Tag: Leadership

Don’t Depend on Others

“Don’t depend on others,” is a destructive scam.

Life is limited to individual achievement when you depend only on yourself.

Self-reliance:

Joan Benoit said, “You can’t depend on other people, you have to run your own race.” Joan was the first woman to win a gold medal in the Olympics (1984). You may not know the whole story.

Reject the wrong message from self-reliance.

Joan injured her knee before the Olympic trials. 17 days before the race she had arthroscopic knee surgery. She finished the marathon in the top three with a time of 2 hours 31 minutes and 41 seconds. Three months later, her gold medal run was nearly seven minutes faster. That’s self-reliance. But there’s more.

Depend on others:

Joan didn’t perform knee surgery on herself. She flew from Maine to California to have the best in the U.S. examine her knee.

Reflect on the journey of any Olympian. They all depend on others to become high performing athletes.

Top performers depend on others.

The more you achieve, the more you depend on others.

Everyone who reaches high stands on the shoulders of an army.

How to depend on others:

1. Demonstrate self-reliance.

People ask me how they can be more prolific. When I ask how many blogs they’ve written sometimes they say they haven’t started yet. I got nothing for a person like that.

Start on your own. Sir Edmund Hillary was invited to join the team to climb Mt. Everest because he had been climbing since he was a teenager. He demonstrated competence.

2. Help others.

Before you depend on others, be a person others depend on.

3. Appreciate the unique abilities of others.

The coaches of great athletes can’t perform as well as the athletes they coach. But they are remarkable coaches.

How can self-reliant people learn to rely on others?

Still curious:

Leadership Derailers: Self-Reliance

Joan Benoit

Sir Edmund Hillary and Tenzing Norgay – 1953 Everest

Our book, The Vagrant, is coming on September 19, but you can pre-order now.

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When Problem-Solving is a Problem

The way you deal with problems is more important than the problems themselves. Dysfunctional problem-solving makes problems worse.

3 dysfunctional problem-solving leaders:

#1. Tip-toe leaders.

Tip-toe leaders prolong problems by producing tip-toe solutions.

Tip-toe leaders worry too much about personalities, politics, and public perception. You can’t ignore these issues. Just don’t make them central.

Solution: Stretch your kind candor muscles behind closed doors with trusted colleagues.  Find language and tone that expresses your heart and speaks to challenges.

#2. Drama-making leaders.

Drama aggravates problems by adding heat. Spend less energy complaining about things in the past and more energy dealing with things you can change.

Cure: Adopt a make-it-better approach. Ask, “How am I making things better with my attitude, words, and behaviors?”

Use the energy of stress to turn your attention to solutions.

#3. Face-saving leaders.

Face-savers worry more about appearances than results. Face-saving leaders:

1. Hide tough issues from higher ups.
2. Minimize real problems.
3. Have things in control when they’re covering their butts.

Sadly, in dysfunctional organizations, face-savers succeed.

Cure: The best way to save face is to own problems and work toward solutions, even if the problems aren’t your fault. Be known as a solution provider, not a self-protective face-saver.

10 questions that enable effective problem-solving:

1. Why does this matter?
2. What have we already done to solve this problem?
3. How are customers impacted by this problem?
4. What internal teams/individuals are impacted by this problem?
5. What do we assume is true?
6. Who needs to be part of the solution?
7. If things were going perfectly, what would it look like? Think behaviors.
8. What would you like from me?
9. What questions should we be asking?
10. What’s next?

Use the Five Ws to gather information.

1. Who?
2. What?
3. When?
4. Where?
5. Why?

What do leaders do to prolong problems?

What are some questions to ask when working to solve problems?

This post is adapted from a Leadership post on October 3, 2016.

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Choose How You Show Up Before You Show Up

Strength sees opportunities. Weakness sees threats. You see the world the way you see yourself.

Self-perception shapes the way you show up.

How do you show up when your inner accuser is loud?

1. Filled with self-doubt that causes second-guessing.
2. Fearful of making mistakes.
3. Worried about being judged.
4. Obsessively analyzing your words.
5. Avoiding topics that need exploration.
6. Feeling inadequate or jealous.
7. Defensive when receiving tough feedback.

How do you show up when you feel confident in yourself?

1. Prepared to turn outward instead of focusing on yourself.
2. Open to listen without defensiveness.
3. Comfortable with others.
4. Willing to address tough topics with a forward-facing orientation.
5. Aware and respectful of boundaries both for ourselves and others.
6. Trusting competent people to perform.
7. Leaning into your strengths.
8. Attractive to others (I’m not talking about physical beauty).
9. Able to infuse confidence in others.
10. Positive instead of fearful.

Choose how you show up:

Spend 1 minute visualizing how you want to show up before your next meeting.

1. How does your best self begin the meeting?
2. How do you look? Think about body language and facial expression.
3. What do you do when someone tries to hijack the meeting?
4. What is your orientation toward people? Toward planning? Toward decision-making?
5. How do you feel about yourself when you’re interacting with people?
6. How does your best self move the agenda forward?
7. How do you see yourself ending the meeting?

Be specific. Think actions, words, facial expressions and vocal tone.

1-day challenge:

Practice a best-self-visualization in the morning and before significant encounters. At the end of the day record your observations on a piece of paper (Writing is thinking). If it’s useful, do it for 5 days.

How does the way we think about ourselves seep into behaviors and attitudes?

Still curious:

The Power of Showing Up – Choose How You Show Up or Someone Else Will

How to Show Up Like a Leader Today

Act Like a Leader Before You Are One (hbr.org)

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Everyone Wants 5 Things

At the core, everyone wants 5 things. The only difference is how we describe and pursue what we want.

Everyone wants 5 things:

1. Everyone wants to feel good about their life.

You might feel good about your life because you feel superior. You’re prettier, thinner, smarter, or more successful.

You might feel good about your life for noble reasons. You care about people, or you show up to serve.

Even Stoics, who believe the good life is about logic, feel good about the logical life.

2. Everyone wants to enjoy their work.

I know you want to enjoy work when you’re frustrated that you hate work. One reason you change jobs is the desire to enjoy work.

3. Everyone wants to matter.

You didn’t get up this morning thinking, “I hope I don’t matter.” One reason people contemplate suicide is they feel they don’t matter.

4. Everyone wants fulfilling relationships.

When you feel joy, you want someone to share it with. When you feel angry, you want to tell someone who understands.

You want people to know your name and understand what matters to you.

5. Everyone wants to achieve something.

Gamers want to win. Managers want results. Parents want to raise happy kids. Even Buddhists want to eliminate craving.

Application:

Leaders succeed when they help people get what they want.

“You can have everything in life you want if you will just help enough other people get what they want.” Zig Ziglar

Everyone prioritizes the above list in personal ways. Achievement means more to some than others, for example. But everyone wants 5 things.

What would you add to the above list of Everyone wants 5 things?

How might life change if you worked to help others get what they want?

Still curious:

3 Ways to Do What Matters Today

7 Relationship Building Rules for Results-Driven Leaders

The PERMA Model: Your Scientific Theory of Happiness

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6 Steps in Building a New Culture

20 copies available!!

Leave a comment on this guest post by Jay B Barney to become eligible for one of 20 complimentary copies of his new book, “The Secret of Culture Change: How to Build Authentic Stories That Transform Your Organization.”

Deadline for eligibility is 08/13/2023. International winners will receive electronic version.

To implement new strategies, you often have to build a new culture. In order to build a new culture, you need to replace the current stories your employees share about what your company values, with new stories that exemplify the new cultural values required to implement your new strategy.

But, how do you replace these old stories? By building new stories. You build these stories by engaging in actions that contradict your firm’s current culture but exemplify the values of a new culture.

Six things to remember while you build new stories:

• First—they must be true to your personal values. Your employees can smell your hypocrisy from miles away, and won’t enroll in your culture-change process if it is not authentic.
• Second—you have to star in the stories you build. Your commitment to culture change is enhanced when you engage in actions that build culture-changing stories.
• Third—the stories you build have to break with the past and provide a path to the future.  You are not single-handedly building a new culture. You are building stories that invite your employees to co-create this new culture with you.
• Fourth—your stories must appeal to your employees’ heads—is there a good business case for culture change?—and to their hearts—their emotions and highest aspirations.
• Fifth—your stories need to be theatrical, so your employees will remember them.
• Sixth—you need to build a “story cascade” in your firm,  where employees throughout your organization are empowered to build their own culture-changing stories.

When you engage in actions that exemplify new cultural values that build stories with these six attributes, you can change your organizational culture in a way that will help you implement your new strategy.

What’s your takeaway from Jay’s post?
Jay B. Barney is one of the top three most cited scholars in the field of strategic management, who has published over 125 articles and book chapters, along with seven books. He is a full-time professor at Eccles School of Management at the University of Utah. He has co-authored The Secret of Culture Change: How to Build Authentic Stories That Transform Your Organization (Berrett-Koehler Publishers, August 2023)…

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The Power to Say No

“Focus is about saying no.” – Steve Jobs

“You have to be good at saying no and picking the things that really matter.” – Warren Buffet

Where does the power to say no come from?

7 Comparisons:

1. “Yes” expands your perspective. “No” sets you free.
2. “Yes” expresses aspiration. “No” taps into meaning.
3. “Yes” creates opportunity. “No” creates focus.
4. “Yes” explores. “No” narrows.
5. “Yes” increases learning. “No” reflects wisdom.
6. “Yes” steps into risk. “No” sets boundaries.
7. “Yes” requires energy. “No” protects energy.

Bonus: “Yes” goes wide. “No” enables you to go deep.

Freedom:

Every “yes” is an obligation. You end up overcommitted when you can’t say “no.” Examine yourself. Are you constantly late? Is there never enough time?

The freedom to turn down good opportunities comes from knowing who you are.

The person who knows who they are makes choices that narrow focus and expand fulfillment.

The power to say no comes from authenticity:

A person who doesn’t know who they are is gullible. Gullibility puts you in peril.

Authenticity protects you from manipulation. Bosses use ambition to manipulate people who don’t know who they are. The only thing that matters is getting ahead when you lose yourself to the opinion of others.

Your inner scorecard is more important than your outer scorecard. Focus less on what others think and more on what you think.

“It’s much better to aim low. I did not intend to get rich. I wanted to be independent. I just overshot.” Warren Buffet

Self-discovery:

#1. You learn who you are when you notice your energy. Authentic activities pull you forward, while inauthentic activities drag you down.

#2. You learn who you are when you monitor frustration. Recurring frustrations explain your values. Values show you what to do.

#3. You learn who you are when you practice humility. Humility is open and curious. Humility doesn’t seek to impress others.

Where does the power to say no come from?

Still curious about the power to say no:

The BIG YES Accelerates Leadership

The Ability to Say NO is the Power to do What Matters

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Live by Aspirations: Stop Using Genetic Wiring as an Excuse

Personality assessments are fun because we are fascinated with ourselves.

Don’t coddle yourself with your Myers-Briggs assessment, or any other. Your genetic inclinations are a platform, not an excuse for self-affirming apathy or incompetence.

Genetic wiring is a platform, not a cap on potential. Don’t cower behind, “I’m not wired that way.” If you aren’t good at leading, learn to lead.

Extroverts learn to listen.

Introverts learn to give presentations.

Tender hearts learn to have tough conversations.

A lens not a limit:

Self-understanding is essential and energizing. My most natural tendencies are creativity, teamwork, honesty, love of learning, and leadership according to the VIA Character Strengths Assessment. It also indicates I’m not inclined toward forgiveness, humility, and self-regulation. (I usually think assessments are wrong when they identify my weaknesses.)

Lack of humility is obviously a hindrance. But creativity and love of learning hinder me too. I spend too much time improving decisions. Sometimes I need to stop improving and get busy doing it.

Live by aspirations:

Myers-Briggs Type Indicator categorizes individuals into one of 16 personality types based on preferences for four dichotomies: extraversion/introversion, sensing/intuition, thinking/feeling, and judging/perceiving.

Perhaps MBTI indicates you’re an introvert. You hate talking in front of groups. So what!

Genetic wiring is a platform, not a limit.

Live by your aspirations.

If you aspire to lead teams, use your genetic wiring as a lens.
The best leaders live beyond their wiring. Introverts learn to practice extrovertish skills. Thinkers learn how to get things done and Doers learn to develop relationships.

Develop skills that express your aspirations. Don’t hide behind your genetic wiring. Learn to lead from the genetic platform you were given. Genetic wiring isn’t an excuse for apathy.

Live by aspirations not limitations.

How do you know when to challenge yourself?

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4 Ways to Have Lousy One-On-Ones

Leaders bring vitality. They don’t create drudgery.

When one-on-ones turn people into zombies, you’re doing them wrong. Think of how everyone else feels if one-on-ones drain you.

Stop sucking the life out of people. Tedium isn’t productive.

4 ways to have lousy one-on-ones:

1. Don’t prepare.

Time with you is sour when you rush around at the last minute. People feel devalued.

Preparation says you care.

2. Talk exclusively about work.

People just want to get back to work when you blab on and on about work. There’s no work without people.

The #1 thing employees ask is, “Does my employer care about me?” (Gallup)

3. Be formal.

When professionalism builds barriers it’s a hindrance.

Connect with people.

4. Hog the time.

Listening tells people they matter. Let others do most of the talking.

4 questions to ask before your next one-on-one:

1. What do you want people to believe about your organization, you, and themselves?
2. How do you want people to feel about themselves, you? Do you want them to feel energized, sobered, connected, supported, challenged AND supported?
3. What do you want people to do?
4. How can you encourage personal/leadership development?

3 tips for your next one-on-one:

1. Turn off distractions.

Hide your phone. Turn toward people and away from computer screens.

2. Prepare your heart.

Do three things – three minutes before your next one-on-one.

1. Close your eyes and breathe deep for a minute.
2. Reflect on the person you’re meeting with.
3. Determine how you want to show up for them.

3. Take notes.

Take notes so you can follow up.

Explain that you aren’t writing prescriptions. You’re just keeping track of the conversation. Some prefer not taking notes during one-on-ones. If you don’t do it during the meeting, do it immediately after.

How can one-on-ones be energizing instead of draining?

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3 Ways to be Liked and Respected

Smart people give their best even when leadership sucks. But it’s easier when leaders are liked and respected.

Incompetent leaders can be liked, but ineffective. You can respect someone but doubt their ability to lead.

Results:

There’s more to results than being liked and respected.

Results are impacted by:

1. Employee competence.
2. Processes.
3. Leadership style.
4. Team dynamics.
5. Regulations.
6. Organizational culture.
7. Political and social events.
8. Efficiency.
9. Market conditions.
10. Quality and service.

3 ways to be liked and respected:

It’s easier to give your best to someone you like and respect.

#1. Pursue leadership excellence like a fanatic.

Worry more about becoming a remarkable leader than being liked and respected.

1. Tell people what’s important.
2. Don’t try to please everyone.
3. Bring up tough issues with forward-facing optimism.
4. Show people you care about results and relationships.
5. Stay on target. A leader who chases three rabbits at the same time comes home with apples for dinner.
6. Learn like a sponge. Know-it-all leaders are losers. The difference between arrogance and humility is consistent learning and growth.
7. Challenge people to bring their best and support them along the way.

#2. Help people respect themselves.

Expect people to bring their best. Rushing to help is a subtle form of disrespect that suggests people are incompetent.

No one likes a leader who suggests everyone is incompetent.

Make room for responsible failure. Imagine little Mary struggling to tie her shoe. When you rush to help, she resists. “I’ll do it myself.” Your help is respected after she knows it’s hard to tie shoes.

People like leaders who help them feel good about themselves. Coddling isn’t the answer.

#3. Like people.

People are likely to like leaders who like them.

Make a list of things you like about the people on your team. Keep it in mind. Review it when you’re frustrated.

How can leaders be liked and respected?

Still curious:

How to be the Leader People Love to See

How to be a Leader People Like – Without being Needy

Being Liked vs. Being Respected

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Dear Dan: What Questions Should I Ask My CEO

Dear Dan,

I have a new position within our company. Now I report directly to the CEO. What questions should I ask during our first meeting?

Sincerely,

Bob

Dear Bob,

Congratulations on earning a new position. Here’s a list of questions to choose from. I recommend you pick two or three.

Safe landing strip:

The landing strip for questions is the sentence before the question that declares your intention. Questions can feel awkward. People wonder what you’re after. It’s best to tell them why you’re asking before you ask.
The sentence before the question narrows responses. Help listeners focus on your interests.

1. I’m just curious.
2. I wonder what’s important to you.
3. I want to be sure I focus on….
4. I want to bring value to our customers.
5. I want to focus my energy on important things.

Questions to ask the CEO:

1. What will be true six months from now?

Ask from three perspectives, for customers, your organization, and for yourself.
“I want to bring value to our customers. If I’m wildly successful in this new role, what will be true for our customers six months from now?”

2. What value do you believe I can bring our customers?

Don’t ask, “What value can I bring our customers?” Ask the question from a personal perspective. You might not hear a personal answer, but it’s worth a try.

3. What did you see in me that prompted you to offer me this position?

Don’t sound needy when you ask this question. Use a landing strip sentence.

1. “I want to be sure I understand how I earned this position.”
2. “I look forward to serving in this new capacity. If you don’t mind me asking, what did you see in me that caused you to offer me this position?”
   Listen for specific skills, attitudes, and behaviors. Gently ask a second question if their answer focuses on the work.
3. “That’s helpful. I’m also interested in any specific skills you noticed.” Insert words like, strengths, talents, attitudes, or behaviors in the place of skills.
4. “That’s helpful. I wonder if…?”
5. “I appreciate that. Could you say more about…?”

4. What will I not have done if I fail at this position?

Set a timeframe. “Six months from now.”

Don’t sound insecure. Build a safe landing strip. “I want to be sure I understand the key success factors of this role from your perspective.”

10 Possible questions:

1. What would you like me to know about you?
2. What…

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