Category: Leadership

Wisdom From Three Stoics for Leaders

The Stoics are popular today because they believed in self-development, resilience, and focusing on things within your control.

Wisdom from the Stoics for Leaders:

The reason learning is hard:

Life is hard when you learn slowly.

“Throw out your conceited opinions, for it is impossible for a person to begin to learn what he thinks he already knows.” Epictetus, Discourses, 2.17.1

That clicking sound you hear is the sound of everyone’s brain turning off when you show up with all the answers.

You learn when you ask questions.

Application: Show up stupid.

Keep track of how many questions you ask in conversations. Set a goal to begin and end conversations with a question.

Begin conversations with, “What would you love to take away from our conversation?” End with, “What’s your takeaway from our conversation?”

Don’t let brilliance prevent learning. Debono said it best, “Those who think they know, don’t.”

The path to tranquility:

People who can’t say no live frantic lives.

“If you seek tranquility, do less. Or (more accurately) do what’s essential.” Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 4.22.

High aspiration people squander their talent by doing too much.

Application: Help people identify essentials.

When people feel stressed ask, “What do you need to stop?”

Refocus on the big picture when people feel confused. “What are you trying to achieve?”

Help the overwhelmed by asking, “What’s one thing you can do today to move the agenda forward?”

The reluctance to confessing faults:

Denial and defensiveness indicate blind spots.

“Why will no man confess his faults? Because he is still in their grasp…” Seneca, Letters from a Stoic, #LII.

Application: They might be right.

When someone hints you have a fault ask yourself, “How might this be right?” Or “What am I doing that led someone to think this?”

Which bit of wisdom from the Stoics would you love leaders to embrace today?

Which bit of wisdom from the Stoics are you already practicing? How has it helped you?

Still curious:

3 Surprising Quotes from Sir Edmund Hillary that Contradict Established Thinking

7 Reasons to Live

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3 Challenges an Introvert Faces in Leadership

“There are two categories of people in the world, those who divide the world into two categories and those who don’t.” Unattributed

I was asked what I would say to introverts who aspire to leadership. It seems like introversion might hinder you in leadership. My reply, “If you’re an introvert, good for you. Introverts make great leaders. Yes, they face challenges. Who doesn’t?”

Thank Carl Jung if you’ve been labeled an introvert (1923). And his theory of personality is foundational to The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (1940s).

Don’t use any label as an excuse for incompetence in any core leadership skill. Leadership can be learned.

3 challenges an introvert faces in leadership:

#1. Intimidation:

You might question your ability to lead if you avoid the front of the room. Don’t let that bother you. Great leaders help others rise.

Suggestions:

1. Use exposure therapy. Talk in front of people every chance you get.
2. Encourage people on your team to rise. We love leaders who help us shine.
3. Give yourself some encouragement. Negative self-talk defeats people.
4. Build on small success. If you can speak in front of 10 you can speak in front of 1,000.

#2. Bias:

Quietness seems weak. Extroverts seem confident.

“… 65% of senior corporate executives viewed introversion as a barrier to leadership…” (HBR)

Suggestions:

1. Anticipate questions and develop responses before you need them.
2. Avoid defensiveness when you speak up. Focus on the message. What’s important?
3. Ask open questions when you listen. Perceptive questions project confidence.
4. Validate others, but don’t say, “I wish I was confident like you.”
5. Seek feedback on things you do that might project weakness.

#3. Misjudgment:

You might be labeled negative because your think-face is your stink-face.

Suggestion:

Nod and smile when people talk to you. My friend tells me to stop frowning. Raise your eyebrows.

What suggestions do you have for the “quiet people” who aspire to lead?

Are you a “quiet person”? How did you rise to leadership?

Still curious:

The Scariest Thing about Introverts

What’s Wrong with Introverts

How Introverts Succeed in an Extrovert World

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Our world is brimming with advice and advice givers. From the best books to read, the hottest stocks to buy, to the most effective weight loss strategies, everyone seems to have a suggestion. But here’s the catch – the question of credibility is paramount. It’s not just about what is being recommended, but who is doing the recommending.

Expertise matters. In an age where information is as abundant as it is accessible, the real challenge lies not in finding advice, but in finding advice worth following. “Though leadership” has become an overused bromide, and rather than bestowed by others (as it should be), it is often made by the supposed “thought leader” as a self-aggrandizing claim.

Consider the difference between a friend recommending a stock based on a hunch and a seasoned financial analyst with years of successful investing under their belt. Or the difference between a celebrity-endorsed diet plan and one created by a registered dietitian. The weight of their expertise—or lack thereof—significantly affects the value of their advice.

Beware the enticing invite from an unknown source. Learn to discern the credible from the questionable. Look for evidence of their expertise: certifications, publications and actual successes. Nassim Taleb said the best way to find a financial advisor is to learn if they’ve invested in what they’re recommending, i.e. they have skin in the game.

Good advice comes from good advisors. Anyone can offer information, but only the credible can offer information that is relevant, applicable and beneficial.

Seek out those who really know, not those who think they know In a world eager to offer advice, the expertise of the advice giver is essential.

 

Mark Sanborn is motivational keynote speaker and Leadership Expert in Residence at High Point University, the Premier Life Skills University. His presentations help the best leaders get better and inspire listeners to choose to be extraordinary. For more information about his work, visit www.marksanborn.com.

Author: Mark Sanborn

Mark is recognized globally as an expert on leadership, customer service and organizational performance. A member of the National Speakers Association Speaker Hall of Fame, he is the author of 8 books including the international bestseller, The Fred Factor: How Passion in Your Work and Life Can Turn the Ordinary Into the Extraordinary. Mark teaches his clients to BE EXTRAORDINARY™.

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3 Ways to Jumpstart One-On-Ones

The lumberjack said if his life depended upon his ability to cut down a tree in five minutes he would spend three minutes sharpening his axe. QI

Don’t have one-on-ones if you don’t have time to prepare.

You can prepare in minutes.

3 ways to jumpstart developmental one-on-ones:

#1. Quiet your spirit.

Don’t say, “I’ll be right with you,” when someone shows up for a one-on-one with you. Is the person you’re talking with worth three minutes of preparation?

Your pile of tasks is always pressing. Quiet your spirit a few times every day.

Three ways to tell someone they don’t matter:

1. Let’s hurry up. I have a lot on my plate.
2. I don’t have much time, let’s get down to business.
3. I have to reschedule.

Who is likely to bring their best? Someone who feels important or someone who feels like a bother.

#2. Review your notes.

You won’t remember previous conversations.

I use OneNote for notetaking during coaching conversations. It’s searchable and I write on the screen of my Surface.

Taking notes lets people know you’re paying attention. On the downside, they wonder what you’re writing. Solve this by explaining the reason you take notes and the type of notes you take.

7 things to track during one-on-ones:

1. Personal updates. Things outside of work.
2. Wins since your last meeting.
3. Ongoing concerns, theirs and yours.
4. Personal goals. Your service to others begins with understanding their goals.
5. Action steps.
6. Follow-up items.
7. Key takeaways. Ask, “What’s your takeaway from this meeting?”

#3. Show up stupid.

Cast out your inner fixer.

Don’t accept people’s monkeys.

Ask forward-facing questions like, “What does it look like if you succeed today?” This week? This month?

What’s most important to you when you prepare for one-on-ones?

What can you add to the above list?

Still curious:

A Simple Reusable One-On-One Plan

5 Energizing Conversation Starters for One-on-Ones

How to Stop Wasting Time in One-on-Ones

How to Make Your One-on-Ones with Employees More Productive

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4 Ways Sadness Leads to Gladness

Sadness bangs on the door like uninvited relatives. You pretend you don’t hear the annoyance, but they keep a knocking. Maybe you pretend you’re happy to see them.

Reacting to something gives it control over you.

What if sadness leads to gladness?

4 ways sadness leads to gladness:

The path from sad to glad is a roundabout route. You sail east to get west.

#1. Sadness leads to gladness when you acknowledge sadness is part of life.

Deadlines are missed. Plans fall through. And sometimes you just wake up feeling blue.

There’s nothing wrong with feeling down. Sometimes you’re tired. Other times, you heard bad news. Give yourself a break. You don’t have to sing “Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah” when you lose a client. If it sucks, it sucks. And sometimes life sucks.

Tip: It’s leaderly to keep smiling. Don’t drag others into your dark space.

#2. Sadness leads to gladness when it motivates self-reflection.

Don’t ruminate. Practice structured self-reflection. Write a few lines in your journal.

1. What does sadness want me to know about myself? Others? The world?
2. I will rest by….
3. How long have I felt blue?
4. What’s one thing I can do today to build the life I hope to enjoy in the future?

#3. Sadness leads to gladness when you loosen your grip on control.

You control a few things. Don’t play dead because you can’t control everything.

Surrender is freeing.

Choose to live with an open hand instead of a clenched fist.

#4. Sadness leads to gladness when you receive support with gratitude.

Dark glasses might cause you to devalue the support you receive. Your team wants you to thrive. So does your boss. Someone in the world is ready to help you thrive.

Notice supporters.

What do you do when you wake up feeling blue?

What do you do when team members feel blue?

Related articles:

3 Ways to Confront Unrealistic Optimism

Growth after trauma (apa.org)

“The Vagrant,” teaches people how to engage in structured self-reflection. I encourage you to get your copy today. The story is compelling and the exercises at the end set readers on a life-changing journey. Click here to purchase, The Vagrant, on Amazon.

Everything changes when we change the way we think about ourselves.

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5 Ways to Practice Vulnerability for Leaders

Vulnerability and relationship-building show up at the same dance. Courageously let yourself be seen if you want rich relationships. But oversharing pushes people away.

How much is too much?

You overshare when you…

1. Tell irrelevant personal stories.
2. Share tales that reveal something harmful about another person.
3. Listeners cringe. A cringe-worthy story didn’t work.
4. Share long stories about yourself.
5. Elevate yourself. I’ve overcome so much. See how great I am.

Vulnerability for leaders:

#1. Perfection is off putting:

Perfection is a myth. Vulnerability tells people you’re human. They can relate to you. Fakery is spotted quickly and easily.

People put on masks when you always have it together. Faking is draining.

#2. Whining isn’t being vulnerable.

Don’t tell people your life sucks so they will feel sorry for you. The point of sharing personal stories is connecting, not sympathy.

Let yourself be seen.

#3. Overcoming makes you beautiful.

Go ahead and tell me you have stage fright when you’re giving an engaging presentation. Don’t use it as an excuse when you’re boring.

#4. The struggle makes you respect-worthy.

How do you feel when someone says they’re sober 71 days?

Tell people you’re learning how to delegate better. Explain that running meetings is a challenge, but you’re working on it.

#5. Personal stories strengthen connection.

Isolation is the enemy. Successful leaders connect. The purpose of vulnerability is to foster relationships.

Connection is built on personal stories. Share something about yourself today.

What does oversharing look like to you?

What are healthy guidelines for practicing vulnerability?

Still curious:

7 Powers of Vulnerability

4 Ways to Let Yourself be Seen without Oversharing

The Best Leaders Aren’t Afraid to Be Vulnerable (hbr.org)

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How to See Like a Leader

“The greatest thing a human soul ever does in this world is to see something, and tell what it saw in a plain way…” John Ruskin

You do not see like a leader until you see yourself.

How to see like a leader:

#1. Honestly explore yourself.

Explore your biases. Daniel Kahneman’s book, “Thinking, Fast and Slow,” disoriented me. Cognitive bias is a discomforting thought that I love to ignore.

When you hear something new, you feel you already knew it.

You attribute success to yourself and failure to others.

“Leaders who have been lucky are never punished for having taken too much risk. Instead, they are believed to have had the flair and foresight to anticipate success, and the sensible people who doubted them are seen in hindsight as mediocre, timid, and weak.” Daniel Kahneman

Suggestion: Practice structured self-reflection. Ask yourself a set of predetermined questions that speak to relevant issues. Don’t simply sit under a tree thinking whatever comes to mind.

#2. Repeatedly say, “I could be wrong.”

I’ll speak for myself. I’ve been right all my life. It’s shocking to think I could be wrong now. I evaluate myself through the lens of my strengths and others by their weaknesses.

Humility is the best thing that bubbles up when I could be wrong.

Humility is a way of seeing myself.

#3. Consistently expand your perspective.

Your view is the right view until you see through the eyes of another. You still could be right, but at least you’ve evaluated.

Suggestion: Ask people for their perspective. Don’t simply dismiss it. Reflect on it. Ask questions.

#4. Regularly monitor your emotions.

The world looks darker when you’re tired. People seem like problems when you’re stressed. You ignore almost everything when you’re afraid.

You see like a leader when you see things as they are. It begins with seeing yourself.

How could you see like a leader today?

What prevents people from seeing like leaders?

Still curious:

Leadership Identity – Self-Perception Determines How You Lead

How to Bridge the Unseen Gap between Perception and Intent

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Painful Experiences: 5 Ways to Gain Advantage

Find strength through painful experiences.

Ease brings weakness.

10 advantages of painful experiences:

1. Clarity that comes from seeing darkness.
2. Strength by pushing through pain.
3. Authenticity through self-discovery.
4. Empathy for others through personal struggle.
5. Perspective by embracing frailty.
6. Flexibility through learning to adapt.
7. Humility that comes from seeking help.
8. Emotional strength that results from bouncing back.
9. Presence that comes through noticing daily life.
10. Gratitude that comes from learning to savor small moments of joy.

 3 growth blockers:

Catastrophizing: people who magnify negativity and imagine worst possible consequences collapse under the weight of negative imagination.

Ruminating: people who dwell on painful thoughts, memories, and experiences. Constantly beating yourself down blocks growth.

Avoidance of discomfort: People who always choose ease over challenge grow weak.

5 ways to gain advantage through painful experiences:

#1. Eliminate catastrophizing. Notice when you are leaping to the worst possible conclusion. Noticing is freeing.

#2. Practice structured reflection. Read: Eye-opening Self-Reflection Questions for Leaders. (Our book, The Vagrant, is the story of a leader who learned to see himself differently.)

#3. Learn, don’t judge. Ask, “What can I learn from this painful experience?”

#4. Seek support before you need it. If you can reach your goal on your own, you need a higher goal. Read: 4 Ways to Seek Help Before You Need It

#5. Search for the silver lining. Ask, “How can I use this experience as a stepping stone instead of a setback?”

Bonus: Focus on things you have power over. Make a list of things you can control and carry it in your pocket.

Leadership Tip:

Hire people who have done hard things. Even better, hire people who enjoy challenge. Low headcount with tough minded people is better than high headcount with quitters.

What can you add to the list of ways to gain advantage through painful experiences?

What are some ways to show compassion for people who are in painful experiences?

Still curious:

Growth Hurts: Create Positive Discomfort

How Painful Experiences Changed the Trajectory of a Fortune 300 CEO

The utilization of adventure based programming to foster posttraumatic growth within a veteran population: A mixed methods study

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5 Unexpected Questions Before Remote Teams Meet in Person

Leaders neglect the most important questions to ask before remote teams meet in person. The questions leaders remember:

1. What’s the purpose of the meeting? Too many purposes dilute effectiveness.
2. What do we want to accomplish? Remember a meeting filled with reports is soul sucking.
3. How will we break the ice? We arrive at meetings skeptical about icebreakers.

5 unexpected questions before remote teams meet in person:

#1. How can we create vibrant environments?

Play music when people arrive and during breaks. Stop treating meetings like funerals. Be creative with setup, lighting, and food.

Plan a surprise or two.

#2. How do we want to feel about each other?

Leaders neglect the “feelings” question. 

Emotions are energy. Dull meetings lack emotion because no one thought about how people will feel listening to updates all day. (Unless updates add meaning to work and relationships.)

Work is misery when we love the work and hate the people.

Highlight interdependencies.

People forget they need others to succeed. Reflect on ways to make work easier for others. (Not how they can make it easier for you, how you can make it easier for them.)

Why meet if everyone can succeed on their own?

#3. How can we nurture relationships?

People aren’t your greatest resource, trusting relationships are.

#4. How will we maximize physical movement?

Skip the travel when face-to-face meetings are exactly the same as online meetings.

A day of sitting is exhausting.

#5. How can team members contribute to the success of the meeting?

Everyone wants to contribute. Let them. Plan it. Expect it. People walk away excited about the meeting if they contribute. Think about something more than giving a report.

Some of my clients noticed the value of watercooler conversations when they returned to the office. Short spontaneous conversations bring variety and velocity to work.

What are some problems to avoid when remote teams meet in person?

What are ways to enrich experiences when remote teams meet in person?

Still curious:

10 Steps to an Offsite that isn’t Pathetic

3 Words that Make Meetings Great

People Are Not Your Greatest Asset (hbr.org)

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The Secret of Success Isn’t Good Fortune, Hard Work, or Talent

Most answers to the secret of success are dissatisfying.

We want hope. When someone’s balloon rises, we want to believe we can rise too. When others earn promotions, make money, or garner respect – and we don’t – we search for the secret of success.

We don’t usually say, “Tell me how to be like you.”

We ask…

1. What is your advice for people starting out?
2. How can I get ahead in my organization?
3. What can I do to build my business?

3 dissatisfying answers to the secret of success:

#1. Good fortune:

“I’ve been fortunate,” means the secret of success is like rolling dice.

Good fortune is part of success. Jay Elliot met Steve Jobs – by chance – on the day his new job disintegrated.

Raise your hand if good fortune has been part of your journey. Someone cared for you. You had opportunities because of family. You were at the right place at the right time. A wise advisor said something that shifted your trajectory. For Doug Conant, former CEO of Campbell’s Soup, it was Neil MacKenna.

#2. Talent:

You’re born with talent. You can’t control it. Yes, you develop it. But you can’t order it at the talent store.

Good fortune and talent are disappointing secrets to success.

#3. Hard work:

Most people who ask about success are in two categories. One group wants easy success. The other group is working hard but not rising.

Many people work hard all their lives and don’t rise.

Gary Vaynerchuk said, “Hard work is the only real “secret to success” out there – but a lot of people these days are demonizing it.”

Hard work isn’t a secret of success. It’s a given. But what to do when hard work doesn’t work?

Beyond the big three (Good fortune, talent, and hard work), what is the secret of success from your point of view?

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