Category: Leadership

The 5 Skills Managers Must Master

David Dodson has an MBA from Stanford. He worked for McKenzie and Company. But he discovered what every manager knows, “… credentials are not skills.”

You learn about skills in books. You develop skills in the trenches. Dodson’s new book, The Manager’s Handbook, is for people with dirt under their fingernails.

The top 5 skills managers must master:

1. Build the team.

A manager’s success depends on others. If you still think it’s all about you, you’re doomed to exhaustion. The higher you go the more you depend on others.

1. Hire for outcomes.
2. Provide instant feedback.
3. Use 360-degree feedback.
4. Coach people.

2. Set priorities.

“If you were to succeed at only one thing and ignore everything else, what would that be?” Dodson
A person without priorities is driven by urgent trivialities.

1. Set KPIs (Key performance indicators.)
2. Generate a list of opportunities. Now cross almost everything off the list.

3. Guard time.

“It’s not enough to be busy. So are the ants. The question is, “What are you busy about?” Thoreau
A great month is built on a series of great days.

Dodson writes, “The creativity and insights that transform an organization seldom happen in the slivers between answering emails and responding to routine requests. They require uninterrupted blocks of time, free from low value transactional work.”

Time tips:

1. Check messages less often.
2. Shorten meetings.
3. Use the Eisenhower Matrix to guard time.

4. Seek and take advice.

Surround yourself with advisors. Look for…

1. Experience.
2. Pattern recognition. You repeat past frustrations until you notice what keeps coming back.
3. Time to give advice that stings on occasion.

5. Obsess over quality.

“Do what you do so well that they will want to see it again and bring their friends.” Walt Disney

Quality drives price.

Note: The manager’s top skills are connected to each other.

Which management skill is most relevant to you today? Why?

This post is based on my conversation with David Dodson and his new book, The Manager’s Handbook.

Purchase, The Manager’s Handbook. It’s practical and actionable.

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HOW TO OVERCOME NEGATIVE THOUGHTS

It’s natural to obsess over one bad thing and forget many good things. One problem, like one drop of poison, has the power to pollute everything.

Life is better than it seems for negative people.

Negative thoughts create a small box.

Negative thoughts:

Obsession over one negative quality clouds your judgment.

Suppose you have a team member who consistently arrives five minutes late for meetings. They’re great with people, highly skilled, and serve clients well.

Where would you be without Mr. Five Minutes Late? Does he bring value? If yes, stop obsessing over one negative quality.

What if timeliness is a hill you want to die on?

Because I said, “Stop obsessing over one negative quality,” you may have assumed I meant forget all about timeliness. ‘All or nothing thinking’ holds leaders back.

Rise above one-thing-thinking:

One way to stop obsessing over negative thoughts is to take specific action.

1. Obsess about honor and gratitude as much as you obsess over fixing problems.

2. Force yourself to think about the big picture.

3. Try a ‘just for today’ approach.

Just for today, let go of nagging Ms. Can’t-You-Show-Up-On-Time. Nag her tomorrow. Just for today, notice her value and contributions.

4. Explain your expectations and ask, “What can you do to arrive on time?” Listen for specific behaviors. “Try harder,” isn’t an answer.

5. Meet with Ms. Tardy 10 minutes before the meeting to discuss something else.

6. Schedule 50-minute meetings. Don’t force people to be late for their next appointment.

7. Don’t ask, “Why are you late?” Why questions invite excuses that force you to become an accuser.

Bonus: Make a list of all the positive contributions of Little Mr. Can’t-Show-Up-On-Time. Work to improve your own attitude.

Obsessing over negative thoughts:

1. Closes minds.
2. Distracts from positive behaviors.
3. Results in unbalanced judgment.
4. Makes you small.

What are your suggestions to stop obsessing over negative thoughts?

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How to Stop Negative Thoughts

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Cultivating Self-Awareness: An Essential of Effective Leadership

Introduction:

As a leader, I firmly believe that self-awareness is the cornerstone of effective leadership. In today’s fast-paced and ever-evolving business landscape, leaders who possess a deep understanding of themselves can navigate challenges with clarity, make informed decisions, and inspire their teams to do the same and achieve success.

Yet according to Gitnux, “Self-awareness is an important skill to have to be successful and happy. Unfortunately, statistics show that only 10-15% of people are truly self-aware, while 85% believe they are more aware than they actually are. Additionally, roughly 50-70% of people have a significant blind spot which can negatively impact their relationships and leadership skills.”

Korn Ferry says nearly 80% of leaders have blind spot. That’s not particularly surprising since most of us have blind spots, regardless of our roles. But a blind spot in a leader has a greater ripple affect, often impacting the people they lead.

The Importance of Self-Awareness:

Self-awareness is the ability to introspect and recognize our own thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. It empowers leaders to identify their strengths, weaknesses, values, and blind spots. By being conscious of our own impact on others, we can build strong relationships, foster a positive work environment, and make mindful choices that align with our vision and goals.

Types of Self-Awareness:

• Emotional Self-Awareness: This type of self-awareness involves recognizing and understanding our own emotions. Leaders who possess emotional self-awareness can manage their emotions effectively, remain calm in challenging situations, and respond empathetically to their team members’ needs. By being attuned to our emotions, we can create an environment where open communication and trust flourish.
• Social Self-Awareness: Social self-awareness refers to understanding how we are perceived by others. Leaders with social self-awareness have a keen sense of the impact of their words, actions, and body language on those around them. By honing this skill, we can adjust our communication style, build rapport, and inspire loyalty and collaboration within our teams.
• Strengths and Weaknesses Self-Awareness: Recognizing our strengths and weaknesses is crucial for effective leadership. Leaders who possess this self-awareness can leverage their strengths to drive success and seek support or delegate tasks that align with their weaknesses. By understanding our limitations, we can foster a culture of continuous learning and improvement within our organizations.

Developing Self-Awareness

Here are some of the most important tools for developing self-awareness.

• Reflection and Meditation: Carve out dedicated time for introspection and self-reflection. Engage in mindfulness practices or meditation to quiet the mind and gain deeper insights into your thoughts, emotions, and motivations.
• Feedback: Actively seek feedback from trusted colleagues, mentors, and team members. Encourage honest and constructive feedback to gain a comprehensive view of how your actions impact others.
• Journaling: Maintain a journal to capture your thoughts, experiences, and lessons learned. This practice can help you identify patterns, recognize triggers, and track your personal growth as a leader.
• Assessments and Tools: Utilize various self-assessment tools, such as…

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Books I’m Reading: Poetry, Wisdom, and Biography

Books fuel your soul.

Pour in so you can pour out. The more you pour in – the more you can pour out. An empty cup can’t contribute.

Books I’m reading:

I don’t punish myself by finishing a boring book. Other books are like old friends. I stop in for an occasional visit.

I read several books at once. Here are non-leadership books I’m reading.

Poetry books:

The Road Not Taken and Other Poems: (Penguin Classics Deluxe Edition), Robert Frost.

I mentioned this book on July 7, 2023. Half-Done Compassion

The Complete Poems: (Penguin Classics), Christina Rosetti.

She’s often dark. “Goblin Market,” is my favorite Rossetti poem.

The Collected Works of T.S. Eliot (featuring the Waste Land, 2 collections of poetry and more, all with an active table of contents) Kindle Edition.

Current favorite, “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock.”

Great Poems for Children Audible Audiobook.

I often read and listen to children’s books. Scarlett Johansson’s performance of Alice in Wonderland is the best performance of a children’s book I’ve ever listened to. The Timeless Tales of Beatrix Potter: Peter Rabbit and Friends, is runner up.

Wisdom books:

The Art of Worldly Wisdom (Illustrated) Kindle Edition by Balthasar Gracian.

Here’s a quote: “There are some men so devoid of purpose that they always require direction from others.”

The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living, Kindle Edition by Ryan Holiday.

I compare the translations of Marcus Aurelius with the Gregory Hays translation of Meditations. Meditations: A New Translation (Modern Library) Kindle Edition.

The Bible.

I usually use the English Standard Version.

Biography:

Oliver Wendell Holmes: A Life in War, Law, and Ideas Audible Audiobook – Unabridged by Stephen Budiansky.

First Man: The Life of Neil A. Armstrong Audible Audiobook – Unabridged by James R. Hansen.

What books are you reading?

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The #1 Self-Defeating Behavior That Brings Leaders Down

The faster you stop holding yourself back the more your life will matter.

Other people aren’t your biggest challenge. You are.

The best day in your leadership journey is when you realize the biggest challenges reside within. See if you do some of the self-defeating behaviors I’ve held dear.

Self-defeating behaviors:

Show up to convince instead of connect.

I’ve carried the burden of knowledge all my life. Everyone is an idiot when you show up knowing. And it’s so exhausting.

The burden of knowledge makes you pushy and manipulative. You don’t intend to be unhumble, but you can’t help it and you don’t see it. I was shocked when my daughter said, “I think you like to scare people.” I thought, “But I’m a fuzzy teddy bear.”

Talk more than you listen.

Put a gag in your word hole if you love the sound of your own voice.

One of my clients texted, “If listening was ever an issue for you, you’ve clearly solved it. You are one of the best listeners I know, finding things in people’s words they don’t even see themselves.”

I’m thankful she feels that way, and it scares me. Listening is work. It doesn’t come naturally to anyone who makes up their mind quickly. (If you’re an introvert, being quiet and actually listening are completely different things.)

The #1 self-defeating behavior that brings leaders down:

Lack of self-reflection destroys us.

The solution to self-defeating behaviors begins with structured self-reflection.

When I ask leaders about their self-reflection practice, they often look at me like a cow looks at a new gate.

Questions add structure to self-reflection.

1. How did you receive help today?
2. Who did you invite into your life today?
3. What didn’t work for you today?
4. What helped you flourish today?
5. What will you do differently tomorrow?

John David Mann and I wrote a book that helps leaders see themselves more clearly. Coming September 19, 2023. Click the banner below to order your copy.

What self-defeating behaviors do you see in others? In yourself?

How might leaders stop shooting themselves in the foot?

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…

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How the Power of Focus Protects You

Senbere Teferi was the clear winner of the 2023 Peachtree Road Race. Just yards from the finish line she focused on the wrong thing and ran off course.

You go where you look.

From first to third:

Motorcycle escorts exit the racecourse before runners cross the finish line. Senbere Teferi focused on the escort and ran off the course. She recovered but placed third instead of first.

See her try to recover here: Front-runner at AJC Peachtree Road Race takes wrong turn – YouTube

The key to focus:

The secret to focus is eliminating distractions.

I met the helicopter pilot who flew me to the trauma center a year after it happened. It was November 2012. Curt said, “I turn away when they load accident victims in the back. If I looked, the medical team would probably have another patient. I don’t want to know what’s going on back there. I can hear it when things are getting dicey but I try to ignore it.”

Ignore the things that are important to others so you can do your job.

4 Benefits of ignoring things:

1. Staying in your sweet spot. Meddling won’t help.
2. Freeing others to stay in their sweet spots.
3. Dispassionate decision-making.
4. Skillful, consistent execution.

4 Ways to ignore others:

1. Respect and honor their skills.
2. Trust them to execute.
3. Think humbly about yourself. Don’t over-estimate your competence.
4. Concentrate on your responsibility.

The leader’s focus:

1. Equip and enable others to solve their own problems.
2. Explain what’s important when people go off course.
3. Notice the way people work. Why? So you can support, encourage, and correct in ways appropriate for each individual. Don’t study problems. Study people.
4. Help people notice when they are at their best so they can stay in the zone.

Focus in a world filled with distractions makes you remarkable.

What distracts leaders?

How might leaders focus on the right things?

Still curious:

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A Simple Approach to Relationship Building

Relationship building feels like a pain in the butt when your schedule is packed with deadlines. But a healthy relationship makes life better.

A simple approach to relationship building:

#1. Begin with basic questions.

1. “Where did you grow up?”
2. “When was the first time you earned a paycheck?”
3. “What do you like to do when you’re not working?”
4. “Which family member are you most like?”
5. “What’s your favorite holiday?”

Look for common ground. Share a bit of yourself. When you don’t chime in, people wonder what you’re after. Trust is built with shared stories.

#2. Follow answers with questions.

Surprise people by asking a second question. Most people don’t listen. You let people know you’re interested in them when you resist the urge to talk about yourself.

1. “What do you do?” leads to…
2. “How did you get into that?”…
3. “What makes you good at that?”…
4. “When did you realize you loved doing that?”…
5. “How did you get good at that?”…
6. “What advice would you give me if I wanted to get better at doing that?”…
7. “What’s next for you?” (Be sure to include, “For you.”)

#3. Sprinkle affirmations throughout conversations.

1. “That’s interesting.”
2. “I think I know what you mean.”
3. “Wow. That’s wonderful.”
4. “I’d love to know more about that.”
5. “I never thought of that.” (Let people know they taught you something.) An alternative is, “I never thought of it that way.”

Summary:

1. Ask questions people love to answer.
2. Follow-up by asking a second question. The second question is more powerful than the first.
3. Never pretend you’re something you’re not.
4. Be easily impressed.
   • Notice the interests of others.
   • Watch for people to light up. Go with it.

Warning: Don’t solve people’s challenges without an invitation. Relationship building is about connecting, not fixing.

Best tip: Show up to learn.

What questions might help people build relationships?

What relationship-building advice do you suggest?

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Let Yourself Be Happy

Aristotle believed in two kinds of happiness. Hedonic happiness is derived from pleasure. The second kind of happiness is eudaimonia. This comes from pursuing virtue and meaning.

Let yourself be happy:

Are challenges overflowing? Let Yourself be happy. Life without challenge is meaningless.

Are your good intentions misunderstood? Let yourself be happy. No one on earth fully understands you. You don’t fully understand yourself.

When struggle ends in defeat, let yourself be happy. You pressed forward. So what if you failed. Life is in the effort.

Are you disappointed in yourself? You aren’t alone. It’s normal to worry that you could have done better. Let yourself be happy.

Do your knees buckle under the weight of responsibility? Let yourself be happy. Celebrate the next step.

When uncertainty infiltrates decisions, let yourself be happy. You are free to explore options and make choices.

Are you dizzy from rejection? Let yourself be happy. You can’t control others.

When you wonder if you’re enough, let yourself be happy. You became enough in the past. And when you fail you learn.

Do you care more deeply than others? Let yourself be happy. Feeling alone reminds you to nurture relationships that bring joy to others and yourself.

Let yourself be happy. The world will go on without you.

How to let yourself be happy:

1. Practice gratitude even when you don’t feel grateful.
2. Take a break even when there’s more to do. There’s always more to do.
3. Accept your current situation, even though you want something different.
4. Work to improve your ability to contribute.
5. Spend time reflecting on your day. Take note of harmful patterns and attitudes.

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” Viktor Frankl

How can you let yourself be happy today?

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The 12 Dragons all Leaders Face

The dragons you face are inside you. Stop blaming. Your shortfalls belong to you.

Face the dragon. You are the dragon.

The 12 dragons all leaders face:

1. Humility during success.
2. Confidence during setbacks.
3. Stepping back so others can step up. Control freaks can’t lead because leadership demands trust.
4. Putting plans into action – Follow through. Experience shows plans struggle to escape the pull of inertia.
5. Leading change. Leaders don’t just do things. They change things.
6. Admitting mistakes. Self-awareness, honesty, and courage are essential to saying, “I was wrong.”
7. Listening with the goal of learning. “Real listening is willingness to let others change you.” Alan Alda
8. Encouraging constructive dissent.
9. Learning from criticism. Defensiveness shackles insecure leaders regardless of their skills and drive.
10. Seeking feedback.
11. Maintaining focus on the future. Problems are magnetic.
12. Building the team.

Building the team:

Lead yourself to build the team. Your success depends on their success.

You must attract, develop, and retain top talent. Leadership success is all about the people around you.

How to spot top talent –

Top talent wants to:

1. Know where you’re going so they can find alignment. Tell them the goal.
2. Develop plans with you. Once they align with the goal, don’t give them the plan. Develop it with them. Top talent wants a hand in making plans.
3. Make meaningful contribution. They ask, “Where do I fit in?” They need meaningful contribution. Drifting isn’t enough for top talent.
4. Work with others. Lone Rangers have a place, but never on great teams.

Top talent loves rising to challenges.

Essential: Determine the nonnegotiable qualities you expect from team members. Go with their strengths; compensate for their weaknesses.

Which of the 12 dragons is most dangerous to you right now?

What suggestions do you have for defeating dragons?

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The ABC’s of Effective Feedback (pepperdine.edu)

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7 Responses that Defeat Defensiveness

People don’t make you feel defensive. Defensiveness is your response.

Defensiveness is feeling attacked when others are trying to help.

Defensive language:

My natural response to criticism or corrective feedback is self-protection. After all, only sick people intentionally do stupid things.

My reasons are the right ones.

Noticing precedes improvement. Learn to notice defensive language in yourself and others.

Defensive people feel:

1. Unfairly attacked.
2. Unjustly Criticized.
3. Underappreciated.
4. Misunderstood.

Defensiveness is:

1. Denial: Refusing to accept responsibility. “It’s not my fault.”
2. Blame-shifting: Redirecting criticism onto others. “They made me do it.”
3. Rationalization: Providing justifications or explanations. “You don’t understand.”
4. Attacking: Hostility that diverts attention to others. “It’s other people’s fault.”
5. Minimization: Downplaying the impact of your actions. “It’s not a big deal.”
6. Justification: Presenting self-affirming evidence. “If you knew the pressure I’m under.”
7. Shutting down: Withdrawing to avoid further confrontation. “I can’t deal with this right now.”

Roots of defensiveness:

People pleasing drives defensiveness. I’d brag about not getting defensive, but I worry what you’ll think.

Tying identity to performance makes criticism personal. I feel good about myself when the boss thinks I did good. It feels personal when someone suggests I didn’t do good.

The need to be right motivates self-justification. Confirmation bias is my favorite.

7 responses that defeat defensiveness:

Develop a hip-pocket response. When you start feeling attacked or criticized pull out a preplanned reply. Planned responses lower stress and portray confidence. Kneejerk reactions add heat to interactions.

1. Openness. “This surprises me. Tell me more.”
2. Curiosity. “What brought this to mind for you?”
3. Development. “What suggestions do you have for me?”
4. Gratitude. “Thanks for bringing this up. It’s important to me too.”
5. Pause and breathe.
6. Provide time for yourself. “Thanks for bringing this up. Let’s explore this after my next meeting.”
7. Humility. Tell yourself they could be right.

What causes us to attack or explain when criticized?

What are some healthy responses to natural feelings of self-protection?

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How to Defeat the Subtleties of Defensiveness

What Is Defensiveness?

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