3 Ways to Expose Deceptive Emotions

3 Ways to Expose Deceptive Emotions

Things that feel good can be bad. Emotions lead you astray – sometimes.

When bad feels good:

  1. Lying to get out of a jam. (The First Time I Told a Lie at Work)
  2. Calling in sick when you’re healthy.
  3. Driving over 100 mph in your two-seat sports car.

In the moment, it felt good to lie to my boss. Going fast doesn’t feel good. It feels great – until you drive through a speed trap.

Emotions lead you astray - sometimes. Image of a worried person lost in the woods.Emotions lead you astray - sometimes. Image of a worried person lost in the woods.

3 Ways to expose deceptive emotions:

#1. Think long-term.

Discipline feels good later. In the moment it might suck. Saying, “No,” often feels bad. But freedom from entanglement feels great. Putting your fork down when you’re full and desert is exploding your tastebuds is good but feels lousy.

Some decisions feel good later but in the moment they’re like chewing gravel. Some decisions feel bad later, overeating for example.

Actions create emotions. Image of a toddler exercising.Actions create emotions. Image of a toddler exercising.

#2. Think sequence.

Actions create emotions.

Do what you lack.

Work-out when you’re tired because you get energy when you give energy (to a limit of course).

Love when it feels hard.

Love people before they love you. Don’t keep score. Kindness is beautiful especially when harshness feels good.

Pride says, “Don’t forgive.” Feelings say, “But they wronged you; they don’t deserve it.”

You are judged the way you judge others. I needle my friends who are 1 minute late for a meeting. Guess what my friends do when I’m 1-minute late?

Press through when quitting feels good.

You gave your first presentation, even though you wanted to puke.

If you graduated from college, you learned to ignore deceptive emotions. You probably felt like quitting, but you’re glad you pressed through.

Some decisions are good when they feel bad.

#3. Think influence.

You can’t control emotions.

You can influence them by taking actions that serve long-term interests.

What tools help people navigate deceptive emotions?

Still curious:

5 Ways to Manage Emotions that Distort Perception

The Positive Value of Negative Emotions

It’s So Wrong But It Feels So Right

Like this:

Like Loading…



Continue reading

Farther, Faster, and Far Less Drama

Farther, Faster, and Far Less Drama

Book Giveaway!!

20 copies available!!

Leave a comment on this guest post by Janice Fraser and Jason Fraser to become eligible for one of 20 complimentary copies of their new book, Farther, Faster, and Far Less Drama.

Deadline for eligibility is 04/17/2022. International winners will receive electronic version.

Farther, faster: Lack of clarity is a pernicious roadblock to progress. Image of a road closed.Farther, faster: Lack of clarity is a pernicious roadblock to progress. Image of a road closed.

Effective leaders use Four Leadership Motions to advance with ease and navigate complexity. Navy SEALs use them. Even the neighborhood watch uses them.

Motions are things leaders can DO in any situation to make progress faster, farther, with less chaos. They’re like duct tape: versatile, reliable, and tenacious in the face of resistance.                                                                   

THE FOUR LEADERSHIP MOTIONS 

Motion 1: Orient Honestly. 

Lack of clarity is a pernicious roadblock to progress.

Define the current situation fully and honestly – including the unpleasant bits leaders prefer to overlook. Leaders know how to set goals, but forget to name the complication in the current situation.

Orienting Honestly makes accelerating progress exponentially easier. 

Motion 2: Value Outcomes. 

When you value plans above outcomes, you can easily confuse effort with achievement.

On-time, on-budget completion of tasks and deliverables is less important than achieving the outcomes you want. Value Outcomes calls leaders to ensure outcomes (not just deliverables) are the top priority. 

Motion 3: Leverage the Brains. 

Great leaders know that they only see the world from their limited perspective.

They engage collaborators with varied experiences to solve problems and invent solutions. Great leaders work with people, not at people. 

Motion 4: Make Durable Decisions. 

This final motion reduces wasted time, effort, and patience in group decisions. You can’t know if there’s a “right decision.” Instead of seeking consensus on which choice is “best,” look for a choice that everyone can live with that makes strong progress toward the desired outcome.

What enables leaders to move farther, faster, with far less drama?

Janice and Jason Fraser are the authors of Farther, Faster, and Far Less Drama, which was released today. The book outlines their groundbreaking new leadership model that focuses on The Four Leadership Motions and empowers greater alignment and quicker decision-making. Drawing on nearly three decades of coaching hundreds of leaders and teams to achieve success, Janice is a Senior Strategist and Advisor to large organizations in becoming more innovative and agile, and she also guides several venture-funded startup companies, federal government entities, and non-profit organizations, helping them do more with less, make bold moves, and achieve extraordinary results. Jason leads a team at VMware of more than…

Continue reading

5 “Dangers” of Psychological Safety

5 “Dangers” of Psychological Safety

I married my high school sweetheart. Neither of us had any idea what we were getting into. It’s been delightful until this afternoon.

My bride came to my office to let me know she was taking a walk. It seemed innocent. The trouble started after she bent to kiss me. She pulled back my electric heater that was warming my bare toes as she stood. She did this instinctively and without permission.

She touched my heater without thinking because of psychological safety. Image of a bright flower.She touched my heater without thinking because of psychological safety. Image of a bright flower.

While she walked away, I casually asked, “What gives you the right to touch my heater?” She said, “It was too close to the desk.” We both laughed. I said, “That’s not what I asked.” We laughed with more gusto and then she flashed a smile. Her smile is a violation of the Geneva Conventions. She knows her smile turns me to playdoh and that ended the conversation.

She touched my heater – without thinking – because of psychological safety.

Psychological Safety:

Psychological safety is the belief that you speak up without fear of embarrassment, retribution, or punishment.

Read, The Fearless Organization, by Amy Edmondson.

5 “Dangers” of psychological safety:

  1. Honesty. People will speak their mind.
  2. Creativity. People won’t tow the line. They will offer interesting alternatives.
  3. Initiative. People will do things without permission.
  4. Feedback. You will know where you stand.
  5. Disagreement. Bobble heads will stop bobbling.

Bonus: People will touch your toe-heater without asking.

Sentence starters that build safety:

Statements:

  1. “I value your perspective and want to hear your thoughts.”
  2. “Mistakes happen. It’s important to learn from them.”
  3. “We’re in this together.”

Questions:

  1. “What can I do to build psychological safety on our team?”
  2. “How can I support you?”
  3. “What do leaders do that makes it uncomfortable to speak up?”
  4. “What are you learning?”

How might leaders build trust?

Still curious:

How to Build Teams that Trust Each Other

Let go – 4 Remedies for Exhausted Control Freaks

Where Talent Thrives or Dies – How to Build Effective Teams

Psychological safety and leadership development

Like this:

Like Loading…



Continue reading

Powerful Motivation from a Toothbrush

Powerful Motivation from a Toothbrush

The American Dental Association recommends brushing your teeth two minutes twice a day. Your teeth are 26% cleaner if you brush the recommended time instead of the average 45 seconds.

My rechargeable toothbrush smiles at me. If I miss the mark a little, I get half a smile.  By a lot, I’m persecuted with a frown. When I feel rebellious, I brush for 30 seconds to irritate the dang thing. I’m brushing my teeth better because my toothbrush smiles at me when I do a good job.

Motivation from a toothbrush. Image of rechargeable toothbrush.Motivation from a toothbrush. Image of rechargeable toothbrush.

I asked my wife if she is brushing better. She said, “Yes,” And laughed because she knew what I was getting at. “Weird isn’t it.” I think we’re both zombies of the state manipulated by smiling toothbrushes.

Motivation by a smile:

Stop frowning so much. You look displeased when you frown. It makes people worry.

I met a guy at the gym who smiles. I liked him before I introduced myself. I don’t know if he’s a jerk. Maybe he’s a mass murderer, but he has a delightful countenance. When I reached out to shake his hand, he lit up. I hope he wasn’t testing me for tenderness.

Results are the cake. Relationships building heats the oven. Image of a bunt cake.Results are the cake. Relationships building heats the oven. Image of a bunt cake.

A smile says:

  1. “I like you.” Do you like the people on your team? If you don’t, find a way to like them. If you can’t, find a new team. Life is too short to be surrounded by people you don’t like.
  2. “You’re doing a good job.” Maybe people aren’t doing a good job, so you frown at them. My toothbrush experience suggests frowning is negative motivation.
  3. “I have confidence in you.” Ask yourself who loves working for you. Someone who thinks you have confidence in them. Or someone who believes you don’t like them.

If toothbrushes provide motivation, you can.

What does motivation look like for you today?

Still curious:

5 Secrets to Working Relationships

7 Relationship Building Rules for Results-Driven Leaders

The Implications of Smiling at Work

Like this:

Like Loading…



Continue reading

My Wife Fixed Our Toilet Handle with a Paper Clip

My Wife Fixed Our Toilet Handle with a Paper Clip

My wife fixed our toilet handle with a paper clip. It broke again the next morning, so I lifted the tank lid and pulled the chain. Then I went to the gym. It was fixed again when I returned. There’s something disappointing about a wife that fixes toilets. She loves mowing grass, too.

A man needs a purpose greater than eating, sleeping, and doing his personal business in the bathroom. I redeemed myself in the afternoon. I went to the hardware store and chose a new toilet handle. (There were so many to choose from.)

It was a tough afternoon. I thought about taking a nap. But then I realized she might install the new handle without me. I forced myself to press forward in spite of my fatigue.

The dang bar on the new toilet handle was too long. The instructions said, “Cut it with a hacksaw.” I made the arduous trip to the garage, but the blade was dull. I grew more fatigued. Fortunately, the bar was brass. Brass is brittle. I broke the bar to the proper length and installed it. Then I took a nap.

Leadership lesson from fixing a toilet handle with a paper clip:

  1. Humility. Do menial jobs.
  2. Initiative. Don’t wait for others to do menial jobs.
  3. Creativity. Find a way to fix it.
  4. Persistence. Fix it again.
  5. Attention to detail. Keep looking in the toilet tank until you figure out why it won’t flush.

My leadership lesson:

Marry someone who can fix toilets and mow grass.

What lessons can you derive from fixing a toilet with a paper clip?

Need more help:

Toilet Repair 101: How to Fix the 5 Most Common Toilet Problems

How to Leverage the Power of Imagination to Develop Leaders

Like this:

Like Loading…



Continue reading

Meetings – Proctologists – and Shock Collars

Meetings – Proctologists – and Shock Collars

Meetings are like working out, best when you’re done.

Meetings are like Sunday-night insomnia. The dread that you’ll be exhausted Monday keeps you awake.

Good meetings are useful but still feel like the sound of latex gloves in your proctologist’s office.

Meetings are like working out, best when you're done. Image of a person doing pushups.Meetings are like working out, best when you're done. Image of a person doing pushups.

Bad meetings:

Bad meetings are better than good meetings because you can dream with your eyes open, pretend you are taking notes while answering email, and send a text to your friend across the room making fun of people who like meetings.

I know we need meetings, but I can’t seem to remember why. And that is the problem. The purpose of meetings is seldom clear enough to be declared in a sentence that means anything. State the purpose of your meeting at the beginning.

The purpose of weekly tactical meetings is to ensure the geese are in formation and flying in the right direction. I know it’s necessary, but I don’t like the sound of it.

Lower stress: Adopt a 50-minute hour. Take a short break between meetings. Image of a clock.Lower stress: Adopt a 50-minute hour. Take a short break between meetings. Image of a clock.

The 4 things tactical meetings should accomplish:

#1. Accountability.

You aren’t meeting to inform. You are meeting to let people know the results you are accountable to achieve. Ask people to declare their priority this week. “You can count on me to ____________ this week. You can ask me about it anytime. Send me a text asking how it’s going. I will have this done before our next tactical meeting.”

One priority is best. Anyone with more than three priorities for a week will fail.

#2. Support.

What challenges are you facing this week? Who at the table might be able to help? When someone says, I think I can help with that, don’t let them explain the solution to everyone at the table. Send the geese offline. Brief explanations are all that’s needed in the meeting.

#3. Development.

Use 5 or 10 minutes to develop people. Come up with 5 ways to improve meetings and commit to implementing one improvement in your next meeting.

Everyone at the table excels at something. Leverage their excellence. Someone is exceptional at tough conversations. Ask them to share their strategy and techniques.

#4. Inspiration.

Have brag-time before you leave the room.

  1. Brag about team members who aren’t in the room.
  2. Say something good about someone else in the room.
  3. Explain something you or your team accomplished last week.

Just call it brag time. Aren’t you proud of something you got done? I hope so. Aren’t…

Continue reading

Disappointment – Navigating a Delightful Past

Disappointment – Navigating a Delightful Past

Sweet memories marred by bitter realities are ice cream cones sprinkled with dead flies. 10 years ago, your team pulled you forward. Today you’re teaching fish to climb trees. Yesterday pouring into others produced enthusiasm and loyalty. But now, you’re knifed in the back.

The end is here when disappointment exceeds aspiration. Image of a sad kitten.The end is here when disappointment exceeds aspiration. Image of a sad kitten.

Lingering on past joy causes self-defeat when:

  1. You impose unrealistic expectations on people. Today’s team isn’t yesterday’s. They feel disrespected when you compare them to former teams.
  2. Entitlement deenergizes enthusiasm. Progress seemed easier yesterday. Why is it so hard today?
  3. The peak-end rule pollutes your perspective. We have a bias to judge experiences based on their peak. You say, “Last week was great.” But you reached one big goal on Tuesday. You say, “Last week sucked.” But you had one terrible confrontation that cast a shadow over everything.
  4. Overconfidence inspires you to underestimate challenges.
  5. Rigid thinking makes you slow to adapt. If it worked in the past it will work in the present. But that’s only true in a world where nothing changes.

Live up to your aspiration, not down to your disappointment. Image of a calf looking at the screen.Live up to your aspiration, not down to your disappointment. Image of a calf looking at the screen.

Disappointment: obsessed with the past:

Dwelling on the past destroys you. You’re defeated before you begin.

The end is here when disappointment exceeds aspiration.

Reflect on the way you process disappointment.

What’s true when people constantly talk about past pains?

  1. Rehashing offenses indicates lack of forgiveness, bitterness, and poor conflict resolution skills.
  2. Helplessness dominates perspective. You can’t change a negative past. Thinking of it sucks the life out of you. Or it may be justification for misery.
  3. You focus on things people have done to you instead of things you can do today. Often, people haven’t done anything to you. They just screwed up. They weren’t thinking about you at all.

How might leaders navigate disappointment?

How do you help others move through disappointment?

One more thing:

How to Live Up to Your Aspiration – Not Down to Your Disappointment

Like this:

Like Loading…



Continue reading

3 Reasons People Follow You

3 Reasons People Follow You

#1. People follow you because you believe in them.

The legendary basketball coach, John Wooden, believed in his players. Basketball was second. People were first. He treated people as individuals with value.

Belief is a source of inspiration. Someone believed you could rise, and you did. Maybe it was a parent, a teacher, a boss, or the guy up the street.

People follow you because you believe in them. Image of baby ducks looking at the screen.People follow you because you believe in them. Image of baby ducks looking at the screen.

Questions:

  1. Who do you believe in? Belief ignites potential. A team with a leader who doesn’t believe in them underperforms.
  2. How do you trust people? Practice accountability, but don’t hover. Delegate responsibility, not simply tasks.
  3. How are you investing in people?
  4. How can you notice and recognize growth and development? Leaders who believe in people cheer loudly when they get ahead.
  5. How can you provide feedback? Tough feedback lands softly when you trust people and people trust you.

#2. People follow you because they believe in where you’re going.

You want to save the whales, colonize Mars, or you want people to be judged by the content of their character.

“Help me make a billion dollars,” isn’t compelling for others. Be a person that people hitch their wagon to. Find people who want to go where you want to go.

People follow you because they believe in where you're going. Image of baby ducks following mother duck.People follow you because they believe in where you're going. Image of baby ducks following mother duck.

Questions:

  1. How otherish is your vision?
  2. Who cares about your vision?
  3. How can you shine the light on others, not yourself?
  4. How can you use language that touches people?

#3. People follow you because they believe in you.

We follow experts we trust.

There’s an old TV commercial that says, “When E.F. Hutton speaks, people listen.”

People trust you when they believe you can help them achieve the life they desire.

People follow you because they believe in you. Image of a duck looking at the screen.People follow you because they believe in you. Image of a duck looking at the screen.

Questions:

  1. What is your expertise?
  2. What are you consistently achieving?
  3. What do you do that others want to learn?

What is the most compelling reason we follow leaders?

Still curious:

15 Ways to Know Your CEO is Worthy of Being Followed

3 Ways to be a Leader Worth Following Today

7 Questions that Change the Way People Think

Are You a Leader Worth Following?



Continue reading

Could Artificial Intelligence Launch Missiles – I Asked ChatGPT

Could Artificial Intelligence Launch Missiles – I Asked ChatGPT

I asked the following question to ChatGPT, “What is dangerous about the development of artificial intelligence?”

Even artificial intelligence thinks AI is dangerous.

Artificial Intelligence says the development of AI is dangerous. Image of a robot hand reaching out to a human hand.Artificial Intelligence says the development of AI is dangerous. Image of a robot hand reaching out to a human hand.

5 Dangers of Artificial Intelligence according to ChatGPT:

  1. Unintended consequences: As AI becomes more advanced, it may become difficult to predict the unintended consequences of its actions. This could lead to AI making decisions that harm humans or the environment.
  2. Bias: AI systems can become biased if they are trained on biased data or programmed with biased algorithms. This can result in unfair or discriminatory decisions.
  3. Job displacement: The development of AI could result in significant job displacement, particularly in industries that rely heavily on manual labor or routine tasks.
  4. Security risks: As AI becomes more powerful, it may become easier for malicious actors to use it for nefarious purposes, such as cyberattacks or surveillance.
  5. Existential risks: Some experts warn that the development of AI could pose an existential risk to humanity if it becomes too powerful and autonomous, leading to a scenario in which AI decides to prioritize its own goals over those of humans.

Specific dangers of artificial intelligence:

I asked ChatGPT, “Could artificial intelligence learn how to shut down power grids, turn off the networks, or blow-up missiles while they are in their silos?”

ChatGPT responds:

“It is theoretically possible for AI to learn how to shut down power grids, turn off networks, or potentially even launch or disarm missiles….

Additionally, most modern infrastructure and military systems are designed with security measures in place to prevent unauthorized access and tampering. While it is possible that AI could potentially learn how to circumvent these security measures,…”

Time Magazine: The Only Way to Deal With the Threat From AI? Shut It Down

How concerned are you about the development of AI?

Like this:

Like Loading…



Continue reading

Complete These 10 Sentences Before Seeking Recommendations

Complete These 10 Sentences Before Seeking Recommendations

Uncertainty breeds gullibility. Frail people desire freedom from responsibility. Frustrated people sniff out confirming voices.

You can always find some fool to offer recommendations that feel good.

Stupid advice seems smart to the ears of inexperience. Ignorance is seduced by irrelevant experience. Don’t ask your dentist for advice about bunions unless they’re in your mouth.

Ignorance might believe madness is sanity. Foolish recommendations seem wise to desperation.

You can always find some fool to offer recommendations that feel good. Image of an OK sign.You can always find some fool to offer recommendations that feel good. Image of an OK sign.

10 sentences to complete before seeking recommendations:

A prepared advice-seeker gains self-respect. Thoughtful advice seeking earns the reputation of wisdom.

  1. “I’m deciding to….” Stupid advice seems right when goals are unclear.
  2. “I want….” Running toward is better than running away.
  3. “On a scale of 1:10 this decision is a….” (Lower the number by two.) Daniel Kahneman said, “Nothing is as important as you think it is while you’re thinking about it.”
  4. “I know….” Do your own legwork.
  5. “My decision will impact….” Know what you want for yourself and others. Isolation limits perception.
  6. “If I make a wrong decision….” All decisions have consequences.
  7. “If I don’t make a decision….” (See #3 above.)
  8. “I’ve already tried….” You may feel you’ve worked hard to achieve your goal when all you’ve done is worry.
  9. “Past experience has taught me….” Clarify what you know.
  10. “I believe I’m willing to consider alternatives because….” Don’t seek confirmation for your biases.

Great advice is often surprising. Image of a wide-eyed lemur.Great advice is often surprising. Image of a wide-eyed lemur.

Questions to ask when seeking recommendations:

  1. What are some options? Always seek multiple alternatives.
  2. Who else might I talk to? Always listen to more than one voice.
  3. What makes you think this will work? Provide opportunity to explore outcomes.
  4. What does the path forward look like? Always put the rubber on the road.

One final recommendation. Friends and family may not see their own biases. Seek advice from someone who doesn’t have a dog in the fight.

What strategies do you use when seeking advice?

When is seeking advice a bad idea?

Still curious:

How to Look Smart When Seeking Advice

Harvard researchers: How to ask for advice without being annoying

Great Advice for Leaders in Two Words

Like this:

Like Loading…



Continue reading