3 Ways to Confront Unrealistic Optimism

3 Ways to Confront Unrealistic Optimism

Positive thinking doesn’t cure cancer or prevent wars. Unrealistic optimism might actually cause wars and increase the likelihood you’ll get cancer.

You do stupid things when you underestimate the possibility of failure.

Action bursts the illusion of unrealistic optimism. Image of a bubble.

7 benefits of optimism:

Optimism is a good thing.

  1. Less stress.
  2. Better performance at work.
  3. Stronger relationships.
  4. Reduced risk of chronic diseases.
  5. Grit. Optimists try harder. Pessimists give up sooner.
  6. Constructive thinking.
  7. Better problem-solving.

One study suggests optimists live up to15% longer.

5 dangers of unrealistic optimism:

  1. Stress. Positive thinking leads to over-promising.
  2. Violated trust. Over-confidence leads to broken promises.
  3. Risky behaviors. Baseless optimism says cigarettes don’t cause cancer in everyone.
  4. Dreams without action. Meaningful goals require sweat.
  5. Lack of growth. There’s no room for you to grow when failure is other people’s fault.

Real optimists don't believe hard things are easy. Image of a field of sunflowers.

How to be a realistic optimist:

#1. Practice negative thinking when planning.

Effective planning requires pessimism. Don’t ask positive thinkers to make plans.

  1. What could go wrong?
  2. What are some hidden costs?
  3. What unexpected resistance might occur?
  4. What’s the downside?

#2. Seek input from doers.

Give unrealistic optimism a dose of reality with the voice of experience. Ask your big dreamer to interview people who have achieved success.

Positive action is useful when it feeds action. Image of a smiling baby.

#3. Design the next step.

Action bursts the illusion of unrealistic optimism. Don’t tell me your big dream. Tell me what you’re going to do today to reach it. Not tomorrow, today.

Dream dreams. Set goals. Make plans. Do something today. A goal you can’t act on today is a fantasy.

Unrealistic optimism becomes realistic when you ask, “What are you going to do today to reach that goal?” Someone says, “I’m going to be the CEO of this company by the time I’m 35.” That’s great! What will you do today – beyond day-to-day responsibilities – to achieve that goal?

Optimism without action destroys potential.

How can leaders practice realistic optimism?

What suggestions do you have for unrealistic optimists?

Still curious:

7 Ways to Avoid the Pitfalls of Optimism

The Gift of Negativity: What We Gain By Faultfinding, Nitpicking, and Naysaying

The Vagrant,” teaches people how to engage in structured self-reflection. I encourage you to get your copy today. The story is compelling and the exercises at the end set readers on a life-changing journey. Click here to purchase, The Vagrant, on Amazon.

Everything changes when we change the way we think about ourselves.

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Insecurity and Other Signs You’re on the Right Track

Insecurity and Other Signs You’re on the Right Track

How can you know if you’re on the right track? Wrong ideas feel right.

  1. Micro-managing feels right to control freaks.
  2. Standing aloof feels like the right track to jerk-holes.
  3. Telling people what to do seems like the right track until you need people to take initiative.

Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. Image of a person sitting on the railroad tracks.

3 signs you’re on the right track:

#1. You’re on the right track when you feel like a novice.

Forward movement causes uncertainty.

Experts feel secure because they rely on established formulas. They repeat past strategies. Being an expert is confidence to try new things, not an excuse to keep doing the same thing.

Be a person who feels a little insecure because you’re trying something new.

Stagnant people feel certain.

Every achievement begins with let’s try.

Those who reject uncertainty eliminate opportunity.

Image of female runner on the track.

#2. You’re on the right track when you seek help.

When you’re at the end of your rope, you waited too long to seek help. Don’t be helpless. Be helpable.

Record stories of people who are currently helping you, during self-reflection time. Write down their name and what they are doing to equip you for new challenges.

Record stories of past helpers. Reflect on past co-workers, mentors, coaches, and bosses. List teachers, sports coaches, and other people who lifted you up. You wouldn’t be where you are without them.

Bring a current challenge to mind and ask, “Who might know?”

#3. You’re on the right track when you talk openly about personal growth opportunities.

Leaders often focus on the growth of others and neglect their own. Average leaders feel frustrated with the weaknesses of others. High potential leaders work on their own faults and weaknesses.

How frequently do you bring up the weaknesses of others compared to your own?

What is your personal growth plan?  

How can leaders tell if they are on the right track?

Still curious:

Feeling Uncertain

Saturday Sage: Build a Better Life with Good Travel Partners

7 Good Signs That You’re on the Right Track in Life

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I’m Taking Personal Time – Leadership Freak

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This is very funny, I just told one of my team members that he needs to take some personal time for himself. “You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of others.” I was all excited to send him this post so I could tell him “this is what I was talking about yesterday.”
I still sent it too him and told him that even the guy that posts everyday is taking some personal time. Enjoy your time off and rejuvenate so we can read more good material.

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How to Manage the Danger of Untended Wounds

How to Manage the Danger of Untended Wounds

People – like pears – decay from the inside. Gray mold (botrytis cineara) infects wounded pears. By the time decay appears the fruit has spoiled on the inside (Images here).

Untended wounds become rot.

Untended wounds become rot. Image of a rotten pear.

#1. Unspoken expectations cause wounds:

You poison yourself when you expect others to conform to unspoken expectation.

You didn’t explain that being on time for meetings is mandatory. After all, everyone should know that.

Things everyone “should know” give birth to offenses.

Solution: Courageously establish standards and boundaries.

#2. Negative assumptions cause untended wounds:

You’re in danger of rotting from the inside when you assume negative intentions. A team member offers a different approach in a meeting. You assume they want to make you look bad.

Other negative assumptions:

  1. Insincerity. Their kind words are insincere manipulations.
  2. Excluding. You didn’t get invited to the meeting, so you assume a plot.
  3. Disrespect. You might assume lack of warmth means you’re not respected.
  4. Jealousy. Someone disagrees with you and you assume they’re jealous.

Solution: Assume the best until there’s clear evidence you’re wrong.

#3. Untended wounds justify self-serving behaviors:

You don’t see your own self-serving actions when wounds turn to anger and resentment. Eventually it’s obvious to others.

Conversations fueled by anger are often self-serving. Anger builds up because you didn’t get something important to you. Before long, anger turns to blame or bitterness. Eventually, dark emotions give you courage to say something you should have said long ago.

Are you feeling offended but haven’t brought it up? Secret offenses corrupt your perspective. An offended person – who doesn’t speak up – finds reasons to justify a grudge.

Solutions: Ruminating indicates rot. Bring up concerns before they infect.

Tip: Consistently practice gratitude.

What untended wounds poison people from the inside out?

How can leaders protect themselves and others from untended wounds?

The practice of gratitude elevates you above the poison of resentment. Image of an animal skull hanging on the wall.

Still curious:

4 Surprising Times to Express Gratitude

The 7 Impossibilities of Gratitude

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The 4 Universal Factors of Success

The 4 Universal Factors of Success

Confusion about the path to success obscures the obvious.

There are four factors of success. Not three. Not five. Four and only four.

Your definition of success is basically irrelevant. The exception is thinking success is achievement without effort.

The path is the same for everyone.

There are four universal factors of success. Image of pineapples.

The 4 universal factors of success:

#1. Drive and work:

Grit, motivation, determination, practice, and discipline fit in the drive and work bucket.

#2. Talent:

Successful people are born with talent. So are you. Successful people use natural born inclinations, aptitudes, and abilities every day.

Top level athletes are born with talents the rest of us don’t have. You can acquire skills, but talent came with you at birth.

#3. Support from others:

No one achieves success alone. You aren’t self-made. Parents, friends, mentors, colleagues, coaches, and communities contribute to your success. Great athletes are surrounded by strong teammates.

Successful leaders stand on the shoulders of strong teams.

#4. Opportunity:

Education, exposure, resources, networks, and problems that need solutions enable individuals to showcase their talents and abilities. Family roots are often a factor in opportunity.

Winston Churchill was the right person at the right time to defeat Hitler. Brock Purdy, quarterback for the San Francisco 49ers was dead last in the 2022 NFL draft. He is the right person at the right time.

Conclusion:

You control three of the four universal factors of success.

You can’t control good fortune. Although, Colman Cox said, “I am a great believer in luck. The harder I work, the more of it I seem to have.”

If you hope to succeed, work hard, maximize your talents, and seek lots of help.

What factors of success don’t fit within the four categories I mention in this post?

Which factor of success do you believe to be the most important?

Still curious:

The Journey to True Success

The 3 Ascending Levels of Leadership Success

How to Succeed as a Leader

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Dear Dan: My Boss Doesn’t Give Me Feedback

Dear Dan: My Boss Doesn’t Give Me Feedback

Dear Dan,

I have a new manager that has been with our department for a little over a year now and she never gives direct feedback, which can be frustrating. She told me in one of our 1:1’s that I am the type of person that wants feedback and I’m doing an excellent job. I’m looking for more than that.

Any suggestion on how to pull more out of her?

Sincerely,

Needs More Feedback

(Note: This post is a little over 500 words.)

Unlock your potential by actively seeking feedback. Image of a lock and key.

Dear Needs More,

You’re not alone. People want to know how they are doing.

Gallup’s research* indicates the top four things Millennials want from managers are:

  1. Job Clarity and priorities.
  2. Ongoing feedback and communication.
  3. Opportunities to learn and grow.
  4. Accountability.

(*You’ll have to enter your name and email to download the report.)

Aspiration chafes at stagnation.

How to get useful feedback from your boss:

#1. Take initiative.

Tell her something you’re working to improve.

You could ask her for help identifying an area of opportunity. But you’ll probably need to pick a skill or behavior yourself. Pick something you believe will propel you forward.

Pick a skill you will need if you earn a promotion. Make sure you can use it today as well.

#2. Narrow focus.

Ask her to notice your performance in that specific area.

Explain in your 1:1 that you’re going to ask her what she noticed about your performance in that specific area. What did you do that didn’t serve? What did you do that did serve?

You could ask for advice also. What suggestions does she have that might move you forward?

#3. Circle back:

Remind her what you’re working on during 1:1s. Ask what she noticed. If she says something like, “You’re doing great,” ask, “What am I doing that makes you say that?”

Be gently persistent. Don’t poke the bear.

If nothing comes up, ask her if it’s OK to bring this up in your next 1:1.

If your efforts fail seek feedback elsewhere.

#4. Seek feedback from colleagues.

Go through the same process as listed above with co-workers and colleagues. You won’t have 1:1s with colleagues so set a time when you are going to seek their feedback.

All you’re looking for is their reactions to your actions. Whatever they share is the truth from their point of view. It might not be useful to you, but it’s their reaction.

Feedback is always true. When someone says you made them uncomfortable, you can’t say, “No I didn’t.”

#5. Seek feedback from customers or people you serve.

Feedback done well energizes performance. Image of cookies.

Conclusion:

Improvement requires feedback. We must see how we…

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13 Things that Make Organizations Extraordinary

Over two decades of research and observations have revealed the key factors that enable the best organizations to succeed and dominate. I’ve condensed this research into what I call the “Lucky 13” (I’m not superstitious): critical elements that set apart leading companies like Apple, Amazon, Google, and Microsoft.

1. Adaptability and Agility

The 2008 financial crisis and the COVID-19 pandemic have tested organizations’ resilience. Apple’s and Amazon’s ability to pivot and adapt rapidly in the face of adversity underscores the necessity of agility in today’s business landscape.
Agility and experimentation beat planning and process in times of dramatic change.

2. Innovative Commitment

Google and Tesla exemplify the power of fostering a culture of innovation. Their continuous push for breakthroughs has kept them at the forefront of their respective industries.
Innovation isn’t just the breakthrough concepts which often sets the course for extraordinary companies, but ongoing innovations small and large.

3. Effective Leadership

Satya Nadella’s transformative leadership at Microsoft demonstrates the profound impact of visionary and effective leadership. It’s crucial to develop leadership at all levels, ensuring alignment with organizational goals.
Leadership doesn’t make “a difference.” It makes “the difference.”

4. Customer Centric Focus

Zappos has excelled by prioritizing customer satisfaction, proving that a customer-centric approach is key to lasting success. The road to customer centric hell is paved with good intentions. The best companies don’t just promise and promote, they consistently perform and deliver.

5. Strong Organizational Culture

Netflix and Salesforce showcase the value of a positive and strong organizational culture, aligning employees with the mission and values of the company.
Culture can be built by design, and if inherited, changed with intention and the right actions.

6. Emphasis on Talent Management

In the fiercely competitive tech industry, attracting and retaining top talent is crucial. Companies must focus on nurturing and developing their human resources.
Finding and keeping good employees is good. Creating a culture of engaging the employees you’ve got and attracting top talent because of it is even better.

7. Data-Driven Decision Making

The advent of big data and analytics has revolutionized decision-making processes, making it essential for companies to adopt a data-driven approach.
The best leaders aim higher than simply capturing data. They derive important insights from the data.

8. Financial Health and Sustainability

Sound financial management, diversification of revenue streams, and long-term financial planning are vital in weathering financial crises and market fluctuations.
The pathway of organizational success is littered with one-hit wonders: companies that were high fliers but only temporarily.

9. Social Responsibility and Ethics

As global awareness of social and environmental issues grows, corporate responsibility and ethical practices have become more important than ever.
Balancing profit with social responsibility is far more difficult than most imagine.

10. Effective Communication

The digital age demands clear and transparent communication. Establishing open communication channels within organizations is critical.
Few organizations need more communication. All need better communication. It is about quality, not just quantity.

11. Product Development Superiority

Apple’s expertise in creating user-friendly, technologically advanced, and…

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3 Insightful Questions You Can Ask Today

3 Insightful Questions You Can Ask Today

The wrong question makes you look slow witted. Insightful questions ignite engagement.

Don’t make statements before asking at least one question.

Overconfidence kills curiosity.

People with all the answers don’t ask questions.

Insightful questions produce brilliant responses. Image of a pineapple with sunglasses.

Avoid quick answers:

Perhaps you’re concerned that questions make you look stupid. You’re right. Some questions do make you look stupid. But the right question makes you seem perceptive.

Respond slowly. Quick answers kill insightful questions. Worse yet, you look disconnected when your response misses the point.

Delay and dig. When someone stops talking, take a breath before you respond. Restate what they said. Ask an insightful question (especially if you think you know the answer).

Insightful questions produce brilliant responses.

Start with “what” or “how”:

Good questions don’t begin with verbs. A question that begins, “Don’t you think…,” is a search for agreement. People agree with the boss even when they disagree. Avoid questions that begin with…

  1. Do you agree…
  2. Isn’t it…
  3. Should we…
  4. Shouldn’t…

Delay and Dig. Delay making statements. Dig deep using insightful questions.

Encourage reflection with three insightful questions:

Ask one of the following questions before offering suggestions.

  1. What’s important to you about this? (Purpose)
  2. What’s causing you to bring this up? (Situation)
  3. If things were going perfectly, what would it look like? (Future)

When you ask about purpose, your response is more profound. When you ask about situations you seem caring. When you ask about the future you ignite energy.

One insightful question will make you seem perceptive.

What are some questions leaders could ask before offering suggestions?

What do you notice about the questions I listed?

Still curious:

Eye-opening Self-Reflection Questions for Leaders

Questions that Bring People to Life

How to Ask Great Questions

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How Powerful Feedback Really Works

How Powerful Feedback Really Works

Feedback is often code for criticism.

Improvement requires feedback but you clench when someone says, “I have some feedback for you.”

Feedback puts you on edge when it’s judgement.

Feedback done poorly creates resistance. Image of a person walking away.

How powerful feedback really works:

#1. Feedback isn’t advice.

Feedback focuses on the past. You see what you did. Advice is about the future.

Lousy advisors are saying, “Be like me.”

You might seek advice after receiving painful feedback.

Always use “s” when seeking advice. What are some way(s) to delegate, for example. Don’t give the impression you’re going to do everything someone suggests.

Everyone who pursues excellence craves feedback. Image of chocolates.

#2. Feedback requires observation.

If you didn’t see it, you can’t provide feedback. You can repeat what others say, but that’s hearsay and gossip.

If you haven’t seen it, don’t enable gossip to govern your input. Yes, reports from experienced team members can be useful, but don’t call it feedback. Say, “This is what I was told.”

Hold the mirror…

  1. Your transitions helped me follow the theme of your presentation.
  2. I noticed you looked at your feet when you introduced yourself.
  3. You frowned when you brought up a difficult topic.
  4. You interrupted people during the meeting.
  5. You delegated a task that didn’t get done.
  6. You were late for our meeting.
  7. You spoke freely when responding to questions.

#3. Feedback isn’t evaluation.

Feedback enables improvement. Evaluation assesses performance based on established expectations.

Feedback enables informed decisions because it helps us see ourselves.

A friend said, “When you looked down during your presentation, I felt disconnected from you.” Before presenting I told him I was working on connecting with the audience. After the presentation I asked what he noticed that helped him feel connected with me. I also asked what I did that didn’t serve my goal. I received his feedback years ago, but I always remember it during presentations.

Everyone who pursues excellence craves feedback.

What makes feedback work?

Still curious:

Feedback: Solving the Most Common Failure in Leadership

Feedback: Do These 3 Things Before You Say a Word

5 Reasons Why Feedback is Important

The Vagrant provides structured self-reflection exercises that smooth the path forward for leaders. Order your copy today:

Amazon

Barnes & Noble

Books-A-Million

IndieBound/Bookshop.org

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5 Simple Ways to Change Your Life

5 Simple Ways to Change Your Life

Change is hard because we make it hard. Change your life by rejecting things that make change hard.

You can't change your life by doing the same things. Image of a cranberry in a crack.

Five things make change easier:

#1. Know what you want, specifically.

Ambiguous goals make change unlikely. You won’t change until you’re crystal clear about one new thing you intend to do today that produces change. It’s helpful to stop something. It’s necessary to do differently.

#2. Aim low.

Change is hard when you aim high. Over-confidence defeats everyone eventually.

#3. Stop people-pleasing.

You won’t change when other people govern the way you think about yourself.

#4. Give up on quick change.

Impatience makes change frustrating. You can’t change your life in a day. Go to the gym three times a week for a month and things will change.

#5. Seek help before you need it.

Going alone makes change unlikely. The people who reach the highest get the most help. You don’t think Taylor Swift does everything herself, do you?

5 simple ways to change your life:

You can’t change your life by doing the same things.

#1. Change the way you talk to yourself.

Beating yourself down doesn’t lift you up. Encourage yourself like you encourage a first-grader. The language you use sets the trajectory of your life.

#2. Change the way you talk to others.

Your words invite responses. Anger invites resistance. Defeated language doesn’t instill confidence.

#3. Change the way you think about money.

Give some of your money away today. Tight-fisted people live small unsatisfying lives.

#4.  Change the way you get up.

Morning rituals set the trajectory of your day. When you start frantic you live stressed. Choose how you show up before you show up.

Image of a group of happy people.

#5. Change your friends.

Your world expands when you understand yourself in connection, not isolation.

Which of the above ideas seems most useful to you today?

How can we make change easier?

You Can’t Change Your Life until You Change Your Life – Becoming Minimalist

The Vagrant provides structured self-reflection exercises that will smooth the path forward for leaders. Order your copy today:

Amazon

Barnes & Noble

Books-A-Million

IndieBound/Bookshop.org

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