.
  8. Unresolved issues from the past return with greater urgency than before.
  9. Need to prove yourself.
  10. Aspiration.

Reasons you hang on too long:

You don’t let go because the discomfort you know is less painful than an uncertain future. Looking back, you often wonder why you hung on so long.

You hang on too long because you lack the power to transition. “Fatigue makes cowards of us all.” (Attributed to George S. Patton and Vince Lombardi)

The future is fuzzy so you hang on to a clear present.

Fear of failure keeps you hanging on too long.

Power to transition - The path emerges as you step forward, not before. Image of a person stepping into the light.Power to transition - The path emerges as you step forward, not before. Image of a person stepping into the light.

5 ways to find the power to transition:

#1. Embrace – don’t resist – transitions.

Shift your attitude from dread to opportunity.

#2. Seek the voice of experience.

Every transition you experience is common to humanity. Someone has navigated turbulent seas before you.

#3. Practice vulnerability.

Tell someone the truth about yourself and your situation.

#4. Do things you haven’t done.

The path emerges as you step forward, not before.

#5. Reflect on past transitions.

What have you learned about hanging in mid-air that empowers you?

Tip: Transitions are how you become.

Where do we find the power to transition with grace and confidence?

Still curious:

Bridges’ Transition Model

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What if You Smelled Like Your Attitude

What if You Smelled Like Your Attitude

When someone has a bad attitude, we say their attitude stinks. What if you literally smelled like a skunk when you had a bad attitude?

Ellysan, one of our granddaughters, couldn’t pronounce skunk. When we had one in the back yard she called it a “stunk.” I like her name better than the real one.

What if someone moaned, “What stinks,” when you show up at work today?

What if you smelled like a skunk when you had a bad attitude? Image of a skunk.What if you smelled like a skunk when you had a bad attitude? Image of a skunk.

ABC’s of attitude.

Affective: Statements about feelings. “I don’t like my boss.”

Behavior intentions: Statements about intentions. “I’m looking for a new job.”

Cognition: Statements about beliefs. “My boss is incompetent.”

You have an attitude about authority, foreigners, teammates, starting meetings on time, failure, and laziness based on upbringing and experiences.

You have an attitude about life.

Attitudes are learned dispositions.

Nothing pleases a person with a bad attitude. Image of a girl pouting.Nothing pleases a person with a bad attitude. Image of a girl pouting.

Attitudes control actions.

One person crosses their arms and frowns, the other smiles and steps forward. The difference is attitude.

Nothing pleases a person with a bad attitude.

Choose your attitude.

Resentment, negativity, pessimism, and complaining make you stink like a ‘stunk’.

Confidence, optimism, openness, interested, and curious make you fragrant like roses.

Here’s a list of 160 attitudes.

People respond to your attitude.

When you smell like garbage people pull away.

When you smell like fresh baked bread they want more.

Project:

What three words describe your attitude right now.

What three words describe the attitude you desire.

Choose your attitude.

Still curious:

Forgiveness: The Invisible Derailer that Frustrates Leaders

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4 Questions to Ask at the End of the Week for Self-Reflection

4 Questions to Ask at the End of the Week for Self-Reflection

One week flows unchanged into the next until you ask different questions. Good intentions fade. Old patterns hang on until you adopt a new approach.

If you want to change your life change your questions. Image of the earth from space with the sun rising.If you want to change your life change your questions. Image of the earth from space with the sun rising.

5 uncomfortable reflections:

  1. You burned the candle at both ends again.
  2. You hoped things would be better, but they dragged on.
  3. You wanted to break a painful pattern, but it still plagues you.
  4. You found reasons to postpone things that mattered and gave yourself to urgencies.
  5. You hid behind changing others when you should have worked on yourself.

Don’t ruminate on things you don’t like. Don’t ignore them either.

Self-awareness is necessary for growth. You see yourself before you develop yourself. This requires honest self-reflection.

Don't ruminate on things you don't like. Don't ignore them either. Image of a cartoon figure under a rain cloud.Don't ruminate on things you don't like. Don't ignore them either. Image of a cartoon figure under a rain cloud.

4 questions to ask at the end of the week for self-reflection:

#1. How did you receive help this week?

You’re probably good at giving help. How did you receive it?

  1. I let myself be seen when I …
  2. I asked _________ for advice.
  3. I sought help for an issue from ________.
  4. I said yes when _________ offered help.

The people who rise the highest receive the most help.

#2. What’s one thing you did this week that you want to stop?

Your inner critic might give you a long list of stupid things you did. If you think of many things you need to stop, record only one.

#3. What three things are you thankful you did this week?

Feel free to record more than three, but if you can’t think of three your inner critic is sucking the life out of you.

Your brain might look for big things to be thankful you did. Don’t let the need for big things be the reason you don’t express gratitude.

#4. What’s one thing you want to do next week?

Do something new. Don’t simply add fuel to established patterns.

What questions would you add to the above list?

Still curious:

Questions Proactive People Ask

87 Self-Reflection Questions for Introspection

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Why Self-Care isn’t a 4-Letter Word

Why Self-Care isn’t a 4-Letter Word

I grew up in a world where you did your work without complaining. We didn’t think about self-care. It’s an unrealistic way to live. However, confusion about self-care is destructive.

You say, “Take care of yourself.” How can you practice what you tell others?

Self-care isn’t:

  1. Self-centeredness.
  2. Self-absorption.
  3. Selfish.
  4. Justification for constant complaining.
  5. An excuse for irresponsibility.

Self-care: pouring out is pouring in. Image of pouring milk into a glass.Self-care: pouring out is pouring in. Image of pouring milk into a glass.

Self-care is:

  1. Learning how to care for others. “Love your neighbor as yourself.”
  2. Setting boundaries that demonstrate self-respect.
  3. Treating yourself with the same kindness you extend to others.
  4. Pouring in so you can pour out. You’re a black hole if you only pour in.
  5. Savoring small enjoyments. Self-centered people complain more and enjoy less.
  6. Practicing empathy.
  7. Learning new skills.
  8. Finding, accepting, and enjoying wisdom from others.
  9. Receiving help.
  10. Accepting personal limitations. Humility is essential to self-care.
  11. Building a sustainable future.
  12. Learning how to bring your best self to work every day.

Take care of yourself so you don’t have to constantly worry about yourself.

When you take care of yourself, you don’t disappoint others.

The purpose of self-care is reigniting your ability to care for others.

the purpose of self-care is reigniting your ability to care for others. Image of a sparkler.the purpose of self-care is reigniting your ability to care for others. Image of a sparkler.

5 Self-care tips:

#1. Pouring out is pouring in. Small acts of kindness lift your own soul.

Healthy generosity is taking care of yourself. Exploiting others is destructive.

If you want to care for yourself, care for others.

#2. Set-boundaries that enable generosity. The inability to set boundaries is the end of compassion. When you can’t say no then saying yes is a burden.

#3. Notice personal energy. Do things that fill your cup.

#4. Doing hard things is a surprising source of energy if you don’t nit-pick yourself to death.

#5. Practice gratitude aggressively.

How are you practicing self-care?

A Surprising Thing You Can Do for Yourself

5 Self-Care Practices for Every Area of Your Life

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How the Example of Billionaires Leads People Astray

How the Example of Billionaires Leads People Astray

Smart people fail when they wrongly follow the example of billionaires. Take Oprah Winfrey for example.

The example of billionaires might lead you astray. Image of a dog pulling back.The example of billionaires might lead you astray. Image of a dog pulling back.

The example of billionaires:

Oprah Winfrey:

Oprah didn’t find broadcasting. It found her.

Opra’s first exposure to radio happened after she won the Miss Fire Prevention Contest in Tennessee. See her audition on YouTube.

She showed up at WVOL in Nashville, Tennessee to gather her prize. The local DJ saw her fascination with the equipment and asked,

“Have you ever heard your voice on tape?”

“Think you could read this?” he asked.

“He tore some wire copy, adjusted the mic, and rolled tape as I began to speak. I hadn’t finished three sentences before he called for another guy, then another, to ‘come listen to this kid read.’”

Oprah left WVOL with her first job in broadcasting. She was a senior in high school.

Your perfect opportunity will likely find you while you're doing something else. Image of a child looking away.Your perfect opportunity will likely find you while you're doing something else. Image of a child looking away.

Wrong conclusion:

Oprah Winfrey didn’t seek her first job in broadcasting. It found her. It was probably inevitable. She attended Tennessee State University on a full scholarship after winning a public speaking competition.

The example of billionaires might lead you astray.

The example of billionaires in tech:

Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, Michael Dell, Jack Dorsey, Larry Ellison, and Steve Jobs are/were billionaires. More remarkably, they all dropped out of college.

There are 2,668 billionaires in the world. (Forbes)

Don’t drop out of college because a few billionaires did. Millions of students drop out of college, only a handful become billionaires.

In 2017 Forbes reported that 84% of the 400 richest people in the world have college degrees. Compare that to 37.9% age 25 and older who have college degrees in the U.S. (Pew)

Happy accidents:

People often say, “I didn’t set out to become a ….”

Your perfect opportunity will likely find you while you’re doing something else.

Still curious:

3 Ways Tom Brady Is Extraordinary and You Can Be Too

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5 Simple Intentions to Lift Your Leadership in 5 Days

5 Simple Intentions to Lift Your Leadership in 5 Days

“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.” Dan Millman

Intentions create focus.

Focus defines success.

You go where you look.

Intentions create focus. Focus defines success. Image of a dart flying at a dartboard. Intentions create focus. Focus defines success. Image of a dart flying at a dartboard.

5 intentions to lift your leadership:

#1. Grow your leadership on Monday.

What’s one thing you can do to improve your leadership today? Think of something you aren’t currently doing.

  1. Shift the way you begin 1:1s.
  2. Bring up difficult topics with curiosity.
  3. Fuel positive trajectory in meetings you lead.

#2. Ask two open-ended questions before making one statement today on Tuesday.

Open-ended questions begin with what, how, or why.

Avoid questions that begin with, “Don’t you …,” “Do you …,” or, Isn’t it….”

Yes or no questions don’t challenge thought.

Yes or no questions create brief encounters and weak connections.

3 curious questions anyone can ask anytime:

  1. What should I be asking?
  2. What’s important to you about this?
  3. What am I missing?

Focus on what you want, not what you don't want. Image of a cat licking its lips.Focus on what you want, not what you don't want. Image of a cat licking its lips.

#3. Notice people’s energy on Wednesday:

When people light up, ask, “You just lit up, what’s happening for you?”

When energy fades, ask, “I just noticed your shoulders dropping, what’s bringing you down?”

#4. End meetings 10 minutes early today on Thursday:

  1. Announce your intention to end meetings 10 minutes early.
  2. Begin ending the meeting 20 minutes early.

#5. Express gratitude at the end of every meaningful conversation on Friday.

Be thankful for things people have done. Thank people for things they have done.

Be thankful to people for character traits and behaviors. “I’m delighted you’re on our team. I can always count on you.” “You’re really good at….”

3 Tips:

  1. Choose intentions before you show up for work.
  2. Use different intentions for each day of the week.
  3. Cycle back through your 5 intentions for 6 or 8 weeks.

What intentions would lift your leadership?

Still curious:

Did You Know that Good Intentions can Defeat You

4 Steps to Clarify Your Leadership Intent

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What does “Choose How You Show Up” Really Mean and Who Cares

What does “Choose How You Show Up” Really Mean and Who Cares

The average leader begins the day stressed. Heart attacks are more likely in the morning and may be connected to adrenaline.

Thinking about the next thing while you do this thing means you’ve lost yourself. You aren’t mindful. You can’t connect. Current action isn’t fulfilling.

The hardest part of getting things done is doing one thing at a time.

Choose how you show up – before you show up.

Choose how you show up before you show up. Image of a person looking across a bridge.Choose how you show up before you show up. Image of a person looking across a bridge.

Choosing how you show up is:

  1. Influencing environments.
  2. Active authenticity.
  3. Living with intention and direction.
  4. Controlling things within your control.
  5. Moving beyond passive response to active engagement.

You might say, “I just want to be me.” But sometimes the real you isn’t pretty.

Show up as your best self.

Show up as your aspirational self.

Show up to connect. Image of a flock of birds standing around.Show up to connect. Image of a flock of birds standing around.

When you don’t choose how you show up you:

  1. Feel like a puppet with someone’s hand rammed up your back.
  2. Go places you don’t want to go.
  3. Drift through opportunities.
  4. Consider circumstances and people enemies instead of opportunities.

How to choose how you show up:

#1. Choose at the beginning.

Rushing to get stuff done obliterates mindful leadership. Take a few minutes at the beginning of your day to center yourself.

#2. Reflect on values.

  1. What’s important to you?
  2. How will your values show up in behaviors?
  3. How will you contribute today?

You might say,”I want to show up in ways that express my passion to get stuff done.” What attitudes, emotions, and actions best serve your passion to get stuff done?

#3. Seek feedback.

You look at yourself through a distorted lens of assumptions and biases.

Feedback provides perspective.

Imagine you choose to show up to fuel energy in others. Ask two questions.

  1. What am I doing that gives you energy?
  2. How might I improve my ability to bring energy to you?

You always have opportunity if you show up to serve. Image of a dark stairway.You always have opportunity if you show up to serve. Image of a dark stairway.

What prevents leaders from choosing how they show up?

How might you choose how you show up?

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