Tag: Leadership

3 Ways to Jumpstart One-On-Ones

The lumberjack said if his life depended upon his ability to cut down a tree in five minutes he would spend three minutes sharpening his axe. QI

Don’t have one-on-ones if you don’t have time to prepare.

You can prepare in minutes.

3 ways to jumpstart developmental one-on-ones:

#1. Quiet your spirit.

Don’t say, “I’ll be right with you,” when someone shows up for a one-on-one with you. Is the person you’re talking with worth three minutes of preparation?

Your pile of tasks is always pressing. Quiet your spirit a few times every day.

Three ways to tell someone they don’t matter:

1. Let’s hurry up. I have a lot on my plate.
2. I don’t have much time, let’s get down to business.
3. I have to reschedule.

Who is likely to bring their best? Someone who feels important or someone who feels like a bother.

#2. Review your notes.

You won’t remember previous conversations.

I use OneNote for notetaking during coaching conversations. It’s searchable and I write on the screen of my Surface.

Taking notes lets people know you’re paying attention. On the downside, they wonder what you’re writing. Solve this by explaining the reason you take notes and the type of notes you take.

7 things to track during one-on-ones:

1. Personal updates. Things outside of work.
2. Wins since your last meeting.
3. Ongoing concerns, theirs and yours.
4. Personal goals. Your service to others begins with understanding their goals.
5. Action steps.
6. Follow-up items.
7. Key takeaways. Ask, “What’s your takeaway from this meeting?”

#3. Show up stupid.

Cast out your inner fixer.

Don’t accept people’s monkeys.

Ask forward-facing questions like, “What does it look like if you succeed today?” This week? This month?

What’s most important to you when you prepare for one-on-ones?

What can you add to the above list?

Still curious:

A Simple Reusable One-On-One Plan

5 Energizing Conversation Starters for One-on-Ones

How to Stop Wasting Time in One-on-Ones

How to Make Your One-on-Ones with Employees More Productive

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4 Ways Sadness Leads to Gladness

Sadness bangs on the door like uninvited relatives. You pretend you don’t hear the annoyance, but they keep a knocking. Maybe you pretend you’re happy to see them.

Reacting to something gives it control over you.

What if sadness leads to gladness?

4 ways sadness leads to gladness:

The path from sad to glad is a roundabout route. You sail east to get west.

#1. Sadness leads to gladness when you acknowledge sadness is part of life.

Deadlines are missed. Plans fall through. And sometimes you just wake up feeling blue.

There’s nothing wrong with feeling down. Sometimes you’re tired. Other times, you heard bad news. Give yourself a break. You don’t have to sing “Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah” when you lose a client. If it sucks, it sucks. And sometimes life sucks.

Tip: It’s leaderly to keep smiling. Don’t drag others into your dark space.

#2. Sadness leads to gladness when it motivates self-reflection.

Don’t ruminate. Practice structured self-reflection. Write a few lines in your journal.

1. What does sadness want me to know about myself? Others? The world?
2. I will rest by….
3. How long have I felt blue?
4. What’s one thing I can do today to build the life I hope to enjoy in the future?

#3. Sadness leads to gladness when you loosen your grip on control.

You control a few things. Don’t play dead because you can’t control everything.

Surrender is freeing.

Choose to live with an open hand instead of a clenched fist.

#4. Sadness leads to gladness when you receive support with gratitude.

Dark glasses might cause you to devalue the support you receive. Your team wants you to thrive. So does your boss. Someone in the world is ready to help you thrive.

Notice supporters.

What do you do when you wake up feeling blue?

What do you do when team members feel blue?

Related articles:

3 Ways to Confront Unrealistic Optimism

Growth after trauma (apa.org)

“The Vagrant,” teaches people how to engage in structured self-reflection. I encourage you to get your copy today. The story is compelling and the exercises at the end set readers on a life-changing journey. Click here to purchase, The Vagrant, on Amazon.

Everything changes when we change the way we think about ourselves.

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5 Ways to Practice Vulnerability for Leaders

Vulnerability and relationship-building show up at the same dance. Courageously let yourself be seen if you want rich relationships. But oversharing pushes people away.

How much is too much?

You overshare when you…

1. Tell irrelevant personal stories.
2. Share tales that reveal something harmful about another person.
3. Listeners cringe. A cringe-worthy story didn’t work.
4. Share long stories about yourself.
5. Elevate yourself. I’ve overcome so much. See how great I am.

Vulnerability for leaders:

#1. Perfection is off putting:

Perfection is a myth. Vulnerability tells people you’re human. They can relate to you. Fakery is spotted quickly and easily.

People put on masks when you always have it together. Faking is draining.

#2. Whining isn’t being vulnerable.

Don’t tell people your life sucks so they will feel sorry for you. The point of sharing personal stories is connecting, not sympathy.

Let yourself be seen.

#3. Overcoming makes you beautiful.

Go ahead and tell me you have stage fright when you’re giving an engaging presentation. Don’t use it as an excuse when you’re boring.

#4. The struggle makes you respect-worthy.

How do you feel when someone says they’re sober 71 days?

Tell people you’re learning how to delegate better. Explain that running meetings is a challenge, but you’re working on it.

#5. Personal stories strengthen connection.

Isolation is the enemy. Successful leaders connect. The purpose of vulnerability is to foster relationships.

Connection is built on personal stories. Share something about yourself today.

What does oversharing look like to you?

What are healthy guidelines for practicing vulnerability?

Still curious:

7 Powers of Vulnerability

4 Ways to Let Yourself be Seen without Oversharing

The Best Leaders Aren’t Afraid to Be Vulnerable (hbr.org)

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How to See Like a Leader

“The greatest thing a human soul ever does in this world is to see something, and tell what it saw in a plain way…” John Ruskin

You do not see like a leader until you see yourself.

How to see like a leader:

#1. Honestly explore yourself.

Explore your biases. Daniel Kahneman’s book, “Thinking, Fast and Slow,” disoriented me. Cognitive bias is a discomforting thought that I love to ignore.

When you hear something new, you feel you already knew it.

You attribute success to yourself and failure to others.

“Leaders who have been lucky are never punished for having taken too much risk. Instead, they are believed to have had the flair and foresight to anticipate success, and the sensible people who doubted them are seen in hindsight as mediocre, timid, and weak.” Daniel Kahneman

Suggestion: Practice structured self-reflection. Ask yourself a set of predetermined questions that speak to relevant issues. Don’t simply sit under a tree thinking whatever comes to mind.

#2. Repeatedly say, “I could be wrong.”

I’ll speak for myself. I’ve been right all my life. It’s shocking to think I could be wrong now. I evaluate myself through the lens of my strengths and others by their weaknesses.

Humility is the best thing that bubbles up when I could be wrong.

Humility is a way of seeing myself.

#3. Consistently expand your perspective.

Your view is the right view until you see through the eyes of another. You still could be right, but at least you’ve evaluated.

Suggestion: Ask people for their perspective. Don’t simply dismiss it. Reflect on it. Ask questions.

#4. Regularly monitor your emotions.

The world looks darker when you’re tired. People seem like problems when you’re stressed. You ignore almost everything when you’re afraid.

You see like a leader when you see things as they are. It begins with seeing yourself.

How could you see like a leader today?

What prevents people from seeing like leaders?

Still curious:

Leadership Identity – Self-Perception Determines How You Lead

How to Bridge the Unseen Gap between Perception and Intent

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Painful Experiences: 5 Ways to Gain Advantage

Find strength through painful experiences.

Ease brings weakness.

10 advantages of painful experiences:

1. Clarity that comes from seeing darkness.
2. Strength by pushing through pain.
3. Authenticity through self-discovery.
4. Empathy for others through personal struggle.
5. Perspective by embracing frailty.
6. Flexibility through learning to adapt.
7. Humility that comes from seeking help.
8. Emotional strength that results from bouncing back.
9. Presence that comes through noticing daily life.
10. Gratitude that comes from learning to savor small moments of joy.

 3 growth blockers:

Catastrophizing: people who magnify negativity and imagine worst possible consequences collapse under the weight of negative imagination.

Ruminating: people who dwell on painful thoughts, memories, and experiences. Constantly beating yourself down blocks growth.

Avoidance of discomfort: People who always choose ease over challenge grow weak.

5 ways to gain advantage through painful experiences:

#1. Eliminate catastrophizing. Notice when you are leaping to the worst possible conclusion. Noticing is freeing.

#2. Practice structured reflection. Read: Eye-opening Self-Reflection Questions for Leaders. (Our book, The Vagrant, is the story of a leader who learned to see himself differently.)

#3. Learn, don’t judge. Ask, “What can I learn from this painful experience?”

#4. Seek support before you need it. If you can reach your goal on your own, you need a higher goal. Read: 4 Ways to Seek Help Before You Need It

#5. Search for the silver lining. Ask, “How can I use this experience as a stepping stone instead of a setback?”

Bonus: Focus on things you have power over. Make a list of things you can control and carry it in your pocket.

Leadership Tip:

Hire people who have done hard things. Even better, hire people who enjoy challenge. Low headcount with tough minded people is better than high headcount with quitters.

What can you add to the list of ways to gain advantage through painful experiences?

What are some ways to show compassion for people who are in painful experiences?

Still curious:

Growth Hurts: Create Positive Discomfort

How Painful Experiences Changed the Trajectory of a Fortune 300 CEO

The utilization of adventure based programming to foster posttraumatic growth within a veteran population: A mixed methods study

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5 Unexpected Questions Before Remote Teams Meet in Person

Leaders neglect the most important questions to ask before remote teams meet in person. The questions leaders remember:

1. What’s the purpose of the meeting? Too many purposes dilute effectiveness.
2. What do we want to accomplish? Remember a meeting filled with reports is soul sucking.
3. How will we break the ice? We arrive at meetings skeptical about icebreakers.

5 unexpected questions before remote teams meet in person:

#1. How can we create vibrant environments?

Play music when people arrive and during breaks. Stop treating meetings like funerals. Be creative with setup, lighting, and food.

Plan a surprise or two.

#2. How do we want to feel about each other?

Leaders neglect the “feelings” question. 

Emotions are energy. Dull meetings lack emotion because no one thought about how people will feel listening to updates all day. (Unless updates add meaning to work and relationships.)

Work is misery when we love the work and hate the people.

Highlight interdependencies.

People forget they need others to succeed. Reflect on ways to make work easier for others. (Not how they can make it easier for you, how you can make it easier for them.)

Why meet if everyone can succeed on their own?

#3. How can we nurture relationships?

People aren’t your greatest resource, trusting relationships are.

#4. How will we maximize physical movement?

Skip the travel when face-to-face meetings are exactly the same as online meetings.

A day of sitting is exhausting.

#5. How can team members contribute to the success of the meeting?

Everyone wants to contribute. Let them. Plan it. Expect it. People walk away excited about the meeting if they contribute. Think about something more than giving a report.

Some of my clients noticed the value of watercooler conversations when they returned to the office. Short spontaneous conversations bring variety and velocity to work.

What are some problems to avoid when remote teams meet in person?

What are ways to enrich experiences when remote teams meet in person?

Still curious:

10 Steps to an Offsite that isn’t Pathetic

3 Words that Make Meetings Great

People Are Not Your Greatest Asset (hbr.org)

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The Secret of Success Isn’t Good Fortune, Hard Work, or Talent

Most answers to the secret of success are dissatisfying.

We want hope. When someone’s balloon rises, we want to believe we can rise too. When others earn promotions, make money, or garner respect – and we don’t – we search for the secret of success.

We don’t usually say, “Tell me how to be like you.”

We ask…

1. What is your advice for people starting out?
2. How can I get ahead in my organization?
3. What can I do to build my business?

3 dissatisfying answers to the secret of success:

#1. Good fortune:

“I’ve been fortunate,” means the secret of success is like rolling dice.

Good fortune is part of success. Jay Elliot met Steve Jobs – by chance – on the day his new job disintegrated.

Raise your hand if good fortune has been part of your journey. Someone cared for you. You had opportunities because of family. You were at the right place at the right time. A wise advisor said something that shifted your trajectory. For Doug Conant, former CEO of Campbell’s Soup, it was Neil MacKenna.

#2. Talent:

You’re born with talent. You can’t control it. Yes, you develop it. But you can’t order it at the talent store.

Good fortune and talent are disappointing secrets to success.

#3. Hard work:

Most people who ask about success are in two categories. One group wants easy success. The other group is working hard but not rising.

Many people work hard all their lives and don’t rise.

Gary Vaynerchuk said, “Hard work is the only real “secret to success” out there – but a lot of people these days are demonizing it.”

Hard work isn’t a secret of success. It’s a given. But what to do when hard work doesn’t work?

Beyond the big three (Good fortune, talent, and hard work), what is the secret of success from your point of view?

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4 Responses to Complaints About Others

Complaints about others might be self-serving. Or people could feel genuine concern, frustration, or a desire to improve situations. Or maybe they seek to elevate their status by pulling someone down.

Complaints about others might be:

1. Malicious gossip.
2. Political one-upmanship.
3. Blaming.
4. Self-protection.
5. Venting.
6. Solution-seeking.
7. Support-seeking.

Don’t:

Determine what you don’t want to do before you begin.

#1. Don’t belittle people’s concerns.

#2. Don’t assume you understand. People tailor stories to make themselves look superior.

#3. Don’t take sides.

#4. Don’t take responsibility for relationships between others.

#5. Don’t become a go-between.

#6. Don’t get emotional.

#7. Don’t violate confidentiality.

 4 responses to complaints about others:

#1. Notice motives.

Determine the reason you’re hearing complaints about others by asking a clarifying question. Choose one of the following questions.

1. What would you like to take away from this conversation?
2. What would make this a great conversation for you?
3. What’s causing this to come up now?

Don’t passively listen to complaints about others.

#2. Affirm without agreeing.

1. This seems important to you.
2. You seem to care deeply about this.
3. We want things to go smoothly at work.
4. Strong relationships are important.

#3. Aim low.

Complaints, tension or distrust don’t magically vanish. Define reasonable success. Never enter a game when you don’t know what winning looks like.

Ask, “How important is developing a good relationship?” You end up frustrated and disappointed when you work harder on people’s relationships than they do.

What’s the best outcome you see?

#4. Expect personal engagement.

Don’t fix “for”, fix “with”.

1. What would you like to do about this?
2. What are some ways you could improve this situation?
3. How would you like to respond next time this happens?

Job satisfaction and team performance connect to strong relationships.

What’s on your list of do’s and don’ts when you hear complaints about others?

Still curious:

7 Truths about Chronic Complainers Every Leader Needs Today

How to Put an End to Personal Complaining

4 Types of Employee Complaints — and How to Respond (hbr.org)

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7 Ways to Enable Boldness

Insecure people are conformists. Doubt produces caution.

It’s easy to manage insecure people.

1. Post rules.
2. Limit choices.
3. Tweak work.
4. Honor conformity.
5. Punish initiative.

Do you really want to enable boldness? Bold people resist being managed. Do you want people solving problems on their own or acting without permission?

Decide if you prefer control or boldness.

7 ways to enable boldness:

#1. Respect.

You get what you respect.

Honor effort, growth, improvement, and progress.

Enable boldness by honoring risk-taking. When you punish initiative, you earn stagnation.

Enable performance with respect. High performance requires…

1. Confidence.
2. Power.
3. Energy.

Helplessness shows up as…

1. Anxiety.
2. Resentment.
3. Fatigue.

#2. Explore.

Today is a beautiful day to ask, “What do you think?” Or “How would you handle this?”

Set a goal and ask, “What does forward movement look like from your perspective?”

#3. Release.

Hoop-jumping drains. Trust instills confidence.

1. Choose goals.
2. Set boundaries.
3. Enable growth and development.
4. Get out of the way.

#4. Equip.

Encourage improvement so you won’t have to over-see.

Fearful leaders prefer weak teams.

Enable through development. Trust competent people.

#5. Reveal.

Transparency empowers because it invites people in.

1. Show your humanity.
2. Keep people in the loop.
3. Let out joy. It takes more courage to share joy than to complain.

#6. Challenge.

High expectations tell people you believe in them.

Low expectations are subtle forms of rejection that say you’re incompetent.

Balance challenge with support by monitoring energy. When frustration goes up, challenge may be too high. When boredom sets in, support is destructive.

#7. Own.

Own your mistakes. Blame disempowers. Don’t beat yourself down. Own mistakes with confidence.

1. Explain what you’ll do next time.
2. Share things you’re learning. (We are always learning. You haven’t mastered anything.)
3. Apologize, but don’t belittle yourself.

Your ownership empowers responsibility-taking in others – when you practice mutual accountability.

What leadership behaviors enable boldness?

What leadership behaviors elevate anxiety?

Still curious:

4 Principles of Responsible Boldness

Four Ways to Create Unflinching Boldness

How Bold Leadership Can Help Or Hurt You

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PERMA – 5 Elements to Thrive

Positive psychology isn’t happy talk.

Positive psychology concerns itself with things that cause people to flourish.

I couldn’t list the 5 elements necessary to thrive during a coaching conversation yesterday (PERMA). I decided a refresher was necessary. Everyone who cares about the success of others needs to understand PERMA.

Martin Seligman, former president of the American Psychological Association, championed the positive psychology movement in 1998. Seligman learned there are 5 elements necessary for people to thrive.

1. Positive emotion.
2. Engagement.
3. good Relationships.
4. Meaning.
5. Accomplishment.

PERMA:

#1. Positive emotion:

To thrive you need hope, happiness, joy, satisfaction. I love that the champion of positive psychology says his happiness setpoint is on the low side.

Whether you’re naturally upbeat or not, you can impact the way you feel with behaviors. Choose to act your way into feeling instead of feel your way into acting.

Tip: Practice gratitude to impact positive emotion.

#2. Engagement.

To flourish you need to voluntarily do things that challenge you. Things that capture your attention. It’s called FLOW.

Application:

Discuss the concept of challenge with team members. What challenges you? What level of challenge do you typically feel at work? How challenging does this new project feel to you? (Too much challenge overwhelms. Too little causes boredom.)

#3. good Relationships.

How connected are you with friends, family, and co-workers?

Create an environment where results and relationships go hand in hand.

#4. Meaning.

People who thrive feel they are doing things that matter. How are you participating in something bigger than yourself?

#5. Accomplishment.

How can you help people win today?

What does personal progress look like today?

Conclusion:

PERMA is usually top of mind for me. Yesterday I realized I had lost touch with it. I thought you might enjoy a refresher as well.

What aspect of PERMA is most relevant to you today? To your team?

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